The Knitting Curmudgeon

Back on Track

2012-01-14T17:30:00.001-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
It is your work in life that is the ultimate seduction--Pablo Picasso

Yeah, gang, it's been months since I've written anything. Talk about being out of work and depressed, along with a huge attack of writer's block. Well, it's done. I'm back. And with another blog too, The Steekin' Geek. Having an iPad makes it much easier to write on the run, as it were.

So as far as the Tech Writing series is concerned, I'm seriously considering pulling it together into a free e-book for those who need help. God knows there are too many designers out there who are talented but lousy direction writers.

Not much to say right now, although I'm headed for Vogue Live tomorrow to catch up with friends, check out the Market. I don't take classes. Took a class last year at Vogue Live and didn't learn shit. It wasn't the teacher's fault. It's because I've been doing this so fucking long that there's little I haven't tried or done.

I'll be back later this week with more. We'll talk about all the silly yarn out there. Jeezus! It's getting out of conrol, ain't it!

Later, skanks! Missed you.

Write It Right. Knitting Tech Writing for Dummies Part I

2011-08-14T17:30:00.001-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
“The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.” --Mark Twain

Since I rather doubt any of the magazines would publish an article about knitting technical writing, I figured why the fuck not do it here?

As many of you know, I make my living as an IT tech writer, specializing in Software Development Life Cycle, SharePoint (a Microsoft collaborative platform), end-user guides, and a pile of other tech documentation crap.

Lately, I've been horrified at the poor quality of many knitting directions, some of which are published by well-known yarn companies and some by independent designers. Last Thursday at Stix-n-Stitches's Sit 'n' Knit night, I helped a fellow knitter translate some badly written directions. Get this--the cast-on instructions, which included placing markers between pattern repeats, were totally confusing. It was written sans asterisks, sans stitch counts, and sans much of anything other than the initial cast-on count, so she had no idea how many markers to place. In order to give her the the correct number of pattern repeats, I checked the math. Oy.

Many of you (including me) are either considering or doing your own designs and hoping to sell them. Well, if so, you'd better have your writing shit together first. This series, which I figure will run for a month, will give you some guidance. I have a very specific process that I use when designing so that my directions are comprehensible and correct. Most budding designers have wonderful ideas but no idea as to how they should be presented professionally.

Let's go!

Pre-Design Preparation
First of all, don't tell me that you "design on the needles" and re-create your directions after you've finished the piece. That's fine for swatching but not fine when you are working on a complete item, be it a sweater or a scarf. Ya gotta write and knit from the get-go. Most magazines have style guides; but you cannot go wrong using the Craft Yarn Council's Standards and Guidelines for Crochet and Knitting. This link will take you directly to their PDF. READ IT.

Step 1: Buy a notebook and use it for your sketches, charts, and directions. This will become your hard-copy Bible that you'll keep in your knitting bag while working out your design. (Of course, if you're really geeky, you can do this on your iPad or laptop but I still prefer writing with a pen to start.)

Step 2: Create a directions template for yourself in Microsoft Word, or whatever word processing app you use. Start formatting your e-file with appropriate headers. MATERIALS, GAUGE, and ABBREVIATIONS are permanent headers. And add your logo, if you have one. If you'd like, check out my Yeti Socks formatting. (If you are submitting to a magazine, you'll have to follow their publishing style, so check with your editor.)

For example, if you have designed a cardigan, you will have various section headers: BACK, FRONT (generally, you will tell your user to "reverse the right front shapings" but if one front is different than the other, you will have two Front headers), SLEEVES, FINISHING. And yes, you will have sub-headers, such as Neck Shaping.

Step 3: When you have determined what your design will be--sweater, socks, scarf, warshcloth, whatevah--choose your yarn and write down the yarn info in your Bible. Don't forget the color name(s)--if all you have on the yarn band is the color number, look it up on the web. Add this information to your electronic file.

Step 4: When you have chosen your stitch pattern(s), chart them out. I use Knit Visualizer because right now I can't afford Adobe Illustrator, which is the app that most publishers use for charting. You can also use Microsoft Excel but just for a working chart, not for final publication, EVER!

Step 5: Swatch, block, measure. Note the final gauge in your Bible and then in your e-file.

Step 6: Begin your calculations, writing them in your Bible. And for God's sake, use a calculator!!! Don't do it in your head, unless you're a fucking Einstein.

Step 7: Once you've finished your basic calculations, write your directions in your e-file and add any charts; then print the file out and put it into your Bible so that you can add notes and corrections. Don't forget to transpose written notes and corrections back into your e-file as soon as you can.

And do your sizing now! Stitch patterns, be they Fair Isle, cables, lace, or what-have-you, will dictate the sizes and their calculations, so get over that hump immediately.

So this is the very beginning. If you are working with test knitters, you want to make sure that you give them the most accurate directions possible. We'll talk about appropriate directions wording in the next entry. Here's the series' list of topics:

Part II: Listen to the Foghorn: How to Write Clear Directions
Part III: App Hazard--How to use computer applications for knitting directions
Part IV: Edit, Edit, Edit, Check, Check, Check--how to edit your own directions

So tomorrow I'm off to another tech writing gig in NYC, this time down in the Village! So much better than uptown. I'll be writing the next entry in a week, on Sunday, which is a rare and handy day to so do.

Later, skanks!

Swatch That You Say?

2011-08-08T17:18:00.001-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
"Accuracy is the twin brother of honesty; inaccuracy, of dishonesty"--Nathaniel Hawthorne

Are you ever tempted to cheat on your swatch measurements?
"Oh, wait, this could be 5 stitches to an inch...let me move the tape measure a little bit."

Hopefully, you never use a tape measure to check your swatch. Why? Because tape measures do stretch out and aren't accurate enough for measuring a swatch. They're fine for body measurements and that's it.

If the garment is worked in the round, ya swatch in the round!

You do, right? Don't fucking lie to me.

Here's the swatch I'm doing for the Go Gansey! socks, in Cascade Heritage sock yarn, which is 75% superwash merino/25% nylon. Soft as shit! And yep, these are my fabulous new Signature DPs. At $45 a set, they are truly the Hope Diamonds of the needle world. I do wish that Signature would make them in #0s too.

WEBS Walkabout (not in the Aussie sense of the word)
Jerry and I took a quick trip to the Adirondacks last week but stopped in South Deerfield, MA so that he could go to Yankee Candle's flagship store and buy his aunt a present. Needless to say, I stopped at WEBS, which is just a short 11 miles south in Northampton. For shits 'n' giggles, I took a little video using my Android cellphone. I put it up on Facebook already but for those of you who ain't my FB friends, here's Mar sneaking about the store.

It is a fabulous place! New England has some of my very favorite string joints--Halcyon (Bath, ME), The Fiber Studio (Henniker, NH), Harrisville Designs (Harrisville, NH) are three that I love. I've not yet made it to Bartlettyarns in Harmony, ME, but that's next on the list. Don't waste your time going to Patternworks in Center Harbor, NH. It's really just a glorified LYS and there's nothing terribly special to buy, although the building is lovely. Jimmy and I used to vacation in Center Harbor back in the '90s because it's right on Lake Winnipesaukee, so go there for that.

I did buy a skein of off-white Cascade Heritage to make the Go Gansey! socks in both blue and off-white so that users have a traditional choice. And then I bought this:

Beautiful Madelinetosh Prairie superwash merino laceweight in the Fragrant colorway. This will become a lace scarf that I'll submit somewhere. Or sell in my Ravelry shop. Oddly, this colorway is not listed on her site but is available elsewhere. I guess they need to update the website.

Fiberality Designs
I finally got my shit together on Ravelry and set up Fiberality Designs, where you can download the Leaves of Grass and Yeti sock patterns for free, the ones that used to be available in the sidebar here. Plus, I have a couple of things for sale, too. There will be more added as I get 'em done. Of course, I'm starting a new tech writing job next week but I'll be knitting on the train, during lunch, and after work, as usual, working on the book proposal still.

So that's it for this bit. Thanks to all for your blog anniversary comments. You ARE rare and handy, ya know. Let me know if you're going to Rhinebeck, which is where I usually hook up with readers. Next entry, a couple of book reviews...and other shit, no doubt.

Later, skanks. By the way, for some half-assed Blogger reason, when I published this entry, a couple of the widgets weren't displaying data. Fuck.

Number 9, Number 9, Number 9, Number 9, Number 9

2011-07-25T00:05:00.012-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Who's to know? Who was to know?--Lennon and McCartney

Yes, today is the blog's 9th anniversary. For those of you who are either too young to remember The White Album or weren't fans, here's a video for you.

It's hard to believe that it's been nine years. Time has passed quickly, as it always does. You'll see in the sidebar that I've added a new feature: A chat widget where, if I'm online and you're here, you can talk to me live.

Last year, on the 8th blog anniversary (note that I never use "blogiversary" because it's almost as idiotic as "knitterly" and other dopey terms), I did write extensively about the Knitting Curmudgeon history. So today I'm giving you a short summary because A) I'm tired and B) I refuse to rewrite the same shit, ergo a brief post today.

I remember the day I found Blogger and went "Holy shit! This was made for me!" The Knitting Curmudgeon started as a website on AOL back in 1998. I learned a little HTML coding, created several pages that included an essay on Aran Knitting, and one called "Anatomy of a Knitting Disaster." At that time, I was on the KnitList, running my mouth as RaveledSlv, but when I bought my husband Jimmy a book called "The Portable Curmudgeon," it hit me that I was in fact a knitting curmudgeon.

In July 2002, there were probably less than 200 knitting blogs. Long before YarnHarlot, Panopticon, and the others, it was me, Bonne Marie of ChicKnits, Dangerous Chunky, Red Lipstick, WendyKnits, Carrieoke's Knitting Blog, and a few more whose names escape me right now. We were the first knitters to step away from the mailing lists and put our crap out on the internet.

When Jimmy died in January 2002, I was a lost soul. Yes, I was knitting at the hospital when he died. After a few months of horrific grief, I began to get my shit together. But I still needed something upon which to focus heavily, a project that would take my mind away from my unmitigated sadness and hideous financial issues. Having been a writer since I was eight years old, the same year I learned to knit, writing a blog seemed to be an ideal solution. So off I went. My first entry was about the Vogue Fall 2002 issue. Here's the very first paragraph I wrote:

The state of knitting magazines being what it is lately, I was more than pleasantly surprised with the decent designs featured in the Fall 2002 issue of Vague. Mind you, there are still enough designs for the HYUKs (Hip Young Urban Knitters, a ghastly acronym invented by the ubiquitous Lily Chin) and some silly ones at that. But I understand Vague's marketing needs...and I can appreciate their bowing to demographics.

I think Loopy was probably the only person to read that first entry. But suddenly, people who had read my website showed up on the blog! And then there were the wars with the KnitDweebs. Longtime readers will recall the Purling Puppies war. Loved it!

So, have I changed over the years, now that I'm 61 and supposedly an old crone, although even my dear mother says I don't look my age. She may be right but I'm still a smartass. What I do believe has happened over the past nine years is that the knitting world has gone out of control, with too much information, actually. The Knitdweebs are still out there, yarn bombing and acting like maroons. Sadly, the internet has created the instant-gratification disease that affects too many people. Lack of concentration, inability to learn by doing, desire for fast and often bazaar knitting. Sure, there are plenty of people who want to increase their skills and knowledge but I must say that I keep meeting knitters who want to do their work down and dirty.

I do believe that blogs are becoming less and less popular, simply due to social networking. People don't fucking read extensively anymore. Well, that won't stop me and many of my fellow bloggers but I do predict that blogs will vanish within the next five years because they will become incorporated into the social networks. Your Steekin' Geek can see where technology is going and along with Borders, I think blogging will become bankrupt. Fuck it. I'll be with you until I croak.

That said, the greatest gifts I've received from writing this blog are my readers. Many have become personal friends, people who I love and cherish. And now that FaceBook's the place to be, a lot of readers have friended me. If nothing else, that's fucking rare and handy!

So later, skanks. And I do love you all.

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends.

2011-07-19T15:27:00.001-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
"If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that... I believe in what I do, and I'll say it."--John Lennon

If it hadn't been for In His Own Write, I probably never would have become a writer. At 14, I had already written many poems, a short story for my junior high school literary magazine, but when my best friend Dottie and I read this book, it pushed us into a creative sphere that has never ceased. Dottie was the artist, I was the writer, and we mucked around trying to do our own Lennonish stuff. She called me Mother Marsh, I called her Dob. And then our friend Peggy, who was also a writer, became Pegret. After 47 years, we are still close friends, still call each other Mother Marsh, Dob, and Pegret, and we all still spill creative juices.

So now that I am again unemployed and wondering how the fuck I'm going to make money, I decided to resuscitate the Rock 'n' Sock book. With one prototype done, and a few more to go, I've contacted Sixth and Spring Books to see if they will accept my book proposal. They will. And if they don't want it, Martingale Press will take my submission.

Thanks to the Punk Princess for modeling Stairway to Heaven socks. This is strictly a prototype, done in Black Bunny Fibers Silksock. I will have to rework it in another commercial yarn so that knitters can re-create it, probably in Crystal Palace Panda Silk or possibly Madelinetosh.

Also reworking the old Gansey sock pattern from back in 2007, for submission to Knitty's Winter 2011bis issue.

I've altered the design considerably, so this ain't what it's gonna be. I can't show ya. Against the rules.

WTF, Socks?
Sock knitting is my favorite design mode. Cuz I'm fucking lazy? Nope. Because it allows me to screw around with different design concepts in a short but sweet manner. Once the book is published, the next potential project will be an online fiber design magazine that will include knitting crocheting, spinning, and simple weaving projects.

Yeah, I was a knitting editor in the '80s and perhaps it's time to go back to my roots. After all, other than Vogue Knitting and Rowan, I can't be bothered with the other mags. However, the online magazines are far more accessible and mine will be free to readers. Because I'm a steekin' geek, I can do all the site dev myself, as well as the marketing crap, the writing, and the acquisition.

I wanna leave this world as a knitting writer and editor, not an "IT Professional."

Child Blogger
This apple fell right from the tree, given that both her parents are and were writers. My daughter Jenn, a long-time member of the Society for Creative Anachronism, a wonderful group that does great medieval re-creation, has started her own blog--Kintala. Jenn doesn't knit but sews and embroiders beautifully. Any of you who were on the KnitList with me back in 1996 may remember her Medieval Wedding. She designed and made her wedding gown, along with all her bridesmaids' dresses.

Analversary
Yep, the Knitting Curmudgeon blog is about to turn nine years old on the 25th, in six days. I will be posting that day, for sure. With Remembrances of Shit Past. That year, 2002, was rare but terribly unhandy.

Later, skanks.

Bombs Away! Knit a Sewer Drain Cozy

2011-06-22T14:05:00.001-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.--Stephen Wright
Me too, Stephen. Yes, it's been a long time since I've posted to the blog. For some time, I lost interest in communicating, partially because I buried myself in my book and also because I did some consulting work for a major financial services company.

The book has been ongoing for too long. No, I have no publisher yet and frankly, I'm writing this for my children and grandchildren, although it is my life as a knitter. I've designed knitting patterns that reflect the various hallmarks in my knitting life. It's been fun but also rather burdensome because when I turned 61 on April 25th, my mortality hit me between the eyes and I realized that my writing time is finite.

So back to writing the blog, another minor legacy, I suppose.

Word Up!
I gotta say, there are just too many damned knitting books out there. I no longer buy books that contain patterns only because I do my own, a far more challenging activity that spending time working on other people's shit. And because there has been an e-explosion of knitting patterns, you do have to wade through a pile of crap to get to decent stuff. On the other hand, it gives people freedom to publish, although I fear that some truly talented designers could get lost in the shuffle.

The two best books published this year are Elizabeth Zimmermann's Knit One Knit All and Barb Brown's Knitting Knee Highs. I reviewed Barb's book on February 11th. Bless Meg for gathering up all her mother's unpublished garter stitch designs and putting them together into a beautifully designed book. I'm still waiting for my copy, which I'll buy from my sistah-in-spirit Sheila, who owns my LYS Stix-n-Stitches. I did get a chance to peruse her copy and was blown away. After all, EZ was the original knitting origamist. That's what I call her Baby Surprise Jacket. Knitting origami.

The next book on my list will probably be Swirl! by Sandra McIver. This is not just a pattern book but an interesting technique that I'd like to study.

That's what's key--gimme a book that will shove new info into my gob. Just because it has "knitting" in its title doesn't mean it's going to add shit to my wealth of knowledge.

So WTF Are You Doing?
Other than waiting to start my new consulting gig next Monday, writing, and working on the book projects, I decided to pick up one of my spindles and start spinning some of Mindy Soucek's Puff the Magic Rabbit's wonderful mohair (from her own goaties)/Border Leicester/silk. (Check out her Etsy shop--some great fiber and handspun yarn for very reasonable prices.)

The nose? That's Sam's, the Countess von Puppelah, who is fascinated by the fiber smell and mesmerized by the spinning spindle. I suspect she'd like to chew both, so they are kept well hidden. The Countess has been known to chew hand knitted socks to shreds. She is not allowed in my workroom. Ever.

The Topic for Today is Yarn Bombing. Please Refer to the Blog Title.
Sorry, just getting geared up for tech writing. I've written about this stupidity on Facebook but it's time to diss it here. Yarn bombers--have you borrowed public idiocy from Tea Party members? Knitting tree cozies? Bike handle cozies? How about putting some effort into some charitable knitting, such as The Seamen's Church Institute, whose Christmas At Sea knitting project, active since 1898, has provided mariners away from home during the holidays with warm scarves, hats, vests, socks, and other goodies. I understand this is now sponsored by Universal Yarn. Bravo, Michael! My late husband Jimmy, who was a ship modeler and maritime historian, often went to the SCI in NYC. Long ago, I knit for this project. I will so do again.

Yarn bombing doesn't make you look like a "rebel knitter" but rather, makes you look like you have nothing better to do with your time. If you want to make your community look nice, how about contributing flowers and your gardening skills? Fuck the stupid cozies. Yarn bombing does not improve knitting's image. In fact, it probably annoys the piss out of people. So stop it, already. It is not rare and handy.

What do you think of yarn bombing?

That's it for now. Time to get back to the other writing, or perhaps train Sam to wind yarn. By the way, I have just set up the blog for mobile viewing, a new beta feature on Blogger.

Later, skanks. The next post will probably be in July, hopefully in a week or so. The 25th of July marks the blog's 9th anniversary.

Jersey Shore Knittin' Guidettes

2011-03-02T20:33:00.002-05:00

It’s just a big ball of f*ckness. That’s a new word: f*ckness.--Snooki

Do you ever watch "Jersey Shore"? No, this Jersey girl couldn't be bothered since most of the cast supposedly comes from Long Island, Staten Island, and the city. But I do like Snooki's quote--I've knitted with plenty of big balls of fuckness.

If you're going to the beach, how do you say it if you're from Jersey? "Goin' down the shore."

So I think, with apologies to Debbie Macomber, who is not a Jersey girl, that I'd read a book or watch a series called "Jersey Shore Knittin' Guidettes." In fact, I've come up with the characters, a group of Jersey skanks who live the over-the-top life. And steal yarn when possible.

Hoodi--Runs a knitting kiosk on the boardwalk at Seaside Heights. Hoodi hides her Jersey big hair under a knitted cotton sweatshirt, teaches her customers how to pick up stitches using their nails, and was recently arrested for stabbing her boyfriend Woodie in the crotch with a #7 straight needle while threatening to garrote him with the matching circ.

StellaBaby--Hoodi's younger sister, who insists on crocheting granny squares, much to Hoodi's annoyance. StellaBaby flogs her crocheted afghans at the bar across the way from Hoodi's kiosk, selling them to teenagers who need coverups for under-the-boardwalk luv sessions.

Nicoretta--Hoodi's best friend, who refuses to knit anything other than Red Heart. Nicoletta worked at the local WalMart until she was fired for stealing boxes of Fun Fur.

Scudetta--StellaBaby's boyfriend, who loves to knit, hates crocheting, but as a straight dude, is terrified that Hoodie will "out" him to his coworkers at the fire department. Scudetta keeps his sock knitting hidden in his NY Yankees sports bag, sneaking a stitch or two alone in the locker room.

Mama Cawfee--Hoodi and StellaBaby's grandmother, a former madame who raised the girls and has retired, whiling away her time knitting and rocking on her porch, shrieking obscenities at passersby.

Fattie Hardbuckle--Grossly overweight, Fattie insists on knitting size 60 bikini bras from cotton, despite Hoodie's warning that the cotton will stretch when Fattie jumps into the water. Fattie is a pattern size vigilante, raiding yarn shops that only sell books with patterns for skinny broads.

The Guidette Knitters--Hoodie's knitting crew, who frequent the arcades, jamming needles into the pinball machine coin slots to get beer money, throw yarn balls at the seagulls, and sit on the boardwalk benches with their knitting bags and Buds.

So, I think this has reality show potential. The antithesis of the Vogue Knitter. We're real people in Jersey, although not always rare and handy.

Just a quickie today. More next week, with the promised info on Android knitting apps.

Later, skanks.

TMI STFU

2011-02-25T13:51:00.002-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates.--Oscar Wilde

So does that mean I'm creative?

Yes, TMI, too much information. Too many knitting books. Way too many yarn choices. Enough already.

Ten years ago, the frenzy that now permeates the knitting industry was limited to Stitches and a bunch of KnitList Knitdweebs. Now, it's out of control. It seems that every yarn company spends its time trying to create over-the-top lines that in reality make shitty garments. Sure, the stuff looks gorgeous in the skein. P.T. Barnum certainly had it nailed. Knitters are the biggest suckers of any hobby.

The worst messes that the yarn companies promote are the damned loosely twisted "hand-dyed" single or 2-ply products that can severely fuck up the unsuspecting, ignorant knitter. Why? Because they split like hell when you knit them, and then pill within two or three weeks. The worst offenders are the sock yarns. Get real. If you make socks from these yarns, you'd better put them in a frame and hang 'em on the wall because they ain't gonna last. Ya know the term "stitch definition"? Keep that in mind when selecting your yarn.

I just finished a vest in Lang Tosca Lite. Very pretty but one of these yarns. I won't use it again. I was going to submit the design to Knitty but decided against it. I refuse to promote something I dislike, although the vest did come out nicely. I'll submit a sock design I'm doing now in Knit One Crochet Too Ty-Dy Socks. This is excellent sock yarn. One of my favorites, along with Black Bunny Fibers' Silk Sock (Carol's just put up some wonderful new colors).

My friend Ann calls it the Caribbean Reef Vest, when I asked her for help in naming it. I had the enameled fish button in my hand, putting it up against the fabric, and Ann said, "That's it! Caribbean Reef!"

Da Mags
OK, a little behind the times here but frankly, all the winter issues were stone bores. Other than Deborah Newton's hat on the cover of VK, it was a tremendously bland issue. Even Brandon Mably's design lacked his usual exquisite colorways. The best section of VK's Winter issue was Style Revival that had great retro patterns and Socks in the City. I'm glad they've finally bowed to publishing sock designs. Of course, lots of knitters love bland. Just way too much cabled shit.

IK is once again a total mish-mosh. When in God's name are they going to organize this magazine? There are some good designs in this issue. I loved Laura Grutzeck's cardigan and Deb Newton's vest. The cover? Well, it's really tacky to overlay print onto the model's face. Closeups are good...to a point. VK and Knitter's have always been well laid out. Put your feature articles and columns in the front of the mag with the ads, then set up the editorial section. No fuckin' ads there.

Whether you put the directions with the editorial picture or put them in the back of the books makes no-never-mind. But when you can't tell the difference between an ad and an editorial photo, you're in trouble. Plus, the teeny weeny pictures are BAD. I was looking at the sock photos and on page 94, there was a pair of socks omitted in the caption. Turns out it was Judy Alexander's Pinked Socks in a different colorway. Readers shouldn't have to figure this out. Very poor editing here.

If IK continues on this path, they'll be walkin' downhill. Yet, the staff of Piecework just published the second edition of Knitting Traditions, a fabulous special magazine. Hello, IK! Check out what your colleagues are doing. Granted, the patterns in Knitting Traditions aren't hot fashion but they are beautiful, along with excellent articles on knitting history. And you can't beat the layout.

OK, so that's my take on Winter 2011. IK's Spring issue just came out and once again, there's type on the model's face. Oy. I'll buy the issue strictly for Mary Jane Mucklestone's article on Fair Isle knitting. You can preview VK's Spring issue online. Knitter's apparently no longer offers previews. As shocking as it may sound coming from my mouth, at this point, Knitter's is a better magazine than IK.

Friends Who Write
Gotta love 'em. So many of my friends have published excellent books worth buying. They get it. Don't publish crap, publish a book that adds to the knowledge base. And if you want a fabulous book, buy my dear friend Barb Brown's Knitting Knee-Highs: Sock Styles from Classic to Contemporary. Yeah, I know I'm a bit biased but if Barb had written shit, I'd shut my trap. Wonderful designs plus an outstanding section on knee-highs--making knee-highs, converting regular sock patterns to knee-highs, and sizing knee-highs. Barb, I swear I'll make your lace socks...but I'm involved in my own book and designs. Heh.

Yes, I'm back working on the book. Have been for several months now. I refuse to place myself under a deadline but I'm feeling the need to leave a legacy, probably because I'm going to be 61 in April. Someone once wrote that I was a knitting blogger pioneer. I suppose so. This July will mark 9 years of KC bullshit. I decided against doing the cable show simply because it would have very limited exposure. It's not worth the work if five people watch, one of whom would be Mammy.

Garbage Removal
You may have noticed that I've eliminated the Free Shit section in the sidebar. This is due to some technical stuff I have to do with Dreamhost, my site host. I still have the knittingcurmudgeon.com address, used now only to contain uploadable docs. So Free Shit will be back when I get things squared away.

Tech crap is not rare and handy. As a technical writer, I find that knitting and spinning offer me a good withdrawal from the info world. Yes, TMI and STFU. I'm lessening my presence on Facebook, don't bother with Twitter, and frankly, prefer to knit and listen to music at this point, with Countess von Puppelah at my feet. Damned dog loves to chew wooden dps. And hand-knitted socks. No, she gets no knitted puppy sweater. Ever.

Now that's a rare and handy woofer.
Later, skanks.

Talkin' Bout My Generation

2011-02-12T13:36:00.003-05:00

Best Lyrics I Heard All Day
People try to put us d-down (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Just because we get around (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Things they do look awful c-c-cold (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
I hope I die before I get old (Talkin' 'bout my generation)

Indeed. Hope I die before I get old. I may be 61 in two months but that's got nothing to do with shit from Shanghai.

My generation has been incredibly fortunate, at the very least living through the great knitting era of Elizabeth Zimmermann, Barbara Walker, Mary Walker Phillips, and many more. That's minor shit. When it comes to music, there's no question that the Woodstock Generation still stands as the rock music giants. Our lives were forever shaped by the Vietnam War and our music.

If you're too young to remember The Who, the brilliant performers of My Generation, then it's time to enhance your knowledge.

Even the Punk Princess loves The Who.

Speaking of whom, to play catchup with ya, I have to show you all what I made Liz for Christmas.

Yep, the Punk Monk. With a matching mohawk hat.

The Ultimate Book? Puhleeze
If I had a nickel for every knitting book that included "ultimate" in their title, I'd be buying some fucking cashmere.

When I went to Vogue Knitting Live, one of the perks was a copy of Vogue Knitting Knitopedia, the Ultimate A to Z for Knitters. Well, if you are a newbie, this is well worth owning.

There is no question that it contains important reference information that should be available in one place. If you have just started knitting or if you are still an intermediate knitter, it's good to have. Being a fervent book owner (check out my books on LibraryThing.com and you'll see that I own almost 200 fiber-related books), I can appreciate the corralling of knitting information in hardcover.

That said, when it comes to searching for knitting information, Google probably beats out books at this point. Sad but true. I tend to check my books first but if I'm lazy, I've got my laptop at hand always.

The layout is decent, although I'm sure people will bitch about the small type size. Nonetheless, the illustrations are clear.

But I do have a quibble. You knew I would, right? When placing "ultimate" in your title, you open yourself up to problems. And within the Knitopedia, there is one huge gap that I found. If you're going to add the biographies of noted knitters to your encyclopedia, you'd better make sure that you cover everyone. Vogue blew it big time on this. There is no reference to Richard Rutt, James Norbury, Ida Duncan Riley, Marianne Kinzel, Maggie Righetti, Mary Thomas, Gladys Thompson, and a few more important, influential writers. Plus, they misspelled Heinz Edgar Kiewe's middle name. No, it's not "Egar." Their information on Kiewe, found in the Aran Knitting entry, says nothing about Kiewe's crazy book, The Sacred Art of Knitting, in which he promulgated the myth of the Aran pattern usage for dead seamen identification. I wrote a blog entry about Kiewe back on February 22, 2004, if you're interested in this whack-a-zoid.

My voice in the wilderness cries out for accuracy. Don't use superlatives in book titles. You'll fuck yourself over.

Cute Ain't Fucking Adorable
And the title, Knitopedia, makes me nuts. Why, why, why, does the knitting industry feel the need to "cute-ify" every goddamn thing by changing words to attract Knitdweebs? What's wrong with Vogue Knitting Encyclopedia of Knitting? Not cute enough for the current market? If you want to be taken seriously, avoid being cunningly knit-adorable, please.

I loathe words like "knitterly." And of course, any stoopid "ewe" shit. "Ewe" suck.

Yeah, I'm back. Heh. Next entry will cover Da Mags. And coming down the road will be some entries from your Steekin' Geek about Android knitting apps, charting on the fly with your laptop, and a few other rare and handy technical bits. In the past few months, I've realized how much I love helping knitters in person, those who want to learn more, after beating their heads against the proverbial brick wall.

I'll always bail ya out. Just ask. Later, skanks.

Vogue Live...and I'm Alive!

2011-01-27T21:14:00.000-05:00

Hey gang. Vogue Live has nudged me into writing. Despite the hideously cold weather, it was warm in the New York Hilton and I managed to hobble my butt into the city because I couldn't miss this event. Never mind that my back is now shot to hell.

So, was it good? Yeah, past good. Spectacular. As a born-in-Manhattan kid, I swear Vogue couldn't have picked a better location. And a better faculty. I was impressed with the organization and the wonderful horde of volunteers, who deserve cookin' kudos for standing all day helping people find their way.

As you know, I'm not a big lover of classes. However, in August I decided to give Vogue Live a shot. After all, it's important to be open to new info, even though I've been knitting for 38+ years and have mastered knitting to the point where I don't need help. That remains true--I didn't learn anything at Vogue Live. That said, I would highly recommend it to knitters who want to try new techniques. You can't beat the discipline of sitting in a class with an experienced instructor and doing something you've never attempted before.

What Vogue Live did for me was give me the opportunity to meet readers, meet new people, and meet designers/writers whom I've always admired. Meeting Deborah Newton, who was one of my early inspirations, along with Kristin Nicholas, was wonderful. (Kristin, sorry I missed you.) Deb's a real person, no knitting diva. Ran into Franklin briefly, met his significant other, and we had a few yucks. Haven't seen him in two years, so it was good to give him a hug and kiss. I heard from people that his classes were outstanding. And then there were people like Vinnie and Monique, who I hung with at the cocktail party. My kind of people.

The marketplace was expansive--two floors of vendors. The lighting wasn't great but that didn't stop people flooding in. One of my friends, who is a yarn rep, told me that the vendors made tons of bucks. I didn't buy anything, since I'm basically broke and have a houseful of yarn anyway. What I liked about the marketplace was that Vogue allowed yarn companies to display their goods. That was always my bitch about Stitches--no yarn companies. I don't go to TNNA, so I want an opportunity to check out the yarn companies' lines. Universal Yarn and Blue Heron, two of my faves, were there, along with Lion Brand, whose new line is impressive.

Vogue is doing this again in LA next September. If you can afford it, do it. Even if you just go to the market and hang out, it's worth it.

So, next post over the weekend, I'll fill you in about the past three months. Writer's block is gone. Plus, readers have been poking me to write. So going to Vogue Live got me back into writing action.

Later, skanks.

Rhinebeck Beckoned

2010-10-17T15:17:00.000-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium."--Stephen Wright

I'm back. It's over. I'm fulfilled.

It was over so fast, much like Christmas when I was 8, where the anticipation of the day outranked the actual few hours of presents and family.

Rhinebeck means fiber family, as well as a once-a-year visual reiteration of the true meaning of fiberarts.

So here's Rhinebeck through my twisted eyes.

First, I leave NJ at 6 a.m. because the wise Rhinebeck attendee gets there by 8 a.m. to reserve a decent parking spot.

Then, having read the list of vendors online if you're a newbie, or plan in advance to hit familar vendors, you grab some coffee and hit the pavement at 9 a.m.

Here is Rhinebeck at 9:10 a.m. It was windy, chilly, but peaceful.

Here is Rhinebeck at noon. YIKES! Too many fucking people but most of them kind, friendly, and happy souls.

Yes, it becomes even more populous.

It's fall in the Catskills. Magnificent maple trees.

And Rhinebeck, the finest fairground I've ever visited, is beautifully landscaped.

This year, I finally ate some fried artichokes, a Rhinebeck delicacy for which you stand in line for almost a half hour or more.

Feh. I don't get it. Talk about bland and boring food. Of course, there's always the fried pickles. Don't ask. Rhinebeck, like most fairs, provides maximum eating opportunities, including the ubiquitous funnel cake, cotton candy, et al. Eating goes hand-in-hand with shopping.

Despite my horrible arthritic back and hips, I bumbled and stumbled through the exhibition halls, stopping at favorites--Golding Fiber Tools (more on that anon), Carolina Homespun, Susan's Fiber Shop, Red Maple (run by Mel and David, dear friends), Skaska, and others too numerous to mention.

With a tight budget, I managed to get some shopping accomplished. After all, do I truly need more shit? Yeah, I know the answer. Sing it in harmony, skankettes.

Meeting up with friends is another major event. Who did I see? QueerJoe, natch. My friend Gina from the Stix-n-Stitches knitting group. I caught up with some of the guys who went to the Men's Spring Knitting Retreat meeting in the afternoon.

Clowns. From left to right, Scott, Jack, Joe, Jack's friend whose name I can't spell, and Dave.

I missed Ted da Knitterguy so much. And never found Lars, if he did show up. Lars is ghostly, as all of his friends know.

The highlight of Rhinebeck is meeting my readers. And I met a bunch, wonderful people who made my day. They want me to write more often. OK, when I have shit to say, I will.

Meeting Duffy Stephens, aka Fiberqat, was like meeting a long-lost sister. Duffy's been a reader for ages and we are certainly kindred soul sistahs.

I miss her already. And I missed seeing Kat, Ann McDonough, Loraine, and all my other readers who I hold dear to my heart.

See, I'm crunchy on the outside and marshmallow on the inside, as Carol once said.

Dinner was wonderful! Here's this year's group.

From left: Duffy Stephens, Jack Burwell and friend, Scott and Dave from Easton Mountain

From left: Carol Sulcoski, Mindy Soucek, Laura Grutzeck

The O'Henry Spindle Story
One of my major purchases was another Golding spindle.

This is not a great photo but it is a beautiful glass millefleur button, one of which Sean Golding told me they buy at Rhinebeck. I should have asked him who the vendor was.

Duffy and I were looking around David and Mel's booth, when I saw a pair of socks that had fallen from their hanger onto the floor. I put my stuff down and put the socks back. Then Duffy and I headed outside so that we could compare our Golding purchases.

The shock. The bag that contained the spindle was gone. I freaked out, rushed back to the booth and asked Mel's dad to keep an eye out for it.

I knew it was gone forever. Due to my own stupid carelessness. So Duffy says, "Maybe someone will find it and you'll get it back." Yeah, right. Like anyone would return a Golding spindle, my cynical brain voice said.

Sitting in the endless outbound traffic around 4:15 p.m., talking to Jerry on my cellphone, a call comes in with a number I knew not. I ignored it.

Then it was on to dinner at the diner, a Ted tradition. No Ravelry party for us. Just a bunch of friends having dinner and talking shop.

As I was sitting, my phone went off again, the same strange number. This time, I answered it.

Me: Hello
Stranger: Is this Marilyn Roberts?
Me: Yes, who is this, please?
Stranger: My name is Jackie. Did you purchase a Golding spindle? I have it. Are you coming to Rhinebeck tomorrow?
Me: No, but I'd make the drive again to pick up the spindle.
Jackie: I'm staying in Poughkeepsie at a hotel on Rte. 9, so if you want, you can come and pick it up tonight.
Me: Thank you so much! I'll be there around 9!

Off I go, driving back over the Rhinecliff Bridge, past the fairgrounds, and down to Poughkeepsie, which about 20 miles south of Rhinebeck. It was rather on the way home.

I met Jackie in the hotel lobby and brought her a skein of Black Bunny Fiber sock yarn as a thank-you.

She was a lovely woman from Ohio. She truly restored my faith in people. I will never forget her.

End Game
What I bought and what was gifted:

Duffy gave me the wonderful purple fiber. I love her. Her friend Sharon and long-time reader, sent me the fabulous purple sock yarn along with a wonderful note thanking me for my blog. I almost cried reading it. (Sharon, I will e-mail you with a personal message.) To the right of the sock yarn is the incredible cashmere/silk that I bought at Carolina Homespun, some lovely hand-dyed silk, and a wooden wrist distaff.

All in all, quite a rare and handy day. How can you not love a day that validates your obsession? I hope to see more of you next year.

Now gimme money (that's what I want)

2010-10-13T17:21:00.000-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
If you want it in the worst way, that's probably how you'll get it--Patrick Conway, my former boss at The Chubb Institute and a very good friend

Do you wonder how much money knit/crochet designers make for their published patterns? Shit dollars. A mere tuppence, considering the amount of work that goes into even a simple design. And to add insult to injury, knitting editors often force them to change the design elements and then substitute another yarn (usually due to pressure from advertisers--I know, was in that boat onceuponatime long ago, which is why I left craft publishing). Designers have no control over the quality of the directions either.

Shameful. This is why I don't submit my stuff to magazines, although I do trust Trisha Malcolm, based on what friends have told me about her.

Recently, a good friend who is a well-known designer and a wonderful lady, wrote me and in answer to my question, "How come I haven't seen your stuff in the mags for a while?", she told me that the magazines and yarn companies are hiring newbie designers or using in-house people to keep costs down and walking away from the better-known names. She's now concentrating on other outlets for her talents, such as writing articles for a magazine that has nothing to do with knitting.

It's fine to give new names a chance but to fill your issue with unknowns is downright stupid. Yeah, I know. It's the economy, stupid. But you get what you pay for, no? Along with poor photography, IK being tops in this category, the designs you see, other than those in VK, are blah-blah-drab. Can we blame the designers? I think not..

I'm saddened that my friend may disappear from the knitting design world. How many more will we lose? Yo, magazine editors. Get smart and stop being fucking idiots. Let your designers do their thing and pay them decently. Keep giving the novices a chance but don't forget the tried and true people who have made your magazines popular. I know that your readers would pay more per issue if you gave them quality instead of crap.

OK, I'm done with the rant. For the time being. Now, a beacon of light in the knitting publishing world that I am happy to discuss.

Go Gwen!
The other week, when I was hanging out at Stix-n-Stitches, my favorite knitting haunt and home to my soul sisters, the divine Ms. Sheila Handelsman and the incomparable Patty Way, I saw and grabbed Gwen Bortner's new book, Entree to Entrelac, published by XRX. Holy shit, what a book! I first did entrelac back in my Mon Tricot era, around 1978, just fooling around with it. Later on, I started but never finished the Forest Path Stole, a fabulous entrelac design in IK. I loved working it but somehow got off the beaten path.

Gwen's book truly is the definitive guide to entrelac. The amount of work that went into this book is astounding. Everything in it is outstanding--excellent diagrams, concise text, good photos, fabulous designs.

You know me, I don't blather over a book unless it hits me between the eyes. This one did, the first in a long time. I would say that it is equal to Cat Bordhi's books in technical information imparted perfectly.

I might even learn to knit backwards, something that I've shunned in the past. God knows, if I can't learn from Gwen's book, I'm a fucking moron.

So check it out, skanks. And buy it. I'm looking forward to meeting Gwen when she teaches two workshops at Stix-n-Stitches Sunday October 24th. If you live in North Jersey and are interested in attending, contact Sheila at the shop, 973-744-3535. I'll be there, just to meet Gwen. Being on unemployment precludes my attending the workshops, unfortunately.

Rhinebeck Prep
The clock is ticking. Three more days to go. This is the premier event of my year, possibly anticipated more than Christmas.

I will miss Lee Ann and Ted, neither of whom can make it this year. But there will be lots of friends there, plus readers whom I have never met.

So what knitting will I bring? Probably two things: a pair of Yeti socks that I'm making for a Christmas present. And this:

About a year ago, I spun this silk laceweight and two weeks ago, decided it was time to use it. You can kinda see the pattern--it's one of Sharon Miller's, from her Heirloom Lace book. I've used it before and although it's fairly complex, a 20 st/ 20 row repeat, I've pretty much memorized the pattern, with a quick glace at the chart sometimes.

As for spinning crap, I've been spindling this Corriedale for ages. It's about time I got it done.

So I'll bring this to Rhinebeck too, just to keep my fingers busy. I was going to bring the Punk Princess but she got tickets to a show down at the Stone Pony in Asbury Park, so she won't be with me this year. Can you believe my girl is now a freshman in the BFA program at Montclair State University? Yikes. She was 10 when I first started writing the blog. Now she's 18, and besides being my beloved granddaughter, a dear friend too.

So the next blog post will be about Rhinebeck, obviously. There'll be lots of pictures, no doubt. For those of you who can't make it, maybe next year? It's the one fiber festival that's worth attending, better, in my opinion, than MD Sheep & Wool.

Go early, shop heavy, hang with friends. I won't be spending a lot of money--do I really need more shit? But I look forward to meeting any readers who will be there. You'll usually find me at the concession stands, sitting at a picnic table with friends. If I'm not there, I certainly will be anon. Please don't hesitate to tap me on the shoulder and do a "Hey Mar!" in my ear.

My readers are rare and handy. Meeting you is even more so. See ya on Saturday (and Sunday, if I have the energy to make the 2-hour drive again).

Are We There Yet? Are We There Yet?

2010-09-13T12:43:00.000-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Instant gratification takes too long--Carrie Fisher

I've got a list of my favorite bipolars and the former Princess Leia ranks high. Here are a few of my other favorite manics.

Stephen Fry
Ray Davies
Vivien Leigh
Richard Dreyfuss
Mark Twain
Sting

Not to mention Abe Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Mozart, Vincent van Gogh, and a bunch of other writers, poets, musicians, and artists. Whenever I feel like shit, I think of these people and what they accomplished. And then there's Mel Gibson, who's a mess and a piss-poor poster boy for BP.

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme
As an "IT professional", I'm used to people wanting something immediately. This wretched disposition permeates our entire society, probably due to the rise of PCs and the internet. Sadly, it's invaded knitting to the point where I open a knitting catalog and practically every project is targeted towards beginners and those who HAVE to make something within two days. Weekend projects are not my cup of arsenic.

My favorite quote comes from a former boss. "If you want it in the worst way, that's probably how you'll get it."

So true.

Books for the Patient
I just purchased "Knitted Lace Designs of Herbert Niebling" from Schoolhouse Press (bless them for publishing this and other wonderful, thoughtful books). If you want to challenge yourself, try one of his incredible lace designs.

This is definitely a lock-yourself-in-a-room knitting situation. I'm planning on doing one of these this fall. After which, I will design and wear a knitted straitjacket.

Garden State Sheep & Wool
For those of you who think the opening scenes of the Sopranos constitute the sum total of New Jersey, you're wrong. Jersey is still the Garden State, despite being the most densely populated of the 50.

GS S&W is a wonderful small show, with lots of local producers and a real rural ambience. I always go, to buy buttons from the button lady and something special. This year, I found some fabulous suri alpaca from WoodsEdge Wools, one of the largest alpaca farms in the country, located in Stockton, NJ.

And then there are the vintage buttons I bought. My favorites are these, circus motifs from the 1940s. They were a bit difficult to photograph.

Teabagger Knitter
Those of you who've been Tonstant Weaders know that I'm a liberal freethinker, and the hatred of these miserable simpletons who call themselves Teabaggers makes me pukified (I think Sarah Palin used that word recently).

I suspect that many KnitDweebs are Teabaggers. Simpletons whose brains are trapped in a vicious cycle of ignorance.

Teabagger knitting projects:

Prayer shawl with the words "Obama is a Muslem" worked in Fair Isle
Placard knitted in red, white, and blue acrylic, "Repeel Congress" the slogan
Felted placard tote bag

Feel free to add your own Teabagger knitting project to the comments. Let's have some fuckin' fun with this!

Thank God there are no Teabagger or Teaparty groups on Ravelry. At least, none that I could find. Presumably, Teabagger knitters aren't very techo-savvy.

That's it for today. I'm busy knitting two cardigans for Logan and Colin, grandsons of my friends Bob and Jean. I'll probably publish the design--it's a raglan cardigan knit in the round in toddler sizes. I'll be using the circus buttons for them. Actually yanked enough Harrisville Shetland from the stash in burgundy and blue.

Rare and handy to work from the stash. I need to do that more often or I'll be starring on "Hoarders."

Be the skankiest, my skanks.

Walk This Way. Out the Door.

2010-08-27T18:11:00.000-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
It's a rather rude gesture, but at least it's clear what you mean -- Katharine Hepburn

Time and time again, you hear and read about rude yarn shop owners. What you don't hear about often are the rude customers. This past week, an obnoxious customer, a woman who created a scene in my favorite yarn shop, was gently asked by the owner to leave and not come back. I didn't witness this particular incident but I've seen it many times before, a demanding customer who thinks she's the only knitter in the store needing help NOW. Never mind that there are other people ahead of her.

KC's HOW TO BE A GOOD YARN SHOP CUSTOMER

If your kids can't behave, don't bring them into the shop. Leave them home.
Wait your turn patiently.
Don't pull out piles of skeins without putting them back neatly. The same goes for books.
Don't ask for a refund on yarn that A) you bought from the shop three years ago or B) that you bought elsewhere.
Use your gift certificate within the timeframe, which is now two years. Don't demand cash.
Read the shop's return policies--most stores have them posted--and don't bitch about them.
If you're sitting around a table and someone needs help while the store folks are busy, lend a hand.
If you disagree with the shop owner, discuss it like an adult. Don't make a scene in the store. It only makes you look like a fuckface.
Don't discuss politics or religion during the shop's knitting group get-together.
Remember that running a yarn shop is a business, not a free advice service. Buy something from your yarn shop on a regular basis.

Question of the Week
So, based on the above, what's the worst customer behavior you've ever seen in a yarn shop? Share your stories in the comments.

Obligatory Knitting Shit
I'm still cranking away on the Wonderland cape. Two skeins down, two to go. I'm not yet tired of the colorway, either. It's Water Hyacinth--I guess the sky blue is the water.

I bought more Blue Heron for an original lace shawl--Deep Water Silver. This is a new one from BH and lovely. I'm designing lace star motifs for the shawl. A fun project.

Working a sock design too, and preparing for my fall workshops. And still looking for a real job, although I do have a phone interview on Monday with a large advertising media group in NYC. I'm keeping myself busy with my knitting and spinning projects but making money is rather more important. Money--these days, rare and handy. More next week, skanks. Time to go out to play with Countess von Puppelah.

Live From New Jersey! It's KC Crap Live!

2010-08-16T18:30:00.002-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.--Dorothy Parker

I figured it was time for a quote from my favorite Jersey Girl, the divine Mrs. Parker. Did you know Dot was an avid knitter? Reviewing a play, she said, "If you don't knit, bring a good book."

Tonstant Weaders--that's a Dot term, used when she reviewed an AA Milne book, one I'm sure you all know well: " It is that word 'hunny,' my darlings, that marks the first place in The House at Pooh Corner at which Tonstant Weader fwowed up."

I like to think that were she still with us, Dot would appreciate "KnitDweebs," "warshcloths," "X-Men," "Tiny Diva."

VK LIVE!
For the first time ever, I am going to take some knitting workshops. Vogue Knitting Live, which makes Stitches look like the KnitDweebs' Carnival, has a phenomenal list of top knitting instructors (and a few duds, but fortunately not the two psycho designers I know and loathe).

As much as I hate living in Sopranoland--yes, I live around the corner from Pizzaland, a half-mile away from Satriale's Pork Store (torn down a few years ago), and close enough to the Jersey Turnpike and the Lincoln Tunnel to see all the landmarks in the opening sequence--living six miles from NYC is a big plus. I don't go to the city often these days, having been there/done that for my entire life. I'll be taking classes with Shirley Paden, Nancy Bush, Meg Swansen and Amy Detjen, and Kristin Nicholas, lectures by Nicky Epstein and Sally Melville.

I hope I don't fidget in class. If I do, the instructor is welcome to rap my knuckles. No, I didn't go to parochial school. Not a Catholic, but a lapsed Lutheran who was once caught chewing gum during the service. Pastor Berkobin, that miserable old German, made me stand up in front of the congregation and decided it was time to make an example of me as a naughty girl.

Naughty girl. The story of my fucking life. When he first met my mother, Jerry asked her, "What kind of kid was Marilyn?" My mother turns, gives me the Look, and says, "Difficult." Uh huh.

Obligatory Knitting Shit
Besides fucking around with charting a Shetland lace shawl, I've been working a new design I call the Wonderland Hooded Stole, using one of my favorite yarns, Blue Heron Rayon Metallic. My friend Patty was nice enough to model the scarf I designed with Rayon Metallic, Summer Meadow. I like real people as models. This will be available on my Etsy site once I get it all set up, as well as the Wonderland Hooded Stole.

The Wonderland Hooded Stole is coming along nicely. I love working with this shit!

I've discovered that the hood of my Elantra is the perfect place to shoot lace projects. Silver car, feh. I miss my purple Neon, the first new car I ever owned. Silver is so fucking boring...but I got a good price for the car so I live with the blandness.

The next design project is the Gansey socks redo. I know everyone wants me to offer multiple sizes but that may not happen, based on the stitch pattern repeats. I'll have to work it out.

Doing the Etsy thing seems to be a good idea. I'm not trying to make a living from my designs but I do want a coupla bucks for them. I'll be putting up freebies here, though, like I did with Leaves of Grass.

Farewell, Cleo
Those of you who are on my FaceBook Friends list know that I lost my beloved cat Cleo a few weeks ago. Cleo became ill very suddenly, I rushed her to the vet's early on a Saturday morning, and it turned out that she had mammary tumors that had metastasized to her brain. The poor baby couldn't stand up. So I made that hard decision, stroked her and loved her up as the vet euthanized her. I was, and still am, heartbroken. I only had Cleo for five years, being her third owner. But she and I had that special, special bond. I'll probably get another cat. My friend Monica has one she'd like to give me. We'll see.

Question of the Week
I stole this from the Spin-Off e-mail newsletter because it made me think. Did you craft as a child? My mother Ellie, who taught me to knit, encouraged me to make things when I was very young, giving me modeling clay and crayons at age 3, a loop loom for potholders at 4, and by 5, I was making my own Christmas presents for my grandparents.

Mom was always challenged to keep me busy because I was an overactive kid, always getting into shit, especially her knitting bag. I loved the bright colors of the markers and would pocket one or two. Her darning egg, which I doubt she ever used, was fascinating. I remember her making a beautiful beaded collar to wear with her hand-knitted Chanel suit when she went to the opera. I wanted those fucking beads! Books, music, and making shit always keep me out of trouble, to this day. Were you a crafty kid? Tell us in the comments.

You Asked For It, Skanks!
The other day, I was sitting out in the yard with my iPod Nano, my knitting, and Sam, aka Countess von Puppelah. (Jerry's been calling her Puppelah from the day we got her, so he gets credit.) It dawned on me that the Nano has a video camera. So I got an idea. Yeah. Take a video so that readers who haven't ever met me in person will get an idea of who I really am.

My hair is a mess, no makeup. Fuck, I look old. Well, so be it. I'm alive and still kicking butt. The video is totally ad libbed. I debated putting it up but then decided fuck it, up it goes. As Dot says in the quote, take me or leave me.

Rare and handy? Well, as Liz used to say, "maybe yes, maybe no."

Crazy Knitting

2010-08-11T14:51:00.000-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
We of the craft are all crazy--Lord Byron
Mad, bad, and dangerous to know--Lady Caroline Lamb about Lord Byron

Once upona time, my pdoc asked me if there were a cure for manic depression, would I take it? Hell, no. Not if it meant I became Ms. Roboto.

For years, I've kept an analytical eye on my creativity. When the mania begins, my brain is flooded with lots of wonderful ideas, some of which become reality, most of which get trashed in the maelstrom of my brain. Lately, I've had some minor brain thrashings but out of the miasma came a few good ideas, which I'll yap about shortly.

So what wid dis? Bipolar disorder--a family affair. Generally, I pop my meds and carry on with my life, with the label "bipolar" far from my mind. But for the past few weeks, I've been helping a family member through a bad manic depressive episode. This person, who shall remain unnamed, has just discovered that they are manic depressive, late in life.

There are two things I care about: Helping newbie knitters who want to get past the scarf level and people who suffer from debilitating mental illness. I will never desert either group when they ask me for help.

Wartshops
Yeah, I'll be doing a few of these this fall, locally, at Stix-n-Stitches in Montclair, NJ, primarily for beginners. A lace workshop, a knitting clinic where attendees can bring their problems and questions and I'll teach them some small but useful things, a finishing workshop, and spindling for newbies.

I've been a trainer for a number of years and there are certain rules of thumb that a teacher needs to follow. First, have a fucking sense of humor. There's nothing worse than sitting in class with a dour schoolmarm holding a ruler for knuckle-rapping. Next, make sure you provide attendees with useful handouts that will help them recall what they learned. And the most important rule--involve your students. Make 'em do, stimulate questions, and at the end, hand out a survey they can answer anonymously so that you can learn from them.

Teaching is not about you, you, you. It's about your students. End of story. I've heard horror stories about certain knitting teachers that made me cringe, one in particular who spent the class time discussing her personal problems. Boy, did I ever hear bitching about that broad. I know her, and she's one of the neediest individuals I've ever met.

Sample, Stoopid!
When I spin, I sample the fiber first. This is as critical to spinning as knitting a gauge swatch.

Recently, having finished the silk for Tour de Fleece, I rescued another bag of that cormo-mohair I bought last year at Rhinebeck.

This time, I decided it would work better as laceweight than the DK I spun from the other bag. So here's the sampling show.

I rather like the mix of puppy-shit brown, lavender, and blue but this definitely needed a sampling before I would commit to the entire pound.

So far, so good. It drafted nicely and consistently, although it has a bit too much veg matter. Still, I needed to do the plying. I'm not of the school that says let the single twist back on itself to see what the finished product will look like. That's bullshit. You have to ply, you have to wash. What you get will be quite different than the doubled single.

OK. Plying time.

Now I'm liking what I'm seeing. The final determination--the washed miniskein.

I finally remembered to include the fucking penny. The end product tells me two things. First, I want a finer yarn so I'll spin my singles a bit thinner. Second, I like the colorway. And there's enough fiber for me and Mammy.

Every evening, I spin for about a half hour or so. No rush for this project. The Matchless is free, if I feel the need to start another spinning project. And there's always the spindles.

I doubt that I'll ever bother to do the Tour de Fleece again. What's the fucking point? To put yourself on a deadline to spin? Why? If you spin a little every day, you don't need an event to force you to spin. And although I enjoyed seeing some of the other spinners' work, Ravelry has made it too big and too impersonal.

Television: A medium - so called because it is neither rare nor well done.
That's a quote from the late, great Ernie Kovacs. Those of us who are old enough to remember his brilliance are among the fortunate.

That said, I've decided to take on a project that might be one of the most interesting I've ever attempted. My friend Bob, a producer at CableVision/Optimum Online, a large cable company that covers parts of NY, NJ, and CT, has for years pushed me to do my own cable show. I demurred, primarily because I was working and really didn't have the time.

I do now. So I've begun writing a pilot script for a half-hour show, The Knitting Curmudgeon. No, I'm no Vickie Howell. Thank God.

Each episode will focus on a particular knitting topic. I'll interview someone of interest. Do a 5-minute product and book review. And attack the KnitDweebs, no doubt about it.

When Bob gets back from Maine, lucky bastard, I'll sit down with him and get the final presentation ready for CableVision. If they accept it, I'll do it. If not, no big deal. The funny thing is, we can't get Cablevision here in North Arlington. It's Comcast territory.

Me on TV? Rare and handy? I'm not kidding myself. We'll see what happens and I'll keep you posted.

Thank you all for the blog anniversary wishes! Nobody has a better group of skanky readers than I. Yeah, fucking grammatically correct.

Number 8, Number 8, Number 8

2010-07-25T18:22:00.002-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
I put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my works--Oscar Wilde

Yet another year passes.

I was trying to come up with some kind of witty surprise for my 8th blog birthday but the ole brain just ain't cranking out smart, snappy shit today.

Honest to God, my first entry on July 25, 2002, was a snorer. However, after that one, I got into the swing of things. I just reread the next entry, The KC's Top 10 List of Overrated Knitting Fads, and I have to say, knitting hasn't changed much. I still consider these ten items overrated. I might add a few more, though. Magic Loop being one. I know, lots of people love it. I find it more trouble than it's worth. Feel free to add to the list.

The History of the Knitting Curmudgeon
Going back to 1997, on the KnitList, I often got myself into flame wars because I refused to kiss knitting asses and frequently put the KnitDweebs on the spot when they acted like they knew all there was about knitting. And knew virtually nothing. That didn't stop them from running their cyber mouths. I recall one biggie with the then-ubiquitous GM Almalfitano. Old timers will remember that one. She's now an Episcopal nun. God bless her. Heh.

Christmas 1998--Jimmy's birthday. I decided to buy him a copy of The Portable Curmudgeon. He laughed his ass off...but the word "curmudgeon" lodged itself in my head. At that time, we were on AOL, which offered simple websites for members. AHA! I decided it would be fun to make my own website and call it "The Knitting Curmudgeon." I wrote an essay on the origins of Aran knitting, had a section called "The Anatomy of a Knitting Disaster," and other knitting-related items whose topics I have forgotten after 12 years.

I updated The Knitting Curmudgeon occasionally, and people from the KnitList actually read it. By 2000, though, I was busy at work, going through a web development course, so I pretty much abandoned the website.

January 31, 2002. My world as I knew it was destroyed. My beloved Jimmy died suddenly after a short illness, acute myelogenous leukemia, and I was left bereft, bereaved, and lost. I struggled with my grief, shored up my guts, and continued on, not knowing where I was going but wending the wayward road back to life. On July 25th, I found the wayward road's emergency shoulder. Blogger.

WTF is a blog? A "weblog"? Could this be a project that would take my mind off my sorrow? I loved to write and it hit me that this might be a good way to exercise my skills. I don't remember how I found out about blogs. Probably read about them in the NY Times. I remember the first blog I ever read was Bonne Marie Burns's Chic Knits. Cool! And then there was Chunky Delicious, another wonderful knitting blog. Stacey Joy's RedLipstick, Carrieoke's Knitting Blog. That was about it. This was long before the big blogs--Yarn Harlot and Wendy came a bit later. I was psyched. So hence, The Knitting Curmudgeon became a blog.

Over time, I wrote about my life as well as knitting and then spinning. My gawd-awful dates and boyfriends. One of my favorite entries is Date-zilla. I don't think I'll EVER forget that one! It's the August 31, 2002 post, if you're interested. And then, there was Achim, the Nasty German, JT who I almost forgot about, and a few more one-hit wonders. With Liz growing up and dyeing her hair a ghastly blue, she became the Punk Princess. My mother, always an inspiration, made cameo blog appearances. And then there's Scrappy, my sister the scrapbooker. A cast of characters, indeed.

My spinning improved while writing the blog, with other bloggers being my inspiration. I was so impressed with ttheir spinning that I finally sat down at my Matchless, which had been gathering dust in the living room, and got up to spinning speed, so to speak. Just to toss in a picture to break up the text, here's my final Tour de Fleece silk laceweight. Chasing Rainbows is wonderful shit! I shoulda put a penny in the strands for reference. Bite me.

The best thing about writing the blog is the wonderful friends I have made. Readers all of them, some of whom I've met in person, others who I hope to meet at Rhinebeck this year. Of course, there have been a few trolls whom I had to ban from the comments, one person in particular comes to mind, a witch who I suspect is a borderline personality and who has spread her hateful spewings on other blogs as well as mine. I won't name names but she is a "designer." Yeah, so to speak. And then there was the onslaught of the Purling Puppies, members of the webring of the same name, whose delicate egos I offended when I mocked their puppies 'n' knitting fixations--they flooded my comments with shrill shrieks. Shit, I have a puppy but Sam has nothing to do with my fiberwork.

As I always say, I write for myself, not for others. I knit and design for myself, not for others. But the Others mean the world to me. That's YOU, skanks. The Tontant Weaders who've followed me on my knitting and occasionally bipolar journey are rare and handy. OK, enough of this shit. I have knitting and spinning to do.

Idiot Cord for a True Maroon

2010-07-21T17:18:00.000-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

It is better of course to know useless things than to know nothing.--Tom Stoppard

If I spent time foraging in my brain to figure out how many useless things I know, I'd never get useless things done.

Yes, this blog is filled with useless shit. Like the next bit about I-Cord. Whatta maroon!

Knitting Nancy, French Knitting, Spool Knitting...and then, I-Cord
Well, you all honored EZ with the invention of I-Cord, although she used her term "unvented" when discussing it. Certainly, EZ took I-Cord to the nth degree.

But as Ted mentioned in the comments, French Knitting (my mother always called the tool a Knitting Nancy) uses a spool with four nails hammered around the top edge--it has been around longer than EZ.

I've found a wonderful book published in 1909 by Mary A. McCormack called "Spool Knitting." Check it out here in .pdf format. Now, if you need a chimney cleaner, you can put your I-Cord to good use following Ms. McCormack's directions.

Project Gutenberg is a free, open library where you can download books whose copyrights have expired. That's where I found "Spool Knitting" but the link I've given you is from American Libraries Internet Archive because the .pdf displays the book in its original, charming format.

Is there such a thing as Imbecile-Cord for seriously stupid knitters? There's a Ravelry group for Mensa members (I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members, as Groucho said). But no KnitDweeb group. What a pity. That means they're running rampant but at least I don't have to read their warshcloth, acrylic prayer shawl adventures.

Spun Out
I've got blisters on my fingers! (OK, skankettes, who said that? On what song? I gotta keep you sharp, dontcha know.)

I could write an article about spinning silk top. But I won't. Here's how ya do it:

Rule 1: Don't spin from the top without dividing it into little strips. If you don't break it down, you'll end up with a disgusting mess.
Rule 2: Always use Scotch tensioning (no Irish tensioning, no double-drive) and start with light tension. If your tension is too strong, the twist will get away from you. You can adjust the speed of your treadling until you're comfortable with the tension.
Rule 3: Don't fucking clutch the fiber! EVER.
Rule 4: Measure and count, measure and count. That's a rule for any fiber, if you want consistency in your single.

Got it? Good. The picture below shows finished Bobbin #1 and a strip of the silk. I'm almost done with the second bobbin, hopefully with plied fiber in time for the end of Tour de Fleece on Saturday.

Can't wait to knit this shit.

Fiberality Fucking Around
Still designing socks and other things, although it looks like I'll be going back to work as of August 2. I'd like to introduce you to my premier sock model, Ms. Elisabeth Wagner, aka Punk Princess, prior to our recent photo shoot.

Such ebullient excitement! ("Yeah, OK, Gram. I'll do it if I can keep the socks. HURRY UP with the camera already!")

I've got directions to finish but here are two that will be available anon:

Miz Mermaid cuff-down socks, made with Black Bunny Fibers SoftSilk sock yarn. This is a simple slip-stitch pattern that works very well with hand-painted yarn. The pattern will be available on Patternfish.com. I'm going to give it to Carol, too, so she can give it away with the yarn, if she likes.

And here's the Leaves of Grass socks redo:

More SoftSilk. I love this stuff. I'll put up the link to the .pdf here, in the sidebar, and make it available via Ravelry too.

Tick, Tick, Tick
In just a few days, on July 25th, I'll be celebrating this blog's 8th anniversary.

It's hard to believe that I've been doing this since I was a young'un of 52. I promise I'll do something special on the 25th, although I haven't quite figured out what. The heat's making my brain everso unrare, unhandy, and generally funky.

Later, skanks.

Luddites Unite!

2010-07-12T22:22:00.001-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.--Mark Twain.

Even though I am a FaceBook and Ravelry devotee, I'm convinced that there is TMI, as my daughter Corinne says.

Too much fucking information. And too little actual interpersonal connection these days. When was the last time you truly sat down with a good friend and talked about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness? I'm feeling the need to see the two most important friends from my childhood--Dottie and Peggy. The older I get, the more important these women are to me. The three of us share deep experiences--teenage heartbreak, fucked-up marriages (them, not me), and the births of our children.

It's time to get real, and trash the cyber connection.

Too Much Shit!
Have you ever really analyzed why you knit or spin? And why you have a stash? Mine is now out of control. When you start stumbling over stash yarn that you loved at first sight, had to buy, but whose sudden reappearance is a shockerooni--"Holy shit, where did THIS come from?"--what does that say about you?

With me, knitting and my stash has always been the sanity lifeline. I always said, if I stop knitting, get me to the hospital asap. Never mind that knitting allows me to make stuff I can use. That's the least of it. If my focus goes haywire, knitting always brings me back to the real world, fiber provides color and comfort, and a new design project gives me great anticipation and joy. Knitting is the "lover" that never disappoints.

That said, no, I'm not giving away any of my stash. Yet. If I do, it will go to nursing homes, not to friends. Or I'll sell it at the next Stash sale at Stix-n-Stitches.

Wheel On, Baby
So I've been spinning a shitload of silk for the Tour de Fleece. I posted pictures twice on my Ravelry team discussion boards but frankly, there's so many people putting up pictures, I'm thinking it's a waste of time. I'm on schedule with the silk, though.

Here's the first week's effort.

This is the first of the two 2-oz. tops that I have.

Silk can be a bitch to spin. Not recommended for beginners. Top can become very compressed, due to dye processing, and this top has needed a fair amount of pre-drafting in preparation for spinning. I carefully open up the fiber and use only a very thin strip of the top. I don't spin from the fold, usually, because I find annoying.

Silk can also be very tough on the fingers. I hold the fiber in my right hand, control the twist with my left hand thumb and index finger for my worsted draw. The tip of my index finger, through which the fiber slides, is feeling a bit sore. Today is a TdF rest day but I'll probably do some spinning anyway because that's my daily evening routine.

Obligatory and Ubiquitous Knitting Shit
I'm so glad the Punk Princess is going to college 15 minutes from my house because she's my sock model. On Wednesday, she's providing her feet for a couple of sock designs, including the Leaves of Grass redo.

I haven't felt like designing anything other than socks lately, probably because it's too fucking hot.

Longtime readers might remember this Gansey sock I designed.

I recently found the chart for this, so I'm going to redo it, size it for children, women, and men, and then publish it.

The Leaves of Grass sock will be available next week via Ravelry and as a download here. Tontant Weader Kat is doing it toe-up so I may rework the chart and directions for toe-up at some point. (Kat also got the answer to who sang "Hot, Hot, Hot"--Buster Poindexter.

Now, the question of the week is: Which do you prefer? Cuff down or toe up?

Lately I've been getting into toe-up, especially now that I've learned Judy's Magic Cast-on. Talk about rare and handy. This is the kind of contribution to knitting that I've been talking about. Is Judy a knitting "celeb"? No, she's a generous person who's given knitters a solution that is close to i-cord in value. However, should she write a book, I'd buy it, or make a personal appearance, I'd love to meet her.

Do you recall who invented i-cord? And what the "i" stands for? Go for it, skanks.

I'm hot -- You're hot -- He's hot -- She's hot

2010-07-07T13:52:00.002-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?--Stephen Wright

Ole, ole! As I write this, it's 96 degrees F here in northeastern New Jersey. Yeah, I'm air-conditioned. Mammy didn't raise no fool. You get an A+ from me if you can name the singer who sang the lyrics in this post's title.

So besides adding to our family--Miz Sam, our new Beagle (with some Pomeranian) who we adopted this past Saturday, it's been slow living. Sam and Cleo have sniffed each other and declared a quasi-friendship.

Me mind on fire -- Me soul on fire -- Feeling hot hot hot
So the question that's been posed by several friends on FaceBook is what do you knit when it's this hot? Or do you just dump the knitting entirely? I never stop, knitting or spinning. Summer is the time for laceweight shawls/scarves, silk/merino socks, and spinning silk.

What are you all working on in the heat? Do tell. My current project is a reworking of my Leaves of Grass sock pattern, my first sock design from 1997. The link will take you to the original pattern. It was my Christmas gift to the list. A number of people have made this sock pattern--here's the Ravelry link, if you're interested.

I hadn't read the pattern in years...and found a mistake. Of course. I've always loved this twin leaf pattern so I decided to redo the whole thing properly. Don't forget, back in 1997, we didn't have digital cameras, so many of the KnitList patterns were knitted on faith. The corrected pattern will be free, as it was back then, here and on Ravelry.

Holey Gusset, Batman!
OK, ready? Here's my modus operandi.

For a long time, I fucked around with common heel gusset holes. I tried spanning the gusset junctions by picking up a thread on either side. This was truly half-assed and still left a small hole.

Then, I decided to spend some time analyzing the gusset architecture and lo! Gusset Epiphany!

I usually work my socks on 4 dps but depending upon the stitch pattern, I may use 2 circs. Magic Loop drives me fucking crazy. For newbie sock knitters, the figure below will give you an idea of how it works.

A common heel flap traditionally begins as follows: You take half the sock stitches, put them on hold for the instep (Needle 2), and then work the stitches on Needles 1 & 3 for the flap, generally using the heel stitch--Slip first stitch purlwise, k1, slip 1: repeat across row, then turn, slip first stitch purlwise, and purl across.

I realized that when you slip the first stitch, you strand from the last stitch on Needle 2 (stranding occurs with circs, too) to the second stitch on Needle 3, as shown below.

Here's where the hole problem starts. You can see it clearly in the photo.

Gotta get rid of this stranding. The solution? Knit 2 rows of stockinette without slipping the first stitches. Then start the heel stitch pattern with the initial slipped stitch. No stranding.

Let's say that we've got 30 stitches for our heel flap, the formula for which dictates that you work 30 rows, slipping the first stitch of every row so that you can use the resulting chained edge for the gusset pickup--15 chains on each side of the flap. Working an extra two rows of stockinette means that each gusset edge will need another stitch--that makes 16 stitches for each edge.

OK, so far, so good. Once you've finished your heel flap and the shortrow heel turn, it's time for the gusset pickup, beginning on Needle 1. Because you knit the two rows of st st, you'll work the first pick-up to accommodate those rows, then hit the chain stitches.

Newbie Note: Always knit into the back of the chain stitch, which will twist the stitch and avoid a hole. See the picture below.

(Yeah, not a great picture but you get the idea.)

Once you've worked your way down the chains, you'll have to deal with the gusset junction--the area between the gusset edge and the instep.

Most sock patterns don't tell you WHERE to do the extra pickup, just to do it. WHERE is key.

Always pick up the junction stitch two rows below the last chain pickup. Don't pick up anything over on the instep.

Work the instep stitches on Needle 2.

Now you'll work backwards on Needle 3--pick up your junction stitch below the first chain stitch, do the chain stitch pickups, and end with your last pickup for the stockinette rows. A total of 17 stitches for each gusset edge.

The original formula called for 15 stitches. Will adding an extra 4 stitches to the gusset be a problem? Not at all. The extended gusset decreases will alter the width of the instep slightly, keeping it wider in circumference a bit more but it's not enough to affect the fit, really.

Here's the finished product:

Works for me. I'm always looking for rare and handy ways to make my work better.

Now, back to spinning for Tour de Fleece.

Yarns in the Pipeline?

2010-06-30T17:41:00.000-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
"Start thinking outside the box"--one of my many corporate bosses

So, apropos to last week post, I have come to an epiphany about the so-called knitting world.

Are You a PC or Apple Knitter?
Therein lies the rub. Knitting, due to the enormous popularity of the craft, has become a corporate nightmare, as I see it. Once a craft that attracted people who were individualistic, since 1997, when the KnitList became the refuge of many KnitDweebs and knitting started to take off, knitting has become "big business" propelled by the yarn companies and magazines.

In other words, the knitting "world" is now the fucking craft paradigm, pardon the jargon.

Anyone who remembers when Knitter's Magazine still made a connection with its readers, when Interweave Knits was edited by people who understood the individualistic nature of the craft, when yarn company ads were less like an insurance company commercial and more like an ad in your local paper, remembers that knitting was and still can be a personal, expressive craft.

Yes, knitting has joined corporate America. Hence the rise of the knitting celebs, along with ghastly knitting jargon. I never have, never will use the following:

Knitterati
Knitterly
KIP
SEX
SABLE
Tink
Frog
The word "ewe" in any form of idiotic pun

God help us all, there's even a book on knitting jargon--"The Secret Language of Knitters."
This is why I will always be an indie. Knitting does not define me. I define it for myself.

Tour de Fleece
As you know, if you're a Tontant Weader, groups and me don't generally equate, with the exception of my beloved skanks at Stix-n-Stitches, Sheila and I having been separated at birth, and my occasional appearance on Ravelry.

This year, because I have more fucking time on my hands than ever before, I've decided to join Team Peleton on Ravelry. Why not? I spin every day anyhoo. This week, though, I've been rushing to get the Black Bunny Fibers Bluefaced Leicester/silk of the Joy to free it up for TDF.

This was fun to spin, another entry in my project to spin various weights. I used two different colorways, both with that amazing yellow. Carol, I don't know how the fuck you got that yellow but I love it!

Now, I have some Chasing Rainbows bombyx silk top in the Pansies colorway that's been percolating in the fiber stash for several years. Laceweight is calling.

Got four ounces of this stuff that I'll attempt to spin during the three-week TDF period. For those of you who are interested, it starts on Saturday, July 3 and continues until the end of the Tour de France. Check out the group on Ravelry. I'll post my progress here as well as on Ravelry.

Shut Your Sockhole
Recently, I read in some knitting rag that you can't avoid holes in cuff-down heel gussets. Bullshit. I've got my own little tricks that make for a nice gusset join with no holes whatsoever.

This is the Punk Princess's teeny foot doing a preliminary modeling for one of my Fiberality Stoopid TV Knitting sock designs. She gets to keep all the socks, too. Liz is the only one in the family with small feet. The rest of us wimmens have humongous dogs.

I did take a shot of the gusset so that you can see WTF I'm talking about.

If you're interested, I'll write about how I do my gussets next week. Ah, fuck it, even if you aren't interested, I'll write about it. Holeless gussets are rare and handy, dontcha know.

Have a great 4th, skanks!

Sycophantastic! Knitting Kiss-asses Rule!

2010-06-17T20:21:00.001-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists.--George Carlin

The day Carlin died, I wept. Bill Maher has taken his place in many ways but this quote from George says it all.

Haven't been much in the mood to post recently but I'm gonna get back onto a writing schedule. I'm spending way too much time on FaceBook. So, let's continue with my rant, eh? Haven't ranted in a while.

Lackey Love
Lately, I've become more aware of how many toadies the minor world of knitting has created. Including people I thought were above prostrating themselves at the feet of knitting "celebrities." Or who view themselves as such, perhaps because they've had something published and had their asses kissed.

"Oooh, oooh, oooh, I loooovve that incredible mess of yarn that you call a garment." Fuck ya. Everyone's a fucking designer these days. I design...for myself. If you like it, great. If not, it ain't gonna change my life.

Let's take the Wayback Machine and look at the original true stellar knitters. Elizabeth Zimmermann, no argument there. Barbara Walker, Barbara Abbey, Maggie Righetti, Ida Riley Duncan, Gladys Thompson, Mary Thomas, Mary Walker Phillips, James Norbury, Marianne Kinzel--these are the people from whom I learned, and whose books are well loved and well used.

If there were no other knitting books available, you could learn what you needed to know from these august writers. God knows I did. These writers taught me everything.

As for spinning, that's a world less filled with sycophants. And a world with far fewer stars. I learned how to spin from Mabel Ross's "Essentials of Spinning" and Lee Raven's book "Hands On Spinning." Then came Priscilla Gibson-Roberts and Abby Franquemont for spindling. Any other spinning books are simply icing on the cake.

These days, too many people are clamoring for star status. So who are the stellar knitters these days? People who actually contribute to the body of knitting knowledge: Shirley Paden, Kaffe Fassett, Nancy Bush, Cat Bordhi, Ann Budd, Marianne Isager, Nicky Epstein, people like these. The rest of the "celebs" need to disappear, put their egos into perspective, and STFU.

And what wid every designer now having their own yarn line? WTF? Frankly, there is too much yarn out there as it is. Do we really need yet another line of yarn? I don't think so. That said, here's my new line of KC Idiot-proof yarn, specially milled for me by the local hardware store.

Fuck You Red
Kiss My Ass Orange
Bite Me Blue
WTF White
Skanky Silver
Gobsmacked Green
Asswipe Aqua

More colors to come, Tontant Weaders welcome to submit their ideas in the comments. Heh.

Obligatory Knitting Shit
So, yeah, I'm still out of work but knitting and spinning away.

One thing I've realized from talking to other knitters at Stix-n-Stitches, my local yarn hangout, is that people really don't want to work complex designs. What they want is simple shit that looks good. So I've been working on a series of designs I call "Stoopid TV Knitting". The sock below, knit with Carol's wonderful Black Bunny Fibers SoftSilk 50% merino/50% silk sock yarn, is a 6-round, 4-stitch repeat.

All I need to do is finish the second one and jam the pair onto the Punk Princess's teeny feet so I can photograph them properly.

Evening is spinning time.

More Black Bunny Fiber--this fabulous 50% Blue-faced Leicester/50% silk has been incredible to spin. Have you figured out that I'm a big BBF fan? Carol is one of the finest dyers, with great taste in fiber. You can't go wrong with her stuff.

Punk Princess Time
My baby girl isn't much of a baby anymore. She's starting college in September, accepted into Montclair State University's BFA program. She's quite the artist. This is one of my favorite pieces from her senior art show.

Her senior project theme was music. Each senior had to produce 24 pieces for the year, then design their own booth for the show.

The Four Gens: Me, Liz, daughter Corinne, and my everlovin' Mammy, who'll be 87 in August. And still puts knitters half her age to shame. A rare and handy group, no?

I promise, I'll be writing every week now. My 8th blog anniversary is next month and I'll be damned if I let this blog go down the tubes. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

Tick, Tick, Tick

2010-04-21T17:00:00.002-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. -- Mark Twain

I do mind, kinda. On the other hand, my brain sez "Shut up, kid. You bother me." OK, so this Sunday I'll be 60. Fuck it. I was a baby of 52 when I started this blog. Not much has changed, has it. I'm still a profane, opinionated pottymouth. Thank God.

Forget Me Not...Ya Senile Old Skank
I was rummaging through boxes of stash down in the basement and lo! I find this silk I spun two years ago. Good scarf material. I evidently had started some crap with it so this afternoon I ripped it out, steamed out the kinks, and put it where I can find it again.

Having almost finished spinning the cormo/mohair I bought at Rhinebeck, I'll probably return to some silk I was spinning, Chasing Rainbows stuff that is beautiful.

The cormo/mohair was an exercise in adapting my drafting. A good spinner can do that--spin laceweight, then turn around and spin singles for DK. There are a few "drafting issues" here but I accept this as the ubiquitous "learning experience." I have another bag of this fiber and I'll put that on the Joy, with the silk on the Matchless.

I suppose I could use the cormo/mohair as a weft for a scarf. Jerry really likes it a lot. He enjoys being the recipient of scarves, socks, and ultimately, that fucking Aran that's lying fallow in a bag.

Verena (No, Not a Tommy James and the Shondells Oldie)
I've bought this magazine in the past--it was OK but nothing exciting. But the spring issue--incredibly good!

The reason? Burda, the publisher, got smart and hired Margery Winter as editor. For those of you who haven't been knitting a long time, Margery is a former editor of Vogue Knitting. She was a fine editor for VK and she has done a superlative job with Verena. You get 50 patterns for $7.99 and there isn't a dog among them. Well-photographed, decent directions and charts. What more could you ask for? I liked it enough to consider subscribing.

The Punk Princess Goes to College
Can you believe it? Lizziebug was only 10 when I first started this blog. She was accepted into the BFA program at Montclair State University last month and she'll start next September.

This how Liz looks these days. Dontcha love the piercing? She wants a tattoo, much to her mother's chagrin. In fact, I have this picture of Corinne modeling a sweater for Crochet Fantasy back in 1988, when she was a year younger than Liz is now. Corinne searched the internet for this a few months ago and found it on some European website.

Yeah, I did give birth to her. If I hadn't been there, I wouldn't believe it.

So much for family shit. Liz will probably go with me to Rhinebeck this year. Because she thinks my friends are "kewl."

She's right. They're pretty rare and handy.

Remembrance of Fuck-Ups Past

2010-04-13T20:19:00.003-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

If I create from the heart, nearly everything works; if from the head, almost nothing.--Marc Chagall

Marc Chagall is one of my favorite painters. I live by this credo. Writing, designing, gardening, cooking, whatever I do from scratch, it's got to ring true in my soul.

No doubt that's why I never became a great mathematician. Fine by me. I can do math for knitting and that's all I need, plus figuring out what the tip should be.

Life Redux

Unemployment has given me a lot of time to ponder years gone past. I suppose growing older makes you review memories. God knows my mother loves to talk about people only she and I remember, my brother and sister being too young to have known them.

I've put the book on hold because I need to put my energies elsewhere. The past week, I've been recalling my early years in publishing. I've never shared this with anyone, probably because I tend to play it close to the vest. Now, however, I'm back in the yarn industry, whence I first started.

It's 1983, I'm 33 years old, with a 14-year old and an 11-year old, and a husband who doesn't make a lot of money as a sales engineer. The nine years that I spent working as a psychiatric technician at Essex County Hospital Center, the largest county psychiatric hospital in the country, are over, due to my bad back. No more lifting sick patients and tossing 50-pound bags of wet sheets into a laundry cart.

No skills at all. I could type about 55 words-per-minute, had two semesters of college as a declared French major, and that was it. But I had to get a job. We needed the money badly.

One Sunday that January, reading the Times, I got it into my head that maybe there were jobs for knitters in the Times' classified section. I had been doing finishing work for the local yarn shops, teaching at one shop, knitting baby layettes and christening gowns for women at the hospital, so knitting was one thing I knew I could do well. As I've always said, you wouldn't want me to be your server for this evening.

In early February, I'm reading the classifieds and lo! There's an ad for an assistant knitting editor. Impulsively, I called the number in the ad (no resume was requested) and found out it was McCall's Needlework and Crafts, a magazine that I loved and bought consistently. Vogue Knitting had just restarted publication the year before. Threads was yet to come, as was Knitter's. Handmade was gone. Knitters had very few resources back then, compared to the ridiculous amount of books and magazines available now. So McCall's Needlework and Crafts was the gold standard. Holy shit! The picture below was my first issue.

The senior editor, a woman who became the bane of my existence, told me to come to their offices on 7th Avenue and 53rd Street in NYC for an interview.

The day of the interview, I was shitting in my pants. I hadn't been that nervous since I auditioned for a second violin seat in the New Jersey Preparatory Orchestra, the junior branch of the NJ Symphony.

I couldn't stop shaking, all the way from Montclair to NYC, a half-hour bus ride. I walked into the hallowed halls, pulled myself together, and met with the senior editor, Betsy (last name conveniently forgotten). I was then ushered into the sanctum sanctorum of the knitting editor, Gena Rhoades.

While Betsy was the type of New York snot that I abhorred (I'm sure she wore white gloves when she wiped her ass), Gena was the exact opposite. In her early 60s at that time, she had been knitting editor for McCall's since the 1940s. She had run the yarn department of Wanamaker's department store downtown and was offered the knitting editor's position after the war, I believe. Despite her exalted position at McCall's (at least, to me), Gena was easy-going, down to earth, and kind. An expert crocheter, she hated editing knitting patterns so I was her girl. We both shared a love of crossword puzzles. As she said, "If you can do puzzles well, you'll be a good knitting editor." Well, that remained to be seen.

As a test, Gena sent me home with a child's sweater that had just been photographed for the upcoming issue. I had to figure out its construction and write up the directions, then return in a week.

Other than writing nurse's notes as a psych tech, I had never written knitting directions--just followed them. Poring over the McCall's format and then figuring out how the sweater was made, counting stitches, measuring the damned thing, and agonizing over every little detail, it took me the full week to pull together what was expected. I went back, met with Gena again, and left, hoping against hope that they'd hire me. They did and I was ecstatic. My dream job. Which would turn into a nightmare.

I was hired for my knitting skills but I knew shit about publishing. The assistant knitting editor had to do the directions layout because the art director, Gen Yee, was not allowed to do so, since he might accidentally cut out a piece unknowingly. So that was my main job, along with typing the directions and spec'ing them for the printer. Remember, this was before PCs, so everything was done manually.

The copy editor vaguely explained what point size and leading was. I was clueless. Every time I tried to do the layout, I fucked it up. The Fair Isle charts, the only charting done at that time, had to be sent out to be reduced by a reproduction shop. I used a special wheel that would give me the correct reduction percentage. I constantly fucked that up, too.

I loved talking to readers, who would call the offices for help. I loved having my own office, complete with needles and yarn. But Betsey was on my back constantly, turning me into a nervous wreck. I just didn't get the whole layout thing and she took it personally. Nobody had time to sit with me and really teach me how to do what I was supposed to do. Gena was sympathetic but she didn't know how to do layout either.

The final straw was a fuck-up of monumental proportions. As assistant knitting editor, I was responsible for putting together "specials"--reprints of old patterns, with the exception of the Barbie outfit specials, done by another editor. We did a Christmas special, an afghan special, and the infamous Fashion Bazaar, which was my downfall.

I picked out a bunch of sweaters for the Fashion Bazaar issue, going through the "chromes" (chrome alum was used to process the photographs). I worked untold hours on the layout, picking a lovely pair of his and hers Aran sweaters for the cover. Gena loved it. I was mentally confused...I felt like I had lost my grip on the magazine's organization. But out the package of manuscripts and chromes went to the printer because when you work in publishing, deadlines are sacred. "Late" ain't a word in your vocabulary.

The printer would send back the "blues" for the final corrections. These were, in fact, blueprints of the magazine as it would be printed. You could make last minute changes but they cost. I gave the blues a precursory look, Gena checked them, and Betsy reviewed them and signed off on them. Good to go.

A few weeks later, I walked into my office and there was the printed and bound copy of Fashion Bazaar. With a curt note from Betsey. "Come to my office immediately!" Oh fuck. What does the bitch want NOW?

Betsy's office was a place that I seldom frequented and avoided like the plague. However, the people who worked there then were by and large wonderful. Lola Ehrlich, a future Vogue Knitting editor, was the fashion editor and a sweetheart. She had incredible flair and selected terrific garments for every issue. Marjorie McMurtry, the publisher, was friendly and personable. The crafts editor, the copy editor, the AD, and the admin staff were all fun, even though we were too busy most of the time to socialize. Betsy was a thorn in everyone's side.

"Sit down", she ordered. I plunked myself into a chair. She threw her issue of Fashion Bazaar at me. "TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS!" she screamed. I froze. The shakes began. What the fuck did I do?

It's what I didn't do that was the problem. Remember the lovely cover? I forgot to put the directions into the magazine. Even though Gena and Betsy had checked the issue too, I was the whipping girl. "You're on 30 days probation," she roared. "Get out of here and get back to work. You'll have to deal with the readers when they call about this." I walked out of Betsy's office, sucking back the tears. I was past being ashamed. I was devastated.

Three weeks later, I resigned, heartbroken and traumatized. It was clear to me that I wasn't cut out for publishing. I wanted to hide forever. It was years before I could even talk about McCall's to anyone.

The next year, having been heavily involved in machine knitting since 1979, I began editing a machine knitting magazine called MacKnit, published by a couple in Englewood, NJ, the Cunibertis. They sold knitting machine books and the machines, so I was paid in books and equipment. Their art director, John White, had worked for Yankee magazine. He was a cool guy and I picked his brains, determined to understand the whole point size and leading deal. John taught me how to layout a magazine properly. Topeka! I got it!

The three years I worked at MacKnit, before it went under, I learned how to work with a photographer, how to style knitwear, how to edit and write patterns, and how to write articles. I was on my way.

After all of the chaos, I never really gave up on editing and writing. Somehow, some way, I found the inner strength to do what a friend said I was born to do. Edit and write. Thereafter, I created and edited a craft magazine, left the craft industry and got into mainstream publishing. Towards the end of my NYC publishing gig, I was a managing editor of Doll's Magazine, and a financial editor for Standard & Poor's. I looked back on the disaster of 1983 and still couldn't talk about it, even after all of my successes.

In 2000, I left the insane world of New York publishing so that I could spend more time with Jimmy and the kids. A good thing, too, since he died in 2002. The combination of my publishing experience and learning how to use a PC early on, in 1985, gave me the skills to become a tech writer.

I have that Fashion Bazaar disaster to thank. And now, I'm back writing knitting directions. The more things change, the more they stay rare and handy.

Doin' Wheelies

2010-04-06T20:05:00.000-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round.
I really love to watch them roll.
No longer riding on the merry-go-round.
I just had to let it go.

John Lennon

Well, I got it done, the migration. Too bad that Blogger wouldn't continue its FTP support and I really didn't want to mess around with a subdomain. For those non-techies, this means I took the easy way out, keeping everything intact. Of course, I was sweating the minutes as the migration happened. I know how easily migrations can get fucked up.

So, it's been a bit since I've done a blog post. Yeah, I'm busy knitting away.

Fiberality Designs
In an odd sort of way, I'm handling unemployment by designing. After years of working, I had to create a new job for myself, since I'm not getting much in the way of interviews. My first design, Twisty Road socks, has just been published on Patternfish.com. Many thanks to the Punk Princess for modeling the socks on her teeny footsies. (By the way, she's been accepted into the BFA program at Montclair State College in Montclair, NJ. I'm sooo proud of her--she inherited her gram's creative juices, although I can't draw well.)

Selling patterns is actually the least of my concerns. The important thing is continuing to focus on some kind of work. What's better than designing knitted shit? I have another pair of socks that will go up next week, plus a lace scarf that's in progress and almost done.

Writing patterns keeps me in tech writing mode.

Whirligig
Got back to spinning, my entertainment in the late evening, prior to bed.

This is some lovely cormo/kid mohair that I bought at Rhinebeck last year. Rather than spinning fine, I'm attempting to spin thicker. Got some drafting issues but it's smoothing out.

Da Mags
I have to say, VK's spring issue was excellent. This magazine has improved tremendously. Even Knitter's spring issue was decent, for a change. IK sucked. Big time. Bad photography, uninspiring designs done in dismal colors, nothing springy at all. This magazine has completely lost its appeal. Sadly, the new management got rid of older, experienced editors because apparently they wanted to hit the younger market. Big mistake.

I don't intend to submit anything to IK. Ever again. There are plenty of other places and ways to get my patterns out there.

Through a Glass Darkly
I've been pondering turning 60 in less than three weeks. Confronted with my own mortality, as it were. Shit, I don't feel like I'm going to be 60 and I don't think I look much older than 50, unless I'm totally delusional.

Rereading some of my blog posts to Jerry (remember the Purling Puppies brouhaha?), I realized that much of what I needled, the KnitList in particular, no longer has any influence. I believe the KListers have all moved to Ravelry, as I predicted. And that's fine. The KnitDweebs are contained and don't annoy the rest of us. I dunno if the KnitList even exists anymore. And don't care. Loopy still reads the KnitFlame list and tells me that it has a much larger KnitDweeb population than when it first started.

I don't think I've read any list in at least two years. Good riddance, sez I. Ravelry has been our salvation. I hadn't had the time to spend on it while working the past year but now, between that and FaceBook, I'm in the social networking loop. Oh yeah, and LinkedIn, too, although I find it fairly useless.

Your Thoughts
So, I redesigned the page. Whaddya think? Does it suck? I can manipulate the code to change the layout but I'm so done with IT shit. I have a feeling that I won't be going back to corporate America, which is the least rare and handy environment I know.

Later, skanks.

This blog has moved

2010-04-06T18:04:00.001-04:00

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Cheap is Good, Free is Better

2010-03-03T19:27:00.000-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.--Dorothy Parker

It's time for a Dot quote. She once reviewed a play by writing "If you don't knit, bring a good book."

She's the original Jersey Girl, sans big hair and painted claws.

FREE! Suckah!
So, here it is. My Yeti Socks, the plain vanilla worsted-weight pattern that I promised to make available to ya.

You can check out the pattern, the directions format, and if you want, give me your dollah-three-eighty thoughts. I'm always open to ideas.

Fucking Up

I do it frequently, at least with my knitting. My theory is, the more experienced a knitter you are, the more likely you are to make mistakes by being too poor to pay attention.

So I'm working on an Aran design, a rework of last year's, and lo! I screwed up while watching TV, talking to Jerry, petting the cat, and drinking the caffeine needed to jump-start my state of being.

Ever corrected a cable fuck-up without ripping out row after row? For those who haven't, here's how you do it.

First, you rip out the rows of the miserable fuck-up and put 'em on a double-pointed needle the same size as your main needles. Note all the connecting row threads.

Now I'm fixing the cable twist that I screwed up, using the two dps to reknit the eight stitches that comprise this motif. The one thing you have to watch is to use each ripped out row thread in its correct order. It's very easy to use the thread one row above the one you're correcting.

I've always caught my mistakes early on--I'd puke if it happened a few rows above the ribbing.

So I put this question out on FaceBook to my friends and now I'll pose it to you: Which would you prefer for an Aran sweater--one complete chart that includes all of the motifs and filler stitches or individual charts with directions that include the fillers. Or have the whole damned thing written out? If you look at the first picture, you'll see my chart above the knitting. I charted the whole front, with bold red lines demarcating each section, including fillers. I've found this to be very easy to follow. I printed it out on legal size, works for me.

Here's the almost completed front, still in progress. The yarn is Louet Gems Merino DK.

Haven't decided yet where the pattern for this sweater will go. I need to ask a certain designer friend of mine where she thinks I should submit it. And if it's worth submitting.

Deutschland, Deutschland, Uber Alles

Yeah, I'm of German descent. Dad was born in Hamburg and because his father was a non-practicing Jew married to my Oma, a Gentile, they beat feet out of Germany in 1938, to London, and then to New York City. I speak some German, nicht sehr gut aber ich bin noch am lernen.

So just for the hell of it, I did a little research on knitted German clothing and found trachtenhose, which are socks worn with traditional German costumes, both by men and women. When I was very small, I remember my grandparents giving me lederhosen and a beautiful loden cape that they brought back from a trip to der Vaterland.

The next design in my head is a pair of trachtenhose, which will contain traveling stitches found in German knitting plus embroidered flowers such as the ones found on German costumes--simple, bright, and pretty. Kristin Nicholas's embroidery on knitting has always interested me and it's a technique that would work beautifully on these socks, using crewel yarn.

This one will go to Patternfish.com, as will another sock design that I'm currently doing in Marks & Kattens' Fame Trend. And then, there's a toddler cardigan on the design board that resides in my head, plus a redo of the Jezebel lace socks. Shit, I've got more ideas than time. And no, I won't hire anyone else to knit for me at this point. I'm too fucking picky.

Da Mags

I gotta say, lately I'm liking Vogue tremendously. The quality of the designs has improved enormously. And of course, friend Carol has her first design published in the Spring issue! Yahoo! OK, I'm a bit biased. But still, Vogue is now well worth buying. But as Loopy said to me, do we really need 4-5 pages of how to do Kitchener in both VK and IK? Well...some do, I suppose. I've never had a problem grafting.

My new favorite is The Knitter. If you like Rowan magazines, buy this one--you can't beat designs by Martin Storey or Kaffe Fassett. I found it at Barnes & Noble. Not cheap but worth the money.

Out of Work, Out of Sight

Well, got the unemployment check last week. Feh. I keep getting contacted by these insane Indian recruiters, who permeate the IT employment market. Listen, if you don't leave an intelligible message on my cell phone, I ain't calling ya back because I can't fucking understand your phone number. Sheesh. And recruiters contact me for jobs for which I'm totally unqualified. If I wrote stuff for SAP users, that doesn't mean I'm an SAP developer. Read the fucking resume! OY.

So I'll be teaching some workshops at my beloved Stix-n-Stitches. That will help and I enjoy teaching, having been a software trainer. Working with knitters will be better, hopefully. At least the people who patronize S-n-S are rare and handy. I met this fabulous woman at the last Sit 'n' Knit I went to at the shop, Lucy. I almost fell off my chair when we talked about graduating from Montclair High School, and she told me she was in the class of '46. As she sat there knitting a complex pattern and looking no older than 65, maybe.

There's hope for this babe, then. Birthday's coming in seven weeks. Urp.

Noodling Wid Needles

2010-02-18T23:18:00.000-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.--Pablo Picasso

I don't see myself as an artist. However, I do see myself as childlike. I still love cartoons, still love "Alice in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass", rock 'n' roll, and doofy, whimsical anything. (Yes, I'm hot to see Tim Burton's version of "Alice" on March 5.)

I've been charting, knitting, fiddling with color and texture, and letting the childish shit that circulates in my bipolar brain go into my design notebook. I'm actually very orderly about taking notes and writing/editing directions as I go along. My experience as a tech writer and editor is enormously helpful when writing knitting directions.

Freebie for You Lovely Fools
I decided to test-drive one of my patterns by offering it for free here, by next week most likely. This is not an original design but plain vanilla heavy socks that I've made for family and friends using Jarbo Garn Raggi sock yarn.

I took advantage of our loathsome snow as a backdrop for the photo. I froze my ass off.

The pattern is sized for women and men. I may at some point do some kiddy sizing if the demand is there. In any case, you'll get something for nothing and get a look at Fiberality Design directions formatting. The reason I don't submit to magazines is this: I can add Designer Notes, do larger size charts, and add my sense of humor to an otherwise straitlaced pattern. Not to mention accuracy.

Stash Trash

Talk about being pissed off, though. In my stash, I had enough Jawoll to make the Nudge Nudge socks, the black and pink lace, which I've renamed Jezebel socks (yeah, I watched the movie last week and decided that Bette Davis would have worn the socks to the ball). I finished the prototype sock, wrote the directions, and then went to check the yardage online. SHIT. The shocking pink has been discontinued. FUCK.

So off I went to find some plain sock yarn. Guess what, kids. It's not easy to find. I finally went to KnitPicks and lo! They have plenty of colors, including shocking pink, in their Palette fingering weight yarn. The Stroll sock yarn didn't offer me enough selection, although I generally prefer a 70% wool/30% nylon blend for socks. Fuck it. I may submit these to the KnitPicks Independent Designer Partnership Program, although I'm more inclined to submit it to Patternfish.com. Here's a not-so-wonderful picture of the unblocked sock.

Obviously, the photo for the published pattern will be much clearer and will be modeled. It's rather hard to see the diagonal lace pattern and the lace cuff doesn't show too well. Here's a lousy closeup.

It's sitting on its blocking bowl. Anyhoo, once I redo the design, you'll see better pictures.

Blogger Sucks

Well, they sent me an e-mail last week, informing me that they will no longer support FTP bloggers. What this means, to the uninformed, is that the 5% of us who use Blogger to publish to our own domain will have to migrate all our files over to Blogger. No more www.knittingcurmudgeon.com by March 26th. So I'm waiting for them to send me migration directions.

In some respects, working directly on Blogger will make it easier for me. I won't need to do as much coding, I'll be able to use widgets, and I suppose there are more features available. I'll keep you posted. If nothing else, knittingcurmudgeon.com will have a redirection page for a long time.

New (and Old) Books Be Bountiful

I increased my library again by buying Selbuvotter, Biography of a Knitting Tradition, by Terri Shea.

An unbelievable book! Not only is it extremely well written and interesting but the traditional designs are striking and challenging. Plus, Terri self-published this book and did a damned fine job, too. This is the kind of book that's worth adding to your library if you are a serious knitter. If you're not, there are plenty of dopey books out there. This is quality.

Besides the republication of She-Whose-Name-Cannot-Be-Mentioned's Book of Fair Isle Knitting, another must-have if you are into colorwork, I was so please to see Susanna Lewis's Knitting Lace republished too.

This is the original cover, as opposed to Book of Fair Isle Knitting, which has a new cover.

Back in the 80s, I worked with Susanna when I was the knitting editor of MacKnit, a glossy, over-the-top mag for machine knitters. Susanna was then working on the book, which is based on a Victorian lace sampler owned by the Brooklyn Museum. Susanna was and is an amazing technician, although she has been involved with Sasha dolls for a number of years, selling them and knitting for them, and no longer designs for knitting magazines. This is the only book she ever wrote about handknitting, but her handknitting designs were published early on in Knitter's.

Susanna and I did a machine knitting workshop together back in 1985, and she stayed with me for several days. She's a wonderful person, has a decent sense of humor, and inspired me to further my knitting education, although I no longer machine knit. I'm rather sorry we lost touch--I spoke to her about four years ago and she had moved from Brooklyn to a town in upstate New York, not terribly far up but in the country. I've been so fortunate to have met so many great knitting people. My greatest regret is not having met EZ or Meg. In any case, add this one to your library too.

Maybe I'll make a point of calling her. I'd love to see her again.

Back on Ravelry

Now that I'm unemployed, I've had the time to revisit Ravelry. Working means sacrificing certain activities, and that was one of them. I had not visited the site since August 2008 and it's so improved. It will be good to check out the groups to which I belong and be able to connect with readers who are on my friend list. So glad that some of you have connected with me on FaceBook too.

Did You Know?

The German word for cellphone is Handy. Is that rare or what? Ich habe mein Handy immer dabei.

Hope I Die Before I Get Old

2010-02-01T19:02:00.001-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity--Tom Stoppard

I'm starting my countdown to 60. Less than three months to go. Gack. Well, that's the age I'll be according to my birth certificate. Given that my mammy is going to be 87 in August and still knits lace, I have no reason to angst about it.

Teaching the Old Bitch New Tricks

For a long time, I felt that using the Magic Loop technique to replace my dps was a waste of time. I tried it a couple of years ago and hated it.

Now, designing a pair of socks that I've named Naughty Nudge Nudge, I found that the lace pattern I'm using for the body is a royal pain in the ass if done on dps. It's a 6-stitch repeat but decreases land on the needle junctions on the instep. Shifting stitches from one needle to another sucks. Feh. I ended up putting it on the instep only. That made me quite unhappy.

So I decided to give ML another try. And still hated it. However, the two circs technique was something I could live with. I tried it out on a pair of plain vanilla socks. The two socks are shown below--I was too lazy to go downstairs and get my Canon, so bite me. I used my cellphone camera.

Needless to say, I'm ripping out NNN and starting over.

My point--Never say "never" when it comes to shit. I'm not ditching dps but using the two circs will allow me to use my lace pattern throughout the sock, rather than simply on the instep. I actually like this method.

Sillybus

I'm working up some workshops for Sheila at Stix-n-Stitches. Finishing, Lace 101, Knitting Clinic, Spindling for Beginners, to start. Sheila figures she'll open the shop on Sundays so I can teach. I love this place. It's more than just a local yarn shop. Sheila, Patty, Monica, and the other women who work there are my kind of wimmens. I've been loitering there every Saturday afternoon. Does the soul good. I enjoy helping the beginners--despite what you may think, I love novice knitters. They're like blank pages open to ideas.

Obligatory Knitting Shit

Other than the NNN socks, I've started recharting Jerry's sweater and blocked out the Crayon Madness set. Haven't gotten to spinning yet this week. However, I did buy some lovely Harrisville Shetland for an upcoming lace shawl. Yes, a bit heavier than usual but honestly, I wear my heavier shawls more often than my laceweights.

I don't see submitting anything to the mainstream magazines. For one, I don't want an editor dictating what yarn and colors I use. And second, I would rather sell my patterns online. If an editor would let me do what I do, then I might rethink it.

Knitting News

I was thrilled to see that Schoolhouse Press is publishing Ron Schweitzer's patterns. For those of you who are not familiar with Ron's wonderful Fair Isle designs, take a look at his Flowers of Life. I've never made one of his designs but they are all truly lovely.

Eight Years and Counting

Yesterday was the 8th anniversary of Jimmy's death. I don't generally dwell on it but I don't forget it, either. It was arguably the worst day of my life but there has been much joy since then. It also means that this blog is approaching its 8th anniversary. Jeez. Back then, there were very few knitting blogs. When I started, there were maybe 100 of them, some of which are long gone.

I wonder how much longer blogs will exist. With the birth of FaceBook, Ravelry, and other social networks, blogs may become obsolete. I know I update my FB status every day, pretty much. I doubt that blogs will go away entirely but instant gratification is truly the bane of our time. To some degree, I enjoy the immediacy. And to another degree, I recall the time before faxes when you had to wait for what you wanted or needed. The instant gratification syndrome has infected our world. As my former boss Pat Conway always said, "If you want it in the worst way, that's probably how you'll get it."

A rare but handy philosophy, indeed.

P.S. Haloscan, the service I have used for comments, is going out of business. They've cut a deal with a service called Echo so I've transferred over to Echo. A few people have told me that they've had problems loading my page recently--the page loads but then aborts. If you've had that problem, drop me a line so I can figure out how many readers have been affected. Danke.

Redundancy Rules!

2010-01-27T14:14:00.007-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Unemployment is capitalism's way of getting you to plant a garden. --Orson Scott Card

That's right, gang. I'm out of work. Well, out of a job but certainly never out of work.

Fiberality Designs
This is now my reality. Fiberality. I've been developing several designs over the past few months, figuring that I would design, write, and teach once I retired in a few years. Given the current economy, that may have come to fulmination.

My contract was not renewed. Ask me if I give a shit. Honestly, I wasn't terribly happy with the job--the people there weren't any I ever cared to bother with, other than very casually. Plus, the company never took full advantage of my skills, training and graphic design. Frankly, corporate America is what it is. A cesspool, mostly. Filled with gawd-awful jargon and poor English, combined with severely inflated egos.

Check this out.
This is a nifty ribbed slip-stitch pattern in Classic Elite Moorland that I've used in Jeremiah's Scarf and Hat set. And then there's Crayon Madness, a lace scarf and mitts set made from Mini Mochi. Today's design is Naughty Nudge Nudge socks, black ruffle and shocking pink lace. Next will be a reworking of Jerry's Aran sweater design, done in Louet Gems Merino. More to come. My brain is cooking.

I'm enjoying the directions writing too. Far more satisfying technical writing than what I had been doing. These won't be your mother's boring directions, I promise. I plan to publish my stuff on Patternfish, as well as selling it on my Fiberality web site, which I'm in the process of developing.

If you're not familiar with Patternfish, go have a look-see. It's an excellent place. More than 4,000 patterns, so you're bound to find something. And designers you know and love, like Veronique Avery, Beth Brown-Reinsel, my pals Kristin Nicholas and Carol Sulcoski, Candace Eisner Strick, and lots more. The search engine is outstanding.

Stix Sessions
Will be teaching at friend Sheila's yarn shop, Stix-n-Stitches. A finishing class, a knitting clinic, a beginner spindling class, to start. I'd love to teach some kids, too. When I was in the shop this past Saturday, I met two young girls, sisters, around 8 and 11, who attend a Waldorf school. The 8-year-old was walking and knitting away on her scarf. Amazing kid. She was zipping right through the garter stitch, using some pretty hand-dyed worsted weight. Her sister knits socks. Whoa.

Obligatory Knitting Shit
Well, I've sort of organized my workroom now that I'm completely out of PA, thank God. Just putting away 200+ knitting, spinning, and weaving books was a gigunda pain in the ass. I need to update LibraryThing because I have added considerably to the list.

Nice to see that She-Whose-Name-Cannot-Be-Spoken's Fair Isle book has been reprinted. Along with Sweaters from Camp and Ann Feitelson's The Art of Fair Isle Knitting, it's a must-have if you're interested in doing this.

It's sad that we'll never see the other books reprinted. My favorite, Stillwater, goes for $128 on eBay, Pacific Coast Highway for $199. In the Hebrides goes for $199 too.

Anyway, enough said. Time to get back to work. The most rare and handy thing I've ever found to do. And Happy New Year, by the way. I'll be posting a lot more, looks like.

Ring Out the Old Shit, Bring in More New Shit

2009-12-31T18:58:00.002-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
New Year's Day - Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. -- Mark Twain

The old boy had it right, as he usually did. Fuck resolutions. However, having some general goals isn't a bad thing. Focus, people. If you do, you don't need to waste your time on resolutions.

KnitterGuy and the KC Eat Pancakes and Talk Fiber
Well, I missed seeing Kristin--she had to leave to go back to MA and my back was fucked up for the first two days of this week. We'll play catch-up the next time she's down to see her mom in Dover. But I did see my dear Ted, who was staying at friend Jack's in Nutley. (For those of you who know nothing of Jersey, Nutley is the birthplace of Annie Oakley and hometown of Martha Stewart, who started life in Jersey City, something I'm sure she'd rather forget.)

So on this snowy morning, I skipped and skidded the four miles up to Jack's, grabbed Ted, and off we went to IHOP for pancakes and a happy reunion. Ted is one of my all-time favorite friends. We made up for time missed at Rhinebeck this morning. And lookee at what he gave me for Christmas!
It's 80% mohair, 20% wool laceweight. Ted knows me all too well. I was delighted! And I gave him a copy of IK's Accessory issue, one that's hard for him to get in Canada. After the food, we took a short 10-minute drive to my hometown, Montclair. For those of you who have no clue as to where in the world New Jersey is, see map below for reference.

Yes, Google is your friend. The "A" marks where I live--for some reason, Montclair didn't show up on this view but it's slightly west of Nutley.

Anyway, we took a trip to my favorite yarn shop, Stix 'n' Stitches. If you live in NJ or visit, this is a must-see shop. Sheila, the owner, is a woman after my own heart. Knows her shit but no bullshit.

A good last day of 2009.

What I Like
OK, Duffy, here you are. Heh. I did promise to note what I found to be useful, what I think is the best of WTF, some new things, some old. Of course, as with all the other crap you read here, the opinion is mine alone. Ain't it always?

Best New Spinning Books: Bumper crop this year! First, there's Abby Franquemont's outstanding Respect the Spindle. Along with Priscilla Gibson-Roberts's Spinning in the Old Way, you can teach yourself how to spindle without much ado.

And then there's Spin Control: Techniques for Spinning the Yarns You Want by Amy King. If you are confused about the difference between a draft and a draw, you need this book. I use a short draw, primarily because I prefer knitting with worsted as opposed to woolen yarn but if I want to teach myself to spin using a long draw, this is the book that will help me achieve that goal. Novice spinners should invest in this book, absolutely. I wish I had had it when I first taught myself to spin. Lots of heartbreak and cursing would have been avoided.

Best New Knitting Books: Honestly, I wish there were more to rave about. Perhaps I'm jaded. And God knows the market is awash with a lot of garbage. I did like French Girl Knits by Kristeen Griffin-Grimes, Color by Kristin (yeah, I'm a bit biased but I calls 'em like I sees 'em and this is a damned fine book), and Personal Footprints for Insouciant Knitters by Cat Bordhi (if nothing else, ya gotta love the use of "insouciant").

Books that I want to check out include Crazy Lace by Myra Wood. And Selbuvotter: Biography of a Knitting Tradition by Terri Shea. I would love to see a Lucy Neatby book. Come on, Lucy. Give it up.

Best New Yarn: I have to say, it was Mini Mochi by Crystal Palace for me. I used this for my book and other than its soft twist, I liked it very much. Fun for little doopy things like socks 'n' scarves.

Best Knitting Tool Buy: No question, it's KnitPicks' brass markers, 100 for $1.99. I bought a bag of these and they will fit needles up to #10s. I've found that markers with dingleberries hanging off of them tend to get caught in my work, as much as I love millefiori glass markers.

Best New Spinning Wheel: The Schacht Ladybug, hands down. I had the pleasure of spinning on it when it came out and I'm still jonesin' for one.

Best Spindle
This is a tough one. It's a toss-up between the Starlite Comet, made by Tracy Eichheim, and the Golding RingSpindles. I own both and each spins sublimely. If you can't afford a Golding, get in touch with Tracy. His are reasonably priced and superlatively balanced.

Best Knitting Magazine: Rowan. With runner-up, The Knitter Magazine from the UK. Frankly, the American magazines just don't measure up. I saw the Winter VK today and wanted to retch. Awful.

Best Fiberart Magazine: Spin-Off, HandWoven, and PieceWork--all three are unique and special. Sadly, I can't add IK to any list. Interweave, please take note that this magazine is a mess. However, the aforementioned magazines are beautifully written, photographed, and damned user friendly.

So that about does it. Whether you agree with me or not, I'm glad that you take the time to read. The year that starts tomorrow, 2010, will mark my 8th year of blogging. I'll be writing more this year, I promise.

Happy New Year, tontant weaders. YOU are rare and handy, and I treasure each one of you. OK, enough of the sop. Get the fuck to work on your New Year's project! NOW!

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out!

2009-12-25T00:32:00.002-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. --Kin Hubbard

I should be finishing the last 10 rows of a cashmere scarf for daughter Jenn, the replacement for the felted disaster. But no, I'm doing this, with Santa Jerry already tucked in bed.

Just wanted to wish all of my readers a most Merry Christmas. No, I'm never politically correct. If you don't celebrate Christmas, have a swell Friday. Any way you look at it, it's a day off, no?

I'm an unrepentant Christmas celebrant, although my religious beliefs veer more to those of a Wiccan or Buddhist. However, I use this time of year to remember those loved ones who are with me in spirit only.

My dear Tante Helga died the day after Christmas in 1995, after having been hit by a cab in New York City ten days earlier. Jimmy's birthday was Christmas Day. My four grandparents, long gone but never forgotten, made Christmas a magical time. My German father, who died very young, at age 43, established the wonderful holiday traditions that I follow to this day. Yes, the memories are certainly tinged with sadness but with happiness too.

My joy this year is that my mother is coming along, despite a harrowing autumn. She never loses her sense of humor, no matter what. Tomorrow, she and I will sit and knit, with our children and grandchildren with us, opening presents, laughing, eating way too much, and being together.

May you all have a rare and handy holiday. And thanks for reading my nonsense for all these years. Next week, I'll be spending time with Ted Myatt and Kristin Nicholas, two good friends. Can't ask for much more. (Well, I could and I do, but WTF.) Love you all!

2009-12-15T20:37:00.000-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities.—Oscar Wilde

‘Tis the season for piles of unnecessary shit, is it not?

Every year, I buy myself something that no one else will—often, it's yarn, a knitting book, a bathrobe, crap like that.

This year, I have reached for the stars and achieved the pinnacle of un-necessity. I bought a Kindle, something that is somewhat against my Luddite grain. You see, I love the feel of a paper book in my hand. Howsome ever, having moved ± 15 boxes of books, I can at least download those books that are tossaways. I doubt I will buy knitting/spinning/weaving books for the Kindle, although there are some available.

I’m glad I waited, since v2 of the Kindle is apparently much improved. As a geek, I know never to buy the first version of anything. That maxim of course applies to all things Microsoft but also to Apple and other companies. Give all new things tech at least 3-6 months before you buy, so that bug fixes are complete. Remember the dopes who stood in line for the first iPhone, paid a premium, only to have Apple drop the price? And then whined about it?

Jerry just called to tell me the Kindle arrived. Hot damn. A new toy.

KC’s 2009 Top 10 List of Unnecessary Knitting Shit

Yes, Virginia, there’s a lot of redundant knitting stuff and techniques floating around the Knit-o-sphere. Here’s what I find to be passé, stoopid, or just plain annoying.

Knitter’s—for reasons that I’ve expounded upon for quite a few years. I’m awaiting its demise but as Mark Twain once said, “The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.” Yea, it lingereth.
Light-up knitting needles and crochet hooks—if you’re knitting at the movies, you’re a certified moron and need to get a life. Worse is knitting while driving. I've heard some do that. Have a few drinks and pick up yer needles. Don't forget to send a text message.
Reversible cabling—this is getting to be the Tiny Diva’s one-trick pony. Enough already.
How to Knit directions in every fucking book. For the love of God, let’s leave this out of intermediate/advanced books.
Another book on knitting socks with two circs. The best was the original by Cat Bordhi.
Knitting / spinning jewelry. If Jerry ever buys me little knitting needle earrings, he’s history.
Sheep motifs everywhere, no doubt also on underwear. Who needs a tape measure in sheep’s clothing? Not me. And the use of “ewe” as “you.” NOT CUTE.
Rick Mondragon, aka DragonBoy. NOT CUTE either.
Stitch ‘n’ Bitch—it’s so over. Find another term for your knitting group. Like “knitting group.”
Knitting “celebrities” need to puncture their egos with a handy knitting needle and remember what they don’t know. A true knitting educator knows what she or he don’t know. Let’s not forget that knitting is making shit with some string and two sharpened sticks and has a small niche in the big world.

In my next post, I’ll give you my thoughts and recommendations on some of the best knitting stuff. After all, there are some nifty things out there that will help you with your work.

Move Your Groove Thang

I’ve about had it with moving. Five times in eight years is more than I can bear to think about. I’m tired. However, at least I’m closer to Mammy and the rest of the family. By the way, Ma just had her last radiation treatment and the news is…the lymphoma is gone! Of course, she’s had a hell of a week—a fire in her apartment building, which fortunately didn’t affect her other than sending her off to the library across the street for hours. And a cataract lens that became dislodged.

Otherwise, she’s doing well. And I’m busy getting my new fiber room pulled together, as well as working with Jerry to turn the bachelor’s house into a comfortable home for both of us.

Sick of Sox and Knitting Fuck-Ups

After five pairs of the Raggi socks, I’m done with sock making for the time being.

Now, tell me—how humbled have you been when your knitting goes bad? No matter how good you think you are, I’m sure you’ve made major screw-ups that you don’t want to tell your knitting crew.

I’m shameless. I make mistakes in every project, other than socks, that I work on. Yes, I fix them. No, I wasn’t paying attention. I’m too poor to pay attention. I have always believed that novice knitters are far more careful than those of us who pretend to be “master knitters.”

I don’t mind flagellating myself in public at all. Primarily because I don’t give a shit about my public “persona.” So here’s a big-time mess that almost brought me to tears of madness. The cashmere lace scarf Christmas present that I made for daughter Jenn somehow ended up in the washer and dryer. I had the scarf hanging over the back of my rocker and put a sweat jacket over it.

Felted on the right, fresh start on the right. Get the picture? Yeah, picked up the jacket, tossed it into the laundry bag, and didn’t notice the scarf. Talk about an idiotic fuck-up.

Actually, to justify my total stupidity, I rather like the way it came out. The felting isn’t so, so bad. However, I bought some more cashmere laceweight (Jojoland, nice for the price) and started another for Jenn. I’ll get it done by Christmas. And then it’s back to book projects.

Harrison, Kearny, Nutley, North Arlington, Bloomfield, Montclair, North Caldwell--Sopranoland

I have almost two weeks off, starting with Christmas Eve, and besides seeing Ted da Knitterguy when he comes to NJ (he’s staying with friend Jack, who lives in Nutley, a hop, skip, and jump from me), I’ll be knitting, writing, spinning, and warping my Mighty Wolf. And snuggling with my honey too.

So, it’s a shortish post today. Work is slow right now and layoffs are coming. We found about this news this morning, where it was the lead story in the Pocono Record. Nobody at the company said anything.

I’ve still got a few things to get out of the apartment but this coming Saturday is it. I’m glad to be out of the Poconos and E’burg. Great for a visit, piss poor for living. Bank robbery down the street, having to call the cops on a guy sitting in my garage one night drinking beer, and someone hit by a speeding car in front of my apartment is incentive enough. Not at all rare and handy.

Jerry always called my place the “Deliverance” apartment. It was. Now I’m back in Jersey, around the corner from Pizzaland. If you’re a fan of the Sopranos, you’ll know.

“You woke up this morning, Got yourself a gun, Mama always said you’d be The Chosen One.”

Yeah, with a “blue moon in your eye.” I always thought the lyrics were “with a boom-boom in your eye.” I like my line better. I feel safer back home in the Garden State. Which it is, more than non-natives know.

As requested, here's my favorite picture of Jeremiah.

Next Post: A special Christmas edition. No, not a Happy Holidays version. I hate that term. I calls 'em like I sees 'em. But Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish friends.

The Turkey Mantra: Bite Me, Eat Me.

2009-11-29T10:22:00.005-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.—Calvin Trillin

Not to denigrate my mother’s cooking skills but my brother and I often played games with “Leftovers Delight”, a gruesome dish that my mother created using leftover mystery meat, canned LeSeur peas, and canned potatoes. The gravy was a watery mishmash of bouillon and whatever juice the meat retained after a day’s refrigeration.

I remember Rich and I flinging peas at each other. Assassination via overcooked vegetables.

Aren’t you glad I wrote the above after the holiday? Jerry and I went to Scrappy’s for a fabulous dinner and then to his sister Pat’s for dessert, entertainment provided by his wonderful nieces Michelle aka Sheldon and Kelly. Michelle and I share the same birthday. She's studying at the Berkeley School of Music in Boston. The Sisty Uglers went their own ways, with Corinne, Liz, and Mike to his parents in Williamsburg, VA., and Jenn, Ian, and Norm staying home and cooking their own bird. Ma and Brüder Richard we at Scrappy’s too. Mammy’s doing quite well., although a bit washed out from her cancer treatments.

BookWoim
I’m spending this holiday weekend moving crap from PA to NJ, shoving in some knitting time, and getting the draft book outline pulled together. I found a reputable literary agent, one who will also serve well for non-knitting writing. Once I’ve finished “Knitting in Public”, I will move on to other writing. There’s only so far you can take writing about knitting, in my opinion. I’d rather reach a larger audience at some point. It would make for a good retirement job.

I’ve been toying about publishing a chapter here, to get feedback and hopefully constructive criticism. Authors should never evaluate their work. Depending upon how it goes with the book proposal submittal, I may do this.

Loopy’s Socks
One of my shove-it-down-my-throat projects is making these socks for Jerry’s nieces. I can complete one sock in about 6 hours or so. The glory of working with heavier yarn. These make terrific boot socks and I’ve been doing the sizing, so I expect to have a freebie pattern uploaded very soon for your knitting entertainment. The sizes will include children’s as well as women’s and men’s. Plain vanilla, nothing to them. So hardly a "design." One of the things I have in my head is to use the Raggi self-patterning for a hat design. I saw one done at Stix ‘n’ Stitches when I was there recently and have my own ideas for a funky but chic hat.

Where I’m going to find the fucking time to do all this shit is beyond me. I manage to shove 10 pounds of shit into a 5-pound bag quite well but there are days when I’d like to lie in the bathtub and read for an hour, thinking about nothing. Oh yeah, I forgot. I've done some spindling too, when I get bored knitting these socks.

I bought this Corriedale at the Garden State Sheep & Wool show, from a local producer. It spins like buttah. Of course, my wonderful Golding spindle helps a lot. This is one of my Russian hand-painted spindles.

More on Da Mags
Interesting discussion in the comments for the last post. I truly don’t have a problem with magazines recycling old material as long as it’s clear that there’s nothing new in the issue, which IK did in their editor's note. For one thing, the designers get a small fee for reprint if they sold their designs as First North American Serial Rights or First Rights. If they sold all rights, the magazine owns their design. The other advantage to these recycled issues is that many people like to have popular patterns gathered into one issue, particularly if they didn’t buy the original issue or book where the design appeared.

On the other hand, new is always the best, although in IK’s case, I would say that they may be better off recycling old stuff.

Step mentioned the Brit magazine The Knitter, which I had bought and forgot to mention. As close as I’ve been able to tell, it’s been around for more than a year. The magazine features top designers like Martin Storey, Louisa Harding, Erica Knight. I bought mine at Barnes & Noble, if I recall correctly.

Fiberality
That’s the word I use for my world. I don’t live in reality, I live in fiberality. Despite the hectic work schedule, I’ve managed to get some spinning done. One of the projects I set forth for myself was to spin a heavier single. It may seem to novice spinners that spinning thin is difficult. It’s not. What’s difficult is to be able to flip between thin and thick. Brain retraining is required. Or perhaps brain regression.

I’ve always followed Mabel Ross’s advice: Measure and count. This is key. The rotation of the wheel matched with the draft makes for consistent spinning. So when spinning thicker, I had to readjust my rotation count and align it with drafting more fibers into the twist. It took me several minutes but here’s the result.

Here's some laceweight silk I've been spinning, the Chasing Rainbows I bought at Rhinebeck.

I am now confident that I can spin whatever I want. I spin what I like to knit, as a rule. But with weaving as another option, I’d like to spin some heavier, more interesting weft yarns.

I’m hoping to talk Sheila into moving towards selling spinning fibers and spindles in her shop. I’ve offered to teach a beginner’s class to get her going. Haven’t taught in a while but I do love to teach. Even working as a software trainer was fun. I make sure I leave ‘em laughin’. And knowing WTF they’re doing.

So, mes petite choux (that’s French for “my little cabbages”), time to get back to Jerry, who’s watching TV. Five days off, albeit moving crap most of the time. And then this coming Friday, Jerry’s having same-day surgery on his shoulder. Old war injury, so to speak. Well, actually an old touch football injury. So I will be playing Nancy Nurse. Now I ask you, is that not the most rare and handy role I could possibly play? Or perhaps it will be more like Nurse Ratchet.

She's back...mostly.

2009-11-21T07:31:00.006-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

As I get older, I just prefer to knit—Tracey Ullman

Right, Tracey. A true celebrity knitter…maybe. Somehow, I think she really can knit well. (Certainly Goldie Hawn is an experienced knitter. The rest—who gives a fuck.)

Except as I get older, it seems as if I keep adding other crap to my repertoire. Besides spinning and weaving, I can embroider and quilt. And sew, if I ever get my Bernina back from daughter Jenn, who designs her own medieval costumes for her SCA (Society for Creative Anachronisms) events.

There’s not enough fucking time. Literally.

I’m finally back up and running, as long as I'm in NJ. I'll be moved in by the 30th. Until then, I won't be uploading any pictures. It’s been tough to function without internet at home. At work, they have it so locked down, as they should, that the best I can do is write a blog entry and save it until I can get it up on Blogger. Those of you familiar with WebSense, which allows network administrators to control where and what you can see on the web, know that blogs, social networks, and of course, nasty pictures, are banned. So I’ve relied on my BlackBerry to read e-mail and do FaceBook. Feh.

Mammy Update

She’s doing very well. Off to get her lymphoma zapped and her prognosis is excellent—she’s feeling quite chipper. Let’s put it this way, she’s busy knitting. told her that my readers sent her get well wishes. She doesn’t quite get what I do, either here or at work, but she did appreciate your kind thoughts.

Rhinebeck Feh

I have to say, I was not exceptionally thrilled about Rhinebeck this year. I barely saw anyone, other than Mel and David at their booth, Joe for a split second, Lorraine for a little while longer, Sean for another split second, Ted, Carol, Laura, and a few other guys from Easton Mountain whose names I’ve sadly forgotten.

Who I missed seeing:

My dearest Lee Ann Balazuc, who couldn’t make it again this year. Dude, if you don’t fucking show up next year, I swear I’ll drive up and kidnap you, Spiff, and Twinkle.
Veronik Avery, with whom I always enjoy chatting. Carol did give me some wonderful samples of her new St. Denis yarn. But still…I wish I’d seen her.
Mindy Soucek—I really, really felt bad that we didn’t run into each other. Mindy is very special to me.
Fredda Peritz—missed you, woman!
Lars Raines—I know, it’s tough for him with his insane schedule.
BJ Restropo—Beej, where WERE you???
Cheryl Anderson, who I wanted to meet very much.

Oh well. I did have Jerry with me but I told him that next year he stays home. Let’s face it, when you drag your significant other to these yarn/fiber extravaganzas, it’s a drag on you and on your love. Better he should stay home and watch some movies. I took Jimmy to Stitches once, years ago, and swore I would never take him again. You’d think I would have learned? Nope. So next year, I’ll do my one-day run on my own.

What I bought:

I was on the lookout for fiber other than merino, which seemed to be the overwhelming choice at MD S&W. I was rewarded at Rhinebeck, buying some various fibers. Silk, of course. I can’t resist Chasing Rainbows. Skanska had no cormo, sadly. But I did find some nifty dyed targee at Carolina Homespun, along with a little bit of pygora to sample. And then, there were the bags of mohair/merino.

My bad. I bought two more Golding spindles. I love the ones I already have and have been spinning this nice Corriedale on my little Golding spindle. The Russian hand-painted inset spindles are my favorites—I’m starting to collect them. Look at it this way—these days, I’m making plenty of bucks and I can afford to buy them. Besides all the “I’m going to be 60 and I’d better smell the roses” nonsense, having a lovely spindle in my hands makes me spin more.

So much for Rhinebeck this year. I will not go to MD again.

Joy of Sox

That’s actually a title I may use if I ever do a sock book. God knows people suck up sock books like shop vacs.

Generally, I take time in October to replenish the sock drawer. Two lightweight pair for me, two Raggi pairs, one for Jerry and one for me.

I enjoy designing socks but when it comes to making my own, I could care less about patterning. I use the same plain vanilla 60-stitch pattern with self-patterning yarn that I’ve worked for the past 15 years. It fits. I wear them with my Mary Janes to work. I don’t need anything else.

As far as the Raggi socks go, I call them the “Loopy” socks because Loop turned me on to Raggi. She has made her husband Jerry socks from Raggi for a long time. Again, these are plain vanilla. I made my Jerry a pair last winter and he loved them so much, I’m at it again.

I may size the Raggi socks and then put the pattern up here as a freebie.

Da Mags

I’m sorry to say that IK is a mess. Vague seems to be getting back on track, thank God. But IK is foundering. It was bad enough watching Knitter’s go down the crapper but now, IK is racing down the poop chute. Reviewing the fall issue, it struck me that the designs’ colors were drab. No matter how well designed the garments may have been, the issue as a whole was downright grim.

WTF are they thinking? I realize that it’s been quite some time since I did a magazine but there are some design concepts that don’t change.

Concept #1: Don’t fuck up the page layout by cluttering it with little photos that cause “eye confusion.”

Concept #2: Work with a photographer who understands the vagaries of shooting knitted garments and is willing to teach you how to style. IK’s photos are often badly lit, frequently staged in an uninteresting location, and most of the models lack character. I rather miss the red-haired IK model of the past. One of the best photographers I ever had the honor to work with was Ian O’Leary, who did the photography for Sasha Kagan’s first few books. Ian taught me how to style sweaters, how to capture the design’s personality, and how to choose and work with live models.

Concept #3: Make sure that the editorial pages stand out and don’t look like advertisements. Otherwise, you’ll have confused readers.

I have found a good magazine, new to me, and one that I think is a serious threat to IK—Creative Knitting. It reminds me very much of the old IK, with directions on the left-hand page, photo on the right. No little bits and pieces scattered across the spread. The issue I picked up had some very nice designs. Check this one out. I have a feeling that it’s an up-and-comer.

My other favorite magazine is online—Twist Collective, by Kate Gilbert and her crew. This is undoubtedly the classiest netzine I’ve read in a long time. Yes, I know. Knitty and Knitter’s Review are beloved. Honestly, I find them less interesting than TC.

All that said, the IK Accessories special issue is arguably the best publication they've done in a long time. Well worth the fifteen bucks.

Spin-Off, Handwoven, and PieceWork continue to be exemplary magazines.

Other Obligatory Knitting Shit

I’ve been pretty busy, in the little spare time that I have. Besides the pile of socks, I've finished several designs for the book, spun a fair amount, and written another book chapter. I think I've scared the shit out of Jerry with the boxes of yarn that I've packed up, not to mention my library. I'll have pictures next week of some works-in-progress but until then, you'll have to make do with plain ole flat text.

Once I've moved in with Jer, I'll have my own room for a little studio. After two years, I'll be able to open up the big loom. Somehow, I'll pack in some weaving time. Time management--rare and more than handy.

By the way, if you really want to know what the fuck I'm doing, you can friend me on FaceBook if you let me know that you read the blog. I will most likely set up a separate page for my design work in the next few weeks. I don't bother with Twitter these days.

Yikes! No Internet

2009-11-08T14:43:00.003-05:00

Yes, it's true. I'm in the process of moving back to NJ and in with my love Jerry. So the internet is gone until I get my ass situated in a couple of weeks. Daughter Jenn has been kind enough to let me use her connection while I'm visiting.

Lots going on. Book is well on its way, I've done a huge amount of spinning, knitted four pairs of socks, and finished another design. Plus work has been busy. My days are chock full. Of nuts, sometimes.

I promise, as soon as I get my internet back, I'll be posting a lot. God, I miss blogging. Btw, Mom is doing superly. Heh. She's going for treatment but the doctors expect her to recover fully. Listen, she's back to knitting and rooting for the Yankees. Can't ask for more.

Talk to you all soon!

Mar

A Quickie

2009-10-07T13:28:00.002-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times--Charles Dickens

There's trouble in Mar-town these days. I have not been well, and now Mammy has been hospitalized, most likely with a flare-up of diverticulitis. She's been bleeding internally, there's apparently some kidney issues, and as of today, she's going through testing.

Those of you who are longtime readers know what a wonderful mom she is. My first knitting teacher and my best knitting buddy. The fact that she hasn't been strong enough to knit this past week is very telling. Yes, I know. She's 86. And I'm almost 60. But when push comes to shove, as it often has in my life, my mother has been my greatest support and cheerleader.

Ellie's a tough bird. We Krauts don't take shit lying down. So I'm hopeful that she'll beat this one. After all, she has to finish that damned jacket she's been knitting, the yarn a birthday present from me. And besides, she has a half dozen projects planned out for winter.

I'll post again as soon as this crisis is over. I've been working hard on the book, hard at work, and even getting some spinning done. I will absolutely be at Rhinebeck the whole weekend, along with Jerry, who wants to see the sheep-to-shawl competition. How rare and handy is that man? Very. Talk to you all soon. XXOO, Mar

Kill the Lemmings

2009-09-06T11:17:00.008-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?—James Thurber

I gotta laugh when I hear the word “edgy” used to describe a knitting design.

Another term that I can do without is “cutting edge.” It’s all the “edge” crap that I find irritating, I guess. Edge = sharp?

Knitting is what it is. People who use the word "hip" in conjunction with knitting are quite self-deluded. And when it’s “edgy,” generally the design is something even the Punk Princess wouldn’t wear.

Just make a fucking garment as opposed to a clown suit. But wait—has someone knitted a clown suit? No doubt. I imagine it can be found on Ravelry, the new KnitDweeb heaven. Yeah, yeah, I know. There are worthwhile groups there.

But I haven’t bothered signing onto Ravelry in more than a year. FaceBook keeps me connected with family and friends. I don't need another social network. I'm even considering dumping Twitter. I don't have the time to do all these things. Better to knit and write than to spend hours online. In fact, I'm doing less on FaceBook lately, other than playing Bejeweled Blitz.

[Note to self: I could knit a Bozo nose. Perhaps I shall do, and wear it to Rhinebeck.]

Crayon Madness
I’m having a love-hate relationship with Crystal Palace’s Mini Mochi. At this point, I’ve used four of the colorways, with Intense Rainbow the shade used in the Crayon Madness set for the book. All beautiful. Mochi Plus, the Aran weight, has 16 colorways, with the original Mini Mochi colors and eight new ones.

MM, due to its soft twist, can be troublesome at times, along with the sporadic lump of roving that appears when you least expect it. This isn’t an instance of thick ‘n’ thin yarn, it’s an instance of yarn blobbery. However, the results are well worth the occasional annoyance.

I've just finished the scarf to the set. First came the mitts, then the scarf, now the hat. Finally, the socks, if I'm not sick of it all.

It's damned tough to take a picture of yourself wearing a mitt, lemme tell ya.

I'm going to ask dear bro Richard, who has a degree in photography and knows what he's doing, to take some shots. This picture is the best of the lot--it's the scarf draped over my porch railing. At least you can see the lace rib pattern.

Ex Libris, Extrapolate
I just bought Marianne Isager’s Japanese Inspired Knits. A beautiful book, with excellent photography, worth every penny. Although I wasn’t that big on her African design book, I appreciate her artistry.

These days, I buy books that inspire me to do better with my own design work, rather than entice me to knit their patterns. I find that looking at designs pushes me to view my own work from different perspectives, rather than take the expected way out. When it came time to think about the hat construction for Crayon Madness, I began thinking about a basic cap. Well, zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. There was no thrill there. Plus, decreasing the lace pattern didn’t make esthetic sense, so I cranked up the brain cells and came up with a possibility. A bonnet shape. I’ll be working out the details and troubleshooting this one—it should work.

Rowan magazines always inspire. The simplest garment often has surprising élan gained through unexpected detail—a frill here, an atypical hem there. Of course, the spectacular photography helps too, a message that hasn’t penetrated the American knitting magazines.

I picked up the latest issue of IK and once again, the photos did little justice to the designs. Same with Vague, although I’ll give it credit for the better photography. I grant you, photographing knitted garments can be a bitch. I’ve done it, as an editor, and it’s not the easiest task. Egregious namedropping: The first photographer I ever worked with was Ian O’Leary, who did Sasha Kagan’s first book and had done a lot of work for Dorling Kindersley. Great guy, and I learned a lot from about shooting garments and styling a shot. Photo shoots are not at all glamorous, trust me. They’re excruciatingly tedious.

Mac Attack on Knitting Apps
Working in IT means that I despise all things Microsoft. It’s ironic, since most of us in IT are forced to use their crap. I do hear that Windows 7 is very good, though. I’ve transferred most of my work to my MacBook, using Scrivener for the book, and the other iWork apps in place of Office junk. Once Windows 7 is available, I’ll partition the Mac to run my Windows knitting applications.

Fortunately, Knit Visualizer is available for the Mac. I’m looking into buying Garment Styler, although I don’t mind doing my own calculations. It’s a time factor, really. I own the Sweater Wizard but it’s limited.

Onceupona, when these applications didn’t exist, I used Excel as a charting tool. Once you set it up, it’s OK—and readily available. In my “spare” time, I’ve been doing a video on using Excel for charting. Watch this space. I’ll have it done in a week or so. You’ll need Flash 9 to view it. Yeah, I do this stuff for a living, so WTF. I’ve got Captivate 4 and RoboHelp 8 on my work laptop. Might as well use Captivate for my own purposes.

Special Beanie
In the spirit of nonconformity, I must say that I love kids who are born nonconformists, like both my grandchildren. And recently, I had the pleasure of meeting the son of one of Jerry’s friends, who is what Jerry calls “a lost soul”. In fact, J, as I shall call him here to protect his privacy, is not as lost as it would appear. He’s had his problems, overcame them, and is now looking to go to college to study forestry, getting his shit together finally at 23. His older brother, the “star” of the family, has seemingly overshadowed him. Not in my book. J is a smart, sweet, gentle soul, not a lost one. But he dances to his own beat.

We met up in Maine, when Jerry and I were staying at his parents’ house. I was sitting on the deck knitting when J sat down next to me and asked me to explain what I was doing. My usual explanation is: “You make interconnected loops using these sticks called needles.”

J then said, “I gotta show you something.” He bounced into the house and returned in a shot with a handful of commercially knit caps. “I wear these all the time and I love them.” I looked them over, told him they were very nice (they were), and then said the words I sensed he was waiting to hear. “Would you like me to knit you one?”

His face lit up. “Yes! Oh please, would you?”

So on the way home, I stopped at WEBS and bought some Louet GEMS merino, in steel gray and burgundy. Last week, I designed the Fair Isle motif for the hat. Now, I’m swatching. J will have his hat shortly. And he asked me to teach him to knit. I will, when we meet again.

Cutting edge? No. Edgy? No. Rare and handy? I hope so. Happy Labor Day. Jerry and I are off for a ride, meandering aimlessly. He drives, I knit. The way I like it.

It's a Barbie World.

2009-08-19T20:32:00.006-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

If you carry your childhood with you, you will never grow older--Tom Stoppard

I admit to jonesing for a Barbie when I was nine. I, who hated dolls, wanted Barbie and her clothes. I've just finished writing a bit about this for the book. I made clothes for her from scraps of cloth gleaned from my grandfather's closest friend, who worked in Manhattan's Garment District, and knitted weird tubular ropes using my knitting jenny. I didn't know about I-cord back then.

If I had that 1959 Barbie MIB (mint in the box), I could retire. Anyone remember her wedding dress? Exquisite. And cost $5 back then. I saved for that for weeks.

OP Knitting

I find it interesting that many designers use other people to do the knitting for their books. I'm knitting every piece for my book. Why, given that I work a full-time job and have limited time? Because Knitting in Public is my story and it deserves pieces made by me, not some friend with too much time on their hands (I don't mind the plural possessive, despite my love of Strunk and White).

I suspect that most writers/designers of knitting books don't work full time outside the home and have plenty of minions willing to knit for them, which is why there is a continuing stream of useless knitting books. I'm sure I could round up a few volunteers to knit for me. I won't. Ever.

That means that I may only write one or two books. Big fucking deal. I'm sure that the market doesn't need a book a year from me. God knows it's enough to work on the book every evening. Write a little, knit a little. Jerry's probably sick of looking at the current book project. I know I am.

Other Fiber Shit

Despite the book, I have found a little time to do some experimental weaving on my Flip loom. What you see in the picture is me fucking around with the warp and weft. I like the colors but the warp, a 10/8 cotton, is too thin.

The first picks were done in leftover Raggi sock yarn, just to see what kind of fabric I'd get. A mess. Then I used the same warp cotton for weft. Another mess, too thin for the reed. Finally, I tried some Harrisville Shetland that I bought at WEBS two weeks ago. I bought two cones of magenta and dark green. Now I know that I need to use the Harrisville for warp and weft. Off comes the cotton, which I'll save for the Mighty Wolf loom when I can set it up.

And I do have some embroidery waiting to be started. Sometimes I need to cleanse my palate.

Mammy's Birthday

Ellie's still going strong. She'll be 86 this Friday. You'd never know it. She still drives, does her own shopping, knits better than many people half her age, and doesn't miss a trick mentally. My brother is convinced that as long as she keeps planning knitting projects, she won't have time to die. I agree. She asked for yarn for her birthday. "What else do I need at my age?"

My mother just got her Stitches flier yesterday in the mail and noticed that there was no mention of any instructors--she found that quite odd, along with the new Hartford venue. So I said to her, "Maybe I'll go this year, what the fuck. Wanna go?" I figured she'd say no.

She said, "Sure, why not?" I almost fell over. We both got sick of Stitches a few years ago and she wasn't really interested in going to Rhinebeck.

So look for me and Ellie at Stitches this year. For those of you who have met my mother, you know she's a trip.

Happy birthday, Ma. I don't know what I'd do without my bestest knitting buddy. May you live for another 20 years, like your doctor thinks you will.

Da Mags

I just picked up IK tonight at the supermarket, of all places. Haven't looked at it yet but these days, I flip through the knitting rags and immediately forget what was in them. Jaded, I suppose. I don't think I've bothered to look at a copy of Knitter's in more than a year. And the rest, I leave alone too. The new VK is out and I'm shaking with ennui. I'll get it because I like reading Lee Ann's column, dude.

The Rowan Magazine, which I will always buy sight-unseen, is the exception. And the exceptional. It puts the rest to shame.

Books are another story. I do want the new Marianne Isager book, Japanese Inspired Knits, and Spin Control, by Amy King. Besides, I love receiving packages in the mail when I get home from work.

I'm such a child, as Jerry says. He's right. And rare and handy. It won't be long now...I'll see him tomorrow night. We didn't kill each other on our vacation. Always a good sign.

P.S. I've made my reservations for Rhinebeck. Have you?

Maine Lining

2009-08-10T20:13:00.005-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life.'--Steven Wright

I always ran into the surf when I was a toddler and drove my mother nuts. She ended up putting a harness on me.

Back in the High Life Again
Yo. I'm back from vacation in New England. A short but wonderful week. We stayed with Jerry's friends John and Mary Jean at their beautiful house on a small lake in Lovell, ME.

Ya can't be crabby on vacation. Every morning I sat on the deck and worked on a book project. Here's the view. It was hard to keep my eyes on the work.

Jerry and I had a fabulous time. I needed the rest. But I worked on the book project constantly. Here's a teaser picture. This is the scarf in progress, with one of the mitts that goes with the set. There will be a hat, too. I chose the Mini Mochi rainbow shade because it is reminiscent of my very first knitting project, the one that Ma started me on. I will include the original pattern too--dare I say that it was Red Heart? Yes, I have the original Red Heart color, so I'll be making that scarf too, illustrative of what I did when I was eight years old.

The book will be littered with my designs that reflect different times in my life. At this point, the book has 15 projects that will be interwoven with the text. Some of the designs: the Winnepesaukee summer jacket done in a cotton/linen blend, a sweater tribute to Mary Quant, one of my first fashion influences, a few sock patterns, and Fair Isle Mania. You'll see. I'll give you some more teasers as I go along.

One thing I've learned--doing your own designs beats the piss out of fucking around with someone else's stuff. I realized the other day that I have done nothing but my own shit for the past year and a half. And been quite happy with what I've accomplished. In a few weeks, I'll put up a short excerpt from the book. I appreciate the publishing suggestions but I know who the publishers are. Whether I go with any of them shall be seen. Interweave is a possibility, although I will insist that I see the final edited copy. The last time I wrote for them, I was not accorded that courtesy. As a former magazine editor myself, I know how to deal with writers. You keep their voice. That should not be edited out. The editor is not the writer.

Song of the South

Well, I've been hearing nothing but Asheville from readers and from friends. Jerry and I don't mind the mild cold--it's the subzero crap that we hate. I can tolerate 40 degrees or so. Plus, New Jersey is ridiculously expensive and we both want out. Funny, because he was born in Brooklyn and I in Manhattan. Yet we're both country people. I guess we'll never lose our accents, and I'll always love being a snotty Jersey skank. This move won't happen for a bit--logistics, ya know.

New England Fiber Haunts

I did go to Patternworks. Feh. The shop in Center Harbor, NH, is just a regular place, not even half as good as my LYS, Stix 'n' Stitches in Montclair, NJ. Frankly, if you take a trip to New England, you can pass it by for Halcyon, in Bath, ME, Harrisville in NH, or the Fiber Studio in Henniker, NH. And of course, WEBS is a must. I made it to WEBS and bought some Harrisville Shetland for a weaving project that I've got on the Flip loom. We really didn't have the time to go to Halcyon or Harrisville. Jerry was a good sport--he went into WEBS and sat in one of their comfy chairs. When I dipped into Patternworks, he took a short nap in the car.

One of these days, I'm going to do another tour of these places--anyone want to come? There are other smaller places in New England that I'd like to visit. I did go to Keepsake Quilting, which owns Patternworks. I'd consider quilting if I had the time and the room. I learned how to quilt years ago and would do it again. I would love to do a reproduction Civil War-era quilt or perhaps a Depression-era quilt. I prefer the antique reproductions to more modern fabrics. It's my love of history, I suppose. I know everyone loves Kaffe's fabrics, and they are lovely. But not what I would use if I were to quilt. Actually, I had often thought of doing a whitework quilt, where the quilting stitch is the star. Fuck machine quilting. Give me a needle for my hand. Machine piecing is OK--machine quilting is a bore, to me.

So it's time to put this entry to bed, as well as me. Going back to work today was not at all rare and handy. But they do give me money, so what the fuck.

Hot Fun in the Summertime

2009-07-26T17:57:00.005-04:00

Well, not really hot fun. It's fucking raining again, here in North Arlington, NJ. I'm down at Jerry's, he's napping, and I'm taking a break from working on a design with an August 1 deadline. Raining, thunder, with dabs of sunlight. Christ, what a suck-awful summer it's been so far here.

Achtung. Die Strickmadchen Spreche. (No can do umlauts.)

So, I've decided that after years of avoiding self-promotion, I'm going to start splatting my knitting design crap around. Hey, all my friends do it. Why not me?

Why haven't I before? Two reasons. One, I have always despised the "mememe" deal. Two, didn't have the time, so I thought. But now I've come to the realization that I'm going to be 60 next April. For someone who thinks she's really around 40, the senior citizen concept has been a tough one to swallow. On the other hand, I have an amazing example in my mother, who will be 86 on August 21 and knits better than many, many younger people I know. I still can't bullshit Ma. Nobody can. She's good for another 15 years, I think. If not more. Still drives, still shops, still lives on her own, still sounds like she's a much younger woman.

With that in mind, I decided a few weeks ago that designing and writing about knitting, spinning, and maybe weaving, will be my retirement career. Jerry and I have plans to relocate to North Carolina when he's able to sell the house. We both hate the winter. At the beginning of October, we're taking a trip down there to case out Asheville, Raleigh-Durham, and Charlotte. I've been to Charlotte a number of times--nice city. But we want to live in the mountains, preferably on a lake, not too far away from a city.

So when I can, I'll give up tech writing and focus on what I care most about--doing the fiber thang and making some bucks at it.

The Book
Now that I've been chugging along with the book, I've decided to change the title. It's now Knitting in Public: My Stringy, Salient Life. Many stories about my life as an editor at McCall's Needlework & Crafts, MacKnit, All American Crafts, plus some of my early designs that no one probably remembers. The book will have numerous patterns scattered throughout that apply to the stages of my knitting "career," starting with my very first scarf that I made when eight years old.

And of course, my life story, from beginning to the present, including all the nasty bits. This is my legacy to my children and grandchildren.

Liz is getting ready to start the cover and she'll be doing the chapter header illustrations. You won't be seeing much of it here until it's ripened and then I'll put out some teasers. In the meanwhile, I'm going to start looking for a decent publisher who I can trust. Any suggestions?

Considering that throughout the years I've written thousands of pages, you'd think that writing this book would have been easy. It's not been so but I'm glad I'm up to the challenge. I put "Rock Sox" on hold because this is far more important to me now.

Anyway, Blogger seems to be having issues with uploading photos, so I'll do them them the next time I write, probably Tuesday. While I'm on vacation, I'll be working to wean my blog from Blogger and get it going on the Mac. The URL will remain the same, since I only use Blogger as a publishing tool to my domain. Shit, technology isn't always rare and handy. Sacrilege, I know.

Oh yeah, I forgot. Yesterday was my 7th blog anniversary. Go back and read the first entry. Sheesh.

Damned Cobwebs

2009-07-15T20:39:00.004-04:00

Yes, I'm here. And well.

Almost two months have gone by. Why? Because I've been totally disinterested in blogging, to be honest. It's taken me this long to get the urge to write in the evening, other than on my book. FaceBook and occasionally Twitter both give me the opportunity to drop a sentence here and there in a nanosecond. Blogging is another story.

I was on the brink of ditching the blog entirely, closer than I've ever been. And then, I thought, why the fuck should I trash something that's consumed a better part of seven years. Dumb.

So what have I been doing, besides working on my book? A lot of knitting, some spinning, and weaving too. Lots of designing going on here. No more knitting OP's stuff. I'm thoroughly enjoying my own creations. I will be publishing these patterns--some lace scarves, mitts done in Mini Mochi, a nice new yarn from Crystal Palace, a lace jacket made from CotLin, and a few other items.

I knocked out this Baby Surprise Jacket for a coworker whose daughter just had another baby.
The buttons are little stegosauruses. The yarn is Limbo Mexiko sock yarn. I haven't made one of these in 17 years, when the Punk Princess was born. It's mind numbing but makes for a good present and perfect TV knitting.

Jerry and I have had a wonderful summer so far. Been down the shore. See picture below, taken at Seaside Heights, one of the Jersey shore's finer trashy places.
So this post is short. But from now on, I will be posting regularly, in bits and pieces. The blog redesign, which I had hoped to do on the Mac, may be put off for a month or two. But in the meanwhile, my 7th blog anniversary is the 25th (note that I eschewed "blogiversary", it being an idiotic word), so maybe we can celebrate my resurrection, eh?

After all, even though I maybe MIA, I'm still learning to be rare and handy.

All the Young Dudes

2009-05-20T00:06:00.002-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Color is music to your eyes—Kaffe Fassett

As ever, Kaffe has nailed it. Little wonder that so many knitters I know are or have been musicians, including me. Or at the very least, music aficionados. Ted knows more about classical music than almost anyone I know, except for my friend Chris Gately. I’d love to see the two of them compete on a Music Jeopardy.

Yes, all the young dudes were at Easton Mountain in upstate NY this weekend for the Men’s Spring Knitting Retreat. I think it’s wonderful that the guys get together, without the chicks, to enjoy each other’s company, learn from each other, and run around naked. Yeah, they do. I have that on good authority. I am sorry I didn’t Joe, Ted, Lars, Stephen, Sean, and whoever else is going. But I’m going to meet Peter Jobson on Thursday! Nanna and I have been “cyber friends” for years and I’m excited that he’ll be passing through my neck of the woods on his way to Philly. I missed out on meeting Mary Helen two years ago so at least I’ll get to meet one of my Aussie friends.

Death Cab for Cutie

Great name for a band. Some of my favorite band names are Talking Heads, Richard Hell and the Voidoids, and the Dead Kennedys. I was thinking that the perfect name for a knitting list would be Death Cable for Cutie.

Except that the lists are all traveling in their own death cabs. Little wonder, given the social networking that has become the trademark of Web 2.0. Folksonomy. That’s a word you may not yet know but is a portmanteau of folk and taxomony. Social tagging.

I’m guilty of being a Twit and a FaceBook addict, although I rarely IM anyone and I never text-message, leaving that to Liz, who seems to have spastically magic fingers as only the young do these days.

Ravelry has certainly become the gigunda list of all time, encompassing the KnitDweebs and the rest of us with functioning brains and modicums of taste. In fact, I have not been on Ravelry in almost a year, for many reasons. One is time. I can shit Twits out from my BlackBerry but I can’t access Ravelry from work, since my work laptop is tightly controlled by the company for which I consult.

In some respects, the impending death of the lists isn’t a big surprise. For many people, writing an e-mail these days lacks the immediacy and the exposure that the social networking sites give to users. I’m talking about instant gratification, the disease that affects many of us, me included. I’m not predicting the death of blogs yet; however, FB entries are known to tech peeps as mini-blogs. There is a lot of truth to that. I can nail an FB or Twitter “What are you doing” in a nanosecond at virtually any time.

Where I used to get several Socknitters digests a day, now I might get one every couple of days. Frankly, I rarely had time to read them. If the lists want to survive, they will have to move from Yahoo Groups to FaceBook Groups. Otherwise, the old-time lists as we knew them will take a death cab trip into cyber history. Where they belong, I think.

Sit ‘n’ Spin

For some reason, I’ve been more interested in spinning recently than in knitting, although I’ve picked up my knitting here and there. I suppose spring and MS&W purchases have something to do with that.

I’d like to spin some silk to knit another scarf like the one I made for my friend Susan last year.

The pattern stitch came from Heirloom Knitting. It worked well with the handpainted silk and it was enough of a challenge to keep my interest piqued (not “peaked,” which is how I’ve seen too many people spell it). This is some of the silk I bought in MD. I'm hoping to get it all spun by the end of next month so I can get cracking on the scarf.

Granddoggie Bailey

Yes, I'm a Grammy again. To a petite canine who charmed this cat lover to the nth degree.

That's Bailey with his momma Jenn. Bailey's a Pomeranian. Fluffy, foxy, and teeny. We loves Bailey, preciousss. He's quite rare and handy. Must off to bed go. It's after midnight, I've been fucking around with FaceBook, playing Bejeweled and doing badly, and now my allergies are screaming "Zyrtec."

MD Sheep Shit and Mud

2009-05-05T22:38:00.004-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

To create man was a quaint and original idea, but to add the sheep was tautology--Mark Twain

God knows there were throngs of both at MD. I won't be going to MD again. Frankly, the thrill of insane women throwing themselves into already crowded booths, with or without strollers, has lost its charm for me. MD is far worse a venue than Rhinebeck. Why I thought it had perhaps gotten better in the ten years since last I attended is a mystery.

I fully understand why newbies want to go. You'll never see such wares in one place. If you have not, then do so once.

I'll stick with Rhinebeck, which is a far better festival.

None-da-less, I was happy to see BJ and Carol, albeit briefly. I bought what I wanted and got out of Dodge at noon. Here's what I bought. Not much.

Two Golding spindles. Bottom is the Celtic Knot, the top is Bali Sweetheart #8, which has a Russian insert. This is a one-of-a-kind. Below is the picture that the Goldings have on their website.

It's .87 ounces. Perfect for what I spin.

No, I didn't buy the Ladybug. Decided against it. Instead, today I ordered something else online from Halcyon that will be far more useful to me. When it shows up, hopefully by Friday, you'll see it.

The fiber at the festival seemed to be merino-heavy. I did find some lovely silk, though. The little bags below are about a half-ounce each. They'll be spun for a scarf similar to the one I made last year.

And here's some more silk. This is tussah.

Of course, Jerry was with me. And he thoroughly enjoyed himself, asked lots of questions, and was blown away by the Golding Shepherdess wheel. Jerry gets the whole fiber deal. And finds it interesting.

He wandered away frequently to look at something. Thank God he's tall. Otherwise, I would have lost him in the crowds.

Finally, on the way out, I spotted this stuff--70% wool, 30% seacell. I bought enough to make a short jacket or vest.

Of course, when I'm going to find the time to do all of this is a major question. But I'll find the time.

The good news is, I will be doing some writing for Spin-Off. Amy Clarke Moore has asked me to write for her, and I will. An interview with a secret celebrity will be forthcoming. And I have other articles to pitch to her, as well. I'll keep you posted as to who, what, when, and where.

I didn't take too many pictures of the event itself. What was more important to me than going to MD S&W was the event of the next day.

Will You Still Love Me, When I'm 64?

Or when I'm 59? On Sunday, the weather was so foul, Jerry and I headed down to Virginia to see one of my oldest and dearest friends, Peggy Carroll Fallon. We've been friends since 1965, when she was a freshman and I a sophomore at Montclair High School in NJ.

We were the writing wunderkind back then. We wrote poetry together, played in the orchestra together ('cello for her, violin for me), and shared life beyond that, when we had our children Danny and Jenn, Melissa and Corinne, literally at the same time. Then Peg married Bill, her second husband, had two more kids, and they moved to Virginia, to an 1865 farmhouse.

Sometimes, even though you haven't seen someone in three years, it's just a nanosecond. Prior to that, we had lost each other for 25 years. Now, we're together again. The only thing missing was the third piece--our Dottie.

The love of a friend is inestimably rare and handy. Leaving her on Sunday was like ripping my arm out of its socket. But we'll be together again, shortly. Because I'm going back to old Virginny soon.

Let the Birthday Games Begin

2009-04-25T08:30:00.004-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

What a drag it is getting old--Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, "Mother' s Little Helper"

So the Glimmer Twins wrote that song when they were 25? And now the two are going to be 66 this year.

It's early, it's my birthday, Jerry's still sleeping, and I'm out on the porch writing. A bit chilly but the weather is going to heat up to the high 80s today. Yeah, thank ya Jeeeeezus.

The celebration started yesterday when I walked into work and found that my coworkers had decorated my desk.

Yes, that's a Nerf gun on my laptop. We do occasionally have shootouts at the Okey-Dokey corral. They sprinkled my desk with little birthday cutouts. Our team has five birthdays this week alone, so we're having a group party next week.

And then Jerry came up last night, with these in hand:

Plus a card that I can't display. Suffice it to say that I laughed my ass off when I read it after midnight. He was jonesin' for me to read it but I wouldn't, until it was officially my birthday. I know he has a present for me, but he's still cuttin' ZZZZZZZZZs.

My beloved gay brother, Joe, sent me this:

I love the colors! Damn him! Now I want to wind the skeins and start designing a pair of men's socks. One of my colleagues, Bobby, who's a sweetheart and young enough to be my son, loves what he calls "Funky Man Socks" so I think that's a perfect name.

And finally, here's what I'm doing right now, out on the porch, with coffee and Cleo at my side.

I had to laugh yesterday. My cell phone goes off and it's Liz. "Happy Birthday, Gram!" Um, Liz, it's tomorrow. She got so upset that she got it wrong, I had to calm her down over the phone. And then we laughed. Liz just got her first job, so she's up to her earballs. But getting an "I love ya, Gram" was a fine pre-birthday present, for sure.

Tomorrow is grandson Ian's 12th birthday. Ian, aka Birthday Present, because he came damned close to being born on his Gram's birthday. So it's a big fambly get-together down at Corinne's house, with ganze Familia attending. Cake, coffee, and schmoozing. I'm so lucky to have such a fabulous family. We all love each other. And everyone is rare and handy.

It's All Relative. Mommy, Daddy, Baby, President

2009-04-20T22:09:00.000-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions.-- Albert Einstein

When my youngest daughter Corinne was tiny, she would identify her family as "Mommy. Daddy. Baby. President." I was never quite sure whether she was the Baby or the President. Perhaps her sister can clarify. But I doubt it. There's nothing better than a child's imagination. God knows both my children had imaginations that ran rampant, particularly Jenn.

Which is why I've decided that I will become even more childish than I am now. It's the only way to survive.

Happy belated birthday to my Sissyboo, Ms. Scrappy. She was my 12th birthday present. The gift that keeps on giving, as they say.

Here's why Kar and Mar are glad that Mammy had them in April.

This picture was taken at Branch Brook Park this past Sunday, a county park in Newark/Belleville, NJ, that rivals DC with its cherry blossoms. Jerry and I were out and about, wanting to enjoy the sunshine, so he drove over and we cruised through the park.

And then the weekend before, we drove along the Delaware River.

It's fucking 41 degrees and raining out, as I write this. Feh.

Obligatory Knitting (and Spinning) Shit

Well, almost one sleeve done on Jerry's sweater. As you can see, Cleo does not understand the concept of being nonplussed. She decided to step into the photo, something she never does. Little attention whore.

If that isn't a look of disdain, I don't know what it is. Cleo is such a non-feline, I'm ashamed to call her a cat. I sat with my spindle last night, twirling it in front of her. She turned her back and walked away. No interest in yarn, no interest in cat toys, eats catnip and immediately falls asleep. Jesus.

I've been fucking around with my Comet spindle again, this time using some Romney that I found in the fiber storage bin.

It's actually spinning up nicely and I'm now satisfied that I can spindle. I still prefer a wheel, howsome ever.

Panera Posse

I managed to make it to the Mt. Olive Panera last Wednesday for the knitting get-together. Only five of us showed up: Me, BJ, Linda, Jeanne, and later, Crystal. But I did take a picture of their gruesomenesses.

From left, it's Linda, Beej, and Jeanne. Crystal showed up after the photo shoot. I did admire Jeanne's bag that she made herself, of fabric called "Knitmare on Main Street." My favorite motif is the skeleton slumped in the armchair with the knitting. That's how I feel, most nights.

It's funny. I've never been much for groups, never joined much of anything other than orchestra in high school, dropped out of Girl Scouts because I was bored and the girls in the troop, other than Dottie, were annoying. But I enjoy going to this group when I can muster up the energy on Wednesday nights to make the 70-mile roundtrip after work.

MD Not Cheap and Wool

Well, I'm ready. Got my pennies together, although I still haven't decided if I want to get the Ladybug. I am not usually so pussified when making a decision but the little schizo voice in my head keeps saying, "Do you REALLY need another wheel?" The schizo voice obviously mimicks my mother quite well.

I'm bringing Jerry with me and my gut thoughts run to "do you really want him to know what you spend on this shit?" Of course, given fiber shoved into my eyeballs, Jerry will vanish for a brief time. You know he won't be any kind of shopping deterrent.

Twitz

I finally started using Twitter more often and stuck it into the sidebar the other night. As I was reading in e-Week, Twitter and FaceBook are now known as "mini-blogs." With Twitter limited to 140 characters, I'd say that was past "mini" but probably just enough for anyone's blather, including mine.

I remember learning about stream-of-consciousness writing when I was a freshman in high school and thinking that it was a very cool way to write. I seem to recall that I tried my hand at it, possibly for a homework assignment. In fact, this blog is plenty stream of consciousness, when you come right down to it. I rarely think much of it through until I'm typing. I may take pictures, may use 'em, may not.

So consider this true WYSIWYG kind of crap.

Hippo Bird-day

Friday will be my last day of being in my 50s because, as my mother so kindly reminded me yesterday, Saturday will be the first day of my 60s. I think she's enjoying the fact. Considering that she will be 86 in August but looks and acts like she's in her 60s, I figure I'm about 35 or so, really. What my mother knits would put a lot of knitters half her age to shame. She just finished the Mari Dembrow cardigan that I've been working on. And started another lace shawl.

While I spent some time last week feeling a bit sorry for myself because damn it, I'm getting to be an old lady, I rallied and decided, fuck it. I'll never lose my attitude. Mammy hasn't, my grandmother didn't, I won't either. And I've passed this along to Jenn and Corinne, with Liz being the rarest and handiest budding curmudgeon of them all. It's all relative.

Maaaaac Attack!

2009-04-07T21:45:00.006-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith.—Steve Jobs

As a geek and a very early Mac user—I began with one of the very first 512K Mac Plus models in 1984, right after the Lisa—my segue into the land of Billy Gates and PCs was an event over which I had no control. In 2000, when I left the land of magazine publishing where Macs reigned supreme and went over to the Dark Side to become a tech writer, I was tossed kicking and screaming into a PC world.

As I journeyed through the tech world, I found that I wasn’t alone in my disdain for Microsoft—most developers really hate Windows, despise Vista, and love the Mac operating system or Open Source. Linux is big, too. (Of course, being a SharePoint administrator and architect does rather tie me to Billy. But SP is arguably the best thing that ever came out of Microsoft.)

I caved and bought a Dell desktop and laptop, sadly dumping my old Mac G3. It’s been almost seven years since I’ve touched a Mac. Well, huzzah. I bought a MacBook. It’s almost better than sex. I did this entry on the Mac and while it's a bit fucked up, I'll get back into the swing of OS X soon enough.

Blog Redesign

My boss Rick, who as the Web Team Leader, gets to use a Mac, showed me how to use my Mac to redesign my blog.

After almost 7 years, I’ve about had it with Blogger. Because I use Blogger for the page layout and other stuff but I publish my entries to my own domain, www.knittingcurmudgeon.com, Blogger won’t allow me to use widgets. And I have to hard-code anything I want to change on the template.

So over the course of the next month or so, I’ll be working on a completely new look. I’m thinking I’ll debut it on the blog’s 7^th anniversary.

Book Acquisitions

I’ve been on a binge lately. Well, for me. I am so incredibly sick of seeing the shitload of how-to-knit books (I’m tempted to do a count of how many how-tos are in print), it’s always a pleasure to find some good books that presume you know your shit to some degree.

There’s been four additions to my library lately: Cheryl Oberle’s Knitted Jackets, The Essential Guide to Color Knitting Techniques, French Girl Knits, and Pretty in Punk. You know who'll benefit from the last title. All were worth every penny but The Essential Guide is unquestionably the most comprehensive book on the subject that I've ever read. It covers all color knitting, including working with hand-dyed yarns. That discussion alone is worth buying the book.

I have an extensive library but few how-to reference books. My preferred books for that category is the Vogue Knitting book and all of Maggie Righetti’s books. I own Principles of Knitting but never use it. It’s a ponderous tome and frankly, grossly overwritten and opinionated. I understand that June Hiatt has been updating it but I’ve heard that rumor for three years now.

Need to Know

I’ve managed to muddle along for years using four cast-ons: long tail, provisional, cable, and knitted-on. I don’t feel I need to learn yet another cast-on. The Double SwitchBack Rustic Arcadian cast-on ain't in my playbook. These four fill the bill.

Decreases? Well, those are actually more limited in the number of methods than increases. I never decrease on the edge of anything. But you know that, don’t you.

In lacework, I will make a judgment call on how I decrease. Still, decreases are always variations that are worked within the same number of stitches—if you have to decrease 2 sts in a lace pattern, you can either slip 1, knit 2 together and then pass the slipped stitch over, knit 3 together, or knit 2 together, knit 1 and pass the 2 into 1 dec’d stitches over it. With decreases, it’s always a matter of how the finished decrease looks that will determine your choice. You don’t have to use what the designer has chosen if you prefer another method. I often change my decrease methods to improve the look.

Increases are another story. I collect 'em. Depending upon the stitch pattern, you often must use a specific increase method. This is driven by the way the stitch pattern is formed and how the increase is blended into the pattern.

Bind-offs? I have a couple up my sleeve, as it were.

The sum total of my knowledge could fill a short book. Which is why I would never bother writing a how-to. It's getting tiresome to see yet another of these appear on the scene. I trashed my how-to book three years ago because I didn't want to waste my time or anyone else's by rehashing the same old shit.

My Writing Shit

Speaking of books, mine continue apace. I've put Rock Sox to one side because the other book has become far more meaningful to me. Suffice it to say that I am following advice Shannon Okey gave me awhile back, advice that I put aside and then reconsidered. I will be asking the Punk Princess to do the cover. Liz is a talented artist and the one person I can be sure will come through for me.

Most of my friends have seen this picture and are probably sick of looking at it, but this is Liz at her induction into the National Art Honor Society last December, with one of her pieces in back of her. She was almost 10 when I first started writing this blog and long-time readers have watched her grow up on these here pages. She's her Gangsta Gram's girl, for sure. Rare, handy, with a wicked sense of humor.

Sun? Flowers? WTF are those? GIMME SHELTER...on the beach.

2009-03-25T22:11:00.002-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

Spring is nature’s way of saying “Let’s party!”—Robin Williams

Party on, Mar. Party on, Tonant Weaders. Even though as I write this, it’s currently around 40 degrees Fahrenheit here in beautiful NEPA, the vernal equinox has arrived.

Ravelry Boohaha Feh-stival
I truly appreciated all of your comments re: the last post. Your support means more to me than I can express. Even though I do write for myself, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that it makes me happy that others find something in what I write. I’ve still not bothered reading the thread. I left that up to you.

I’m not going away too soon. So the mean girls on Ravelry(I loved that analogy) are just going to have to take their pom-poms and perform obscene acts with cheap yarn.

So now, back to business.

Rock On
Jerry had a surprise for me on Saturday. He took me to see Fleetwood Mac at the Izod Center in the Jersey Meadowlands. Classic. Was that not a sweet thing to do? He’d been planning this surprise for a couple of months. And managed to keep his mouth shut, too. Nieces Kate and Michele came along and the four of us had a great time.

Fleetwood Mac was amazing. Especially since they are all over 60 now, including Stevie Nicks, who looked great. She isn’t doing her whirling dervish routine anymore, though. I suppose she has arthritis like me. I can still whirl, though, when the situation calls for it.

Besides knitting, music is a huge part of my life. Once upon a time, I was a musician...guitar and violin. I still play at the guitar, although not as often as I should.

The most important tool that a tech writer can have is an iPod Shuffle. In most places I’ve worked, writers are allowed to listen to them because music eliminates the office bullshit talking. No, I don’t have my own office. I have a wall. Not even a true cubicle, just a desk, with an overhead cabinet, and two foot-wide sides where I hang my calendar and other junk.

Here’s what’s on the Shuffle: The Stones, Tom Petty, Springsteen, The Grateful Dead, The Yardbirds, The Who, Warren Zevon, Talking Heads, Billy Joel, and a bunch of others. Rock is particularly inspiring when I’m making tutorial videos.

MD Sheep & Wool
I’m definitely going. And dragging poor Jeremiah with me, although he’s wonderfully supportive and has actually gone to Stix ‘n’ Stitches, my local yarn shop down in Montclair, NJ, with me (he fell asleep on Sheila’s couch, though). So I expect to meet some of you, right? And please, don’t give me that “I saw you but I was afraid to approach you.” Nonsense. My friends think I’m likeable, so don’t fear the reaper, OK?

I can't decide whether to buy the Ladybug or put money towards a new Mac laptop. Or maybe not spend it at all, even though I can afford to buy one or the other. My job is as secure as a job can be in this climate, but I've been loathe to spend money lately. However, I will buy something at MD, to be sure.

Jerry's Aran

Getting the back done. In fact, I should really be knitting and not writing. Halfway up the armholes, so it should be done by this weekend. And then, a sleeve.

I've decided to use the off-kilter braid as the center sleeve panel, offset by the three baby cables on each side. The braid is just wide enough to work for the saddle shoulder.

The Punk Princess Marches On
One of Liz's friends put this up on FaceBook. My little tin soldier had just hit her head while at the mall, how I don't know. And why she was in her band uniform is a mystery, unless they had just had practice and then she and her little gangsta friends made haste to their hangout.

Hard to believe she's going to be 17 this coming July. Still tiny, though. But quite the adult. Rare, handy, and a smartass to boot. Truly my blood. I was so much like her at that age. Brazen, artsy, and never afraid to run my mouth.

Come On Baby, Let's Do the Twist

2009-03-16T22:14:00.002-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves, but deal in our privacy with the last honesty and truth--Ralph Waldo Emerson

I wasn't planning on writing anything today because I spent eight and a half hours today hammering out words that will hopefully help a lot of people learn to use SharePoint, a Microsoft web-based collaborative platform where people can share documents, files, ideas, and many other things. Last week, it was creating seven videos to get people up and running on a new application release.

Some may think it's rather ironic that I'm a SharePoint administrator and architect, among my other work skills. In fact, it isn't. It's one more item in the list of things that I do in my profession.

Yes, I know there's a discussion about me and my blog on Ravelry. I haven't read it and I won't. I really don't care whether there are negative comments about me. I probably haven't cared about what other people think since I was five years old. I don't know these people and frankly, I'm not interested.

The fact is, people who read my blog think they know me. They don't. Do I suffer fools gladly? You know I don't. Do I strive for excellence? Always. Am I compassionate? Yes. I've spent many years helping people, be it with knitting problems, technical issues, even dealing with grief and mental illness. I've never said no to anyone who asked me for help. Ever. And I never will.

People write me frequently with questions about knitting, spinning, manic depression, dealing with the death of a spouse and I always try to give them a shoulder and whatever answers I've found in my journey.

That said, I do believe in taking responsibility for your own deal and relying upon yourself as much as possible. That doesn't mean not asking for help when you need it. It means setting a bar for yourself and making every honest effort to achieve excellence on your own. It's the ultimate satisfaction. Excellence needs to make a big comeback. If it doesn't, we're fucked.

Jerry always tells me that I should be proud of what I have accomplished in my life. I am, but my satisfaction and achievements are things I keep to myself, like a snotrag that I can take out when I snuffle and need to rotor-rooter my sinuses. And I do snuffle, frequently.

As a child and a young adult, I was a chronic underachiever. I fucked off all through school, winging it because I could read fast, write well, and BS my way through tests and papers. I never cared enough about school to bother doing my best. Getting Bs and Cs was fine with me.

And then, I screwed up college on a manic-depressive rollercoaster, married a guy who was an anchor, and had kids at 19 and 21. I learned the hard way that you have to be responsible for what you learn because maybe nobody is going to hand you shit. It became a challenge for me, one that stays with me to this day and will die only when I do.

Recently, I began to consider shutting the blog down. I began it in the throes of grief and now, almost seven years later, I thought that perhaps it was time to move on. The question was, do I still have anything to say? I don't know. Perhaps. I write for myself and at this point, writing my book is dearer to my heart, a legacy that I can leave to Liz and Ian, so that they know what kind of a life their grandmother has had. I wished that my grandmother had written a book so that I could have delved into her because I loved her so much.

Joe convinced me not to shut down, for reasons that I won't go into. But suffice it to say, my gay brother is damned smart.

So, if you want to get to know me, meet me at MD Sheep & Wool and/or Rhinebeck. I've gotten to know a few of my readers personally and that is the greatest benefit of writing a blog. Otherwise, if you haven't met me, shut the fuck up. Although I may straighten your ass out if you run your mouth in my Comments, I don't assume I know you at all. And if I have to rap your cyber knuckles for something stupid you say, I'm sure I don't need you as a friend. I have plenty, all of whom I love dearly.

Is This the Party to Whom I am Speaking?

2009-03-10T20:35:00.000-04:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
I’m still clinging to my BlackBerry. They’re going to pry it out of my hands.—Barack Obama

Fortunately for the Prez, he’s being allowed to keep his BB, now with special security-enhanced software.

You have to love a President who’s savvy enough to appoint a CIO for the country. It’s about time.

And I understand his love for his CrackBerry. I can’t access my personal e-mail at work, or for that matter, FaceBook. But I can on my BB.

I guess FB is out of the question for him, though.

We loves Web 2.0, precioussss.

Grouped Up
I’ve never been a joiner but lately, I’ve been going to a Wednesday night knitting group and enjoying it. After a day filled with tech crap, it’s good to clear my brain at least one night a week, see other people, and talk shop.

Last week, I brought my Joy and BJ brought her Louet and we had a little spinning lesson. I think Beej finally got the hang of it. I know that it helps a lot to watch other people draft. Talking to other knitters is good. The quality of knitting that I’ve seen in this group gives me some hope that the bar is starting to be raised.

It All Starts With a Slip Knot, Ya Know
It’s always been a concern of mine that knitters in general are overly dependent on sources other than themselves for help. It’s fine to ask for help if you’re hopelessly screwed up and you tried hard to do it yourself first before screaming SOS. However, I’m afraid that it’s been a national malaise for a long time, this “I’m owed an explanation, hold my hand” attitude.

I and other friends my age, like Loopy, had no resources back in the early ‘70s, when we picked up our needles and began to knit seriously. I cut my teeth on Mon Tricots, those wonderful French knitting magazines that I discovered around 1977. I read every set of directions for every garment and tried to visualize what was going on, usually in the bathroom, where I do my best reading. And I’d pull out my needles and some scrap yarn and practice stitch patterns. There was no one to ask so I learned by trial and error, mostly error. When I discovered Elizabeth Zimmermann in 1978, I realized that I wasn’t a blind follower because I had bumbled and stumbled my way into knitting competency.

Is it good that there are now You Tube videos for virtually every knitting function? I think so but there’s something to be said for figuring shit out on your own. It builds self-reliance and confidence, as well as the ability to troubleshoot.

In other words, think for yourself before you ask everyone on Ravelry what you should do. It is a good thing that there is a wealth of useful resources available now. However, it’s the extraneous shit that tends to boggle the mind.

Old Sweaters Never Die
I dragged my first Alice Starmore, the Morning Glory vest from Stillwater, out of the cedar chest this morning. I hadn’t worn it in several years. The vest is now 12 years old. (Just for shits ‘n’ giggles, I looked up Stillwater on Alibris.com—the going prices is $232. Gawd.)

Other than one button missing, the vest is in great shape. I tend to keep my stuff for a long time. The oldest sweater I have dates back to 1983, a Perry Ellis bolero that I made from Manos. It still looks like new, amazingly. Manos tends to pill like a bitch, which is why I rarely work with it.

Spinning Shit
Well, besides helping BJ with her spinning, I was the happy recipient last week of arguably the best spinning book ever written—The Intentional Spinner by Judith MacKenzie McCuin, published by Interweave Press.

This book, besides its comprehensive chapters on fiber—animal, vegetable, and synthetic—gives the most lucid explanation of drafting methods that I’ve ever read. Mabel Ross’s book, Handspinning, was my Bible when I was learning how to spin. And I still defer to her “measure, count” advice. But McCuin, with her excellent explanations and photographs, takes the subject matter and makes it comprehensible to rank beginners.

My one beef about the book are her ops cit for Spin Off articles from past issues. What I call “See thises”. I would have preferred seeing these placed in the Bibliography and Further Reading appendix rather than directly in the text. It’s one thing when you’re writing a textbook for historians or scientists. It’s another when you write for hobbyists. When you place this kind of citation in the body, the reader gets cranky because it’s highly likely that they don’t have access to the issue in question, nor will they be able to get it. Given that Interweave publishes Spin Off, it would have been far simpler for McCuin to include passages from the articles in question rather than tease the reader with “for more detailed information.”

I say, gimme the detailed info HERE and NOW.

The point that McCuin makes in the book and one that I’ve always posited is that an expert spinner is not one who can spin thin. It’s a spinner who can spin whatever weight of yarn they desire. This is the true test of a skilled spinner and one that I’m working towards achieving.

Jerry’s Aran
I cranked away at this over the weekend and managed to get more than 36 rows done. Cabling is slow going.

All in all, I’m pleased with the results so far. As is Jerry.

In several ways, this is far from a traditional Aran. For one thing, it’s not knit in bainin, the oiled Irish yarn that is scarcer than hen’s teeth to find. Jerry already has a Aran that he bought in Ireland on a trip there some years ago, so I wanted to make him something a bit lighter. My use of seed stitch as a side filler is also not particularly traditional.

The stitch patterns that I chose are not seen very often in the Aran sweaters made in Ireland. Frequently, they incorporate varying combinations of a double moss stitch-filled diamond central panel and other basic symmetrical central panels, simple six-row cables, Trinity stitch, double moss for filler, plus traveling stitch patterns such as Marriage Lines and Tree of Life. If you examine these sweaters, they are very basic in their design. Wonderful sweaters, to be sure. But not terribly complex. However, lately I’ve seen some Arans that are pretty complicated and done in different colors along with the traditional ecru.

It would be more accurate to call my design an Aran-style pullover. I’m thinking I may design a really traditional Aran for myself, since I don’t own one. Yeah, kiss me, I’m German. And now it's time to help Mr. McCarty use Internet Explorer. He may be rare and handy but not computer literate.

I Meant What I Said and I Said What I Meant

2009-03-02T20:19:00.003-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Shorth is better than length.—Dr. Seuss

I think all knitting directions should replace length with shorth. Although I think it should actually be sherth.

Long = length. Short = sherth.

Catch the vowel consistency?

Today would have been Theodor Geisel’s 105^th birthday. I’m old enough to remember when Cat in the Hat was published in 1957. I was seven and had been reading since I was four. But the sheer goofiness of the book won my little heart.

My favorite Seuss book is McElligot’s Pool, a book that has been overshadowed by other Seuss works.

That book, and Alice in Wonderland / Through the Looking Glass, inspired my fertile imagination, which really needed no encouragement. I was a whimsical child and I identified with Alice, who rebelled against the boring and repressive Victorian lifestyle she lived by escaping into Wonderland.

Dr. Seuss offered me the same escape. So, what's your favorite Seuss book? I loved reading Green Eggs and Ham to my girls, particularly since Corinne only ate about five things as a child: hot dogs, steak, my chicken and cashews stir-fry, mac and cheese, and McDonald's hamburgers (she hated mine).

Knock, Knock. Who’s There? Aran? Aran Who?

Aran’t you glad I didn’t say Orange?

Sorry. An uncontrollable pun leakage. I’m not going to explain the original joke. If you don’t know it, Google it.

The Dale Falk for Jerry’s Aran finally came in on the slow boat from Denmark last Thursday.

My swatch showed me a few things. First, I needed to move the two tight plaits closer to the center motif—I had placed them a bit too far away and as a result, they seemed drifty rather than anchored. Second, the one baby cable was too weak to have any impact. So I added two more. Finally, it was clear that the single moss stitch added absolutely nothing and in fact, detracted from the baby cable. I decided to use simple seed stitch as a filler. It’s quietly innocuous and wouldn’t detract from any of the other stitch patterns.

Years ago, someone told me that an odd number of items catches the eye far better than an even number. This had something to do with flower arranging, as I recall. Back then, I didn’t know anything about the Fibonacci Sequence. Jerry’s Aran has 3 main design elements—the central panel, its tight plaits on either side, and the rambling braid. If you count the three baby cables as one element, plus the seed stitch filler, there are a total of five elements: Three major, two minor. An odd number. Think about how an even number of elements might appear. I don’t think they’d work nearly as well.

I can do the sweater calculations from scratch but I usually use Sweater Wizard because I’m intrinsically lazy and because it generates schematics too. Based on the swatch’s layout, I knew that I’d need at least 116 stitches for the bulk of the front/back patterning, excluding the filler stitches on each side. Once I plugged in Jerry’s measurements and the gauge, everything fell into place. My final numbers, 132 for cast-on and 148 for the body, works perfectly with my layout.

I debated on fiddling with the ribbing, maybe sticking some small cables therein, and then decided to leave it the fuck alone. There’s enough going on in the body of the sweater. Less is always more. I like 2/2 ribbing. Good elasticity and better than 1/1 to knit.

Being a tech writer means that I’m relatively organized when pulling together directions and associated stuff, such as the charts. Everything goes into a dedicated folder on my local drive, and then I plug all the pieces—charts, directions, and schematics—into a Word document. (Sweater Wizard will export to Word, although the formatting sucks.) The directions get a quick edit. I print them out, shove ‘em into plastic sleeves, and then into a binder.

As I go along, I’ll mark up the directions with any additional information that needs to be added.

Here it is—ribbing is done and 20 rows of the pattern, so far.

I've decided on the motifs for the sleeve. When I get there, you'll see how I've designed the pattern layout. It's going to have saddle shoulders, so I'm sure you can use your head and figure it the fuck out, right?

I've been asked if I'm going to publish this design. Yes. I'll sell it from here, probably. The old Cafe Press routing, most likely. I'll do the actual leaflet, .pdf it, and that's how it will go.

I miss being a magazine editor. Funny...I haven't thought about editing magazines in a long time, being up to my eyeballs in tech writing. But lately, doing these video tutorials for work, I've had a chance to screw around with graphics, editing the video, and trying to put a little artistic imagination into an otherwise dull corporate dealie.

Fibroid Events

Post Rhinebeck Retreat Survey

I’ll be talking to Ted soon about this. The results of the survey have given me a pretty good idea of what’s what and I wasn't terribly surprised at the high scorers. Here are the results, with 43 respondents so far.

Ted and I had discussed having this retreat at Easton Mountain; however, they would prefer a 4-day event. That doesn't matter, though. There are, I'm sure, plenty of places in the Rhinebeck vicinity, that would be quite suitable. I think that this survey is pretty indicative of what would fly. I know it's certainly what I would like: A 2-day, laid-back retreat, with some of us doing the teaching. I would certainly teach finishing and the computer bit, Ted and I could both do lace, and I'm sure there may be other qualified people who may like to teach. I was amused that only 9% wanted a "name" teacher. And that no one was particularly interested in an intarsia session.

MD Sheep & Wool

I think I’ve gotten Jerry to agree to go to MD S&W this year. We were thinking about going away for a long spring weekend anyway, so why not? Frederick is lovely that time of year—at this point, any place in the spring would be lovelier than this fucking mess.

It’ll be a good dress rehearsal for Rhinebeck, I suppose. Jerry is tremendously supportive of what I do, especially since he's the main recipient of my shit these days. I don’t know who’s going to MD, other than my friend BJ, but that doesn’t matter. It's not that I need more crap but I am truly jonesin' for that Schacht Ladybug.

So, despite the hideous weather, I've been doing and feeling great. Honestly, Jerry has made the difference. And it's so nice to have someone who loves those Raggi socks I make. I've got another pair on the needles that I'll try to finish this weekend for him. Raggi socks are truly rare and handy foot coverings. As Jeremiah is a rare and handy man--Lally columns and other construction projects around the house. Yikes.

Is it fucking spring yet?

2009-02-19T21:22:00.002-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

If you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy and colorful and lively. --Mel Brooks.

Well, God knows I've got a big fucking mouth, so I guess I'm living colorfully. Although my mother keeps reminding me that in little more than a year, I'll be 60. Yeah, and you'll be how old, Ma? Heh. I'm going to see Black 47 on St. Patrick's Day and it looks like Clapton and Winwood in June. Rock on.

Been busy, as usual. The new job is just perfect but time consuming, as my kind of work always is. But then, they do pay me twice a month. So no bitching here. Plus, being with Jerry sucks up writing time, and I’m sure not bitching about that.

I realized the other day that I originally started the blog as grief therapy. Not that it filled the void but it did give me focus when I needed it. Had Jimmy lived, I don’t know if I would have gotten so involved in writing, although I had been an editor/writer for many years prior to 2002.

The grief therapy ended long ago but I was still pretty much alone, with work, knitting, and friends taking the place of a significant other. Now I spend my weekends with Jeremiah, still knitting but not writing. At the beginning of a relationship, it’s important to spend the time building it. Now that we’ve built it, I’m sure Jerry won’t mind if I spend an hour or two on the weekend writing. Considering that he’s mucking around with fixing up his house, he now has a time sucker-upper too. So I'll get back into the swing of things.

Generally speaking, if you want to know what I'm doing, I've gotten into the FaceBook thing. Most of my friends and family are on it and I enjoy sharing pictures with my kids and friends.

Plus, the Punk Princess, who has 900+ friends, plays on FB a lot. She made an unbelievably funny video for her history class...she plays Hitler. You have to see it to believe it. Produced it, edited it, and starred in it, along with friends Jennifer and Miranda. Yikes.

Sox
I almost never make socks other than my plain vanilla 60-stitch socks with the common heel. I don’t use Magic Loop, don’t knit from the toe up, don’t change a damned thing because these socks FIT.

I don’t care about fancy-schmancy socks, which is why I never buy sock pattern books, although I am designing socks for Rock Sox that are fairly complex and I love doing that. For myself, though, I can’t be bothered.

I wear my socks with jeans and I am not going to invest in those see-through clogs just to show off some stitch pattern. My socks are strictly utilitarian. I use self-patterning yarn and that’s it. Nobody’s gonna see some hot-shit lace patterned socks if I’m wearing pants. However, I know lots of people love to knit socks with a challenge in them. And they are good learning tools for those knitters who want to try a new technique or stitch pattern.

Jerry’s Aran
In between making my basic 60-stitch socks, I laid out the Aran patterns, wrote the set-up directions, and got the 32-stitch repeat done. Besides the gauge factor, the swatch gives me the opportunity to add some smaller patterns if needed. I haven’t yet decided whether I want more or not. I took two pictures, one that shows the truer color of the yarn,
the other below that shows the stitch detail a little better but isn't color true.

I played around with the direction of the baby cable on the left side. About 2/3 of the way, I decided to see how a left-leaning cable would affect the single moss stitch filler. I wasn’t too happy with the definition between the moss stitch and the right-leaning cable, so I thought perhaps doing this change would sharpen the definition. I may also slightly decrease the number of reverse stockinette stitches between the motifs.

The yarn, Dale Falk, is on backorder from Denmark, so for the time being, I’ll work on the stitch pattern layout and do the calculations for the sweater. The sleeves will be saddle-shoulders. And perhaps finish my Dembrow cardigan, which has been fermenting in my project basket and possibly growing mold or fungi.

Spring Stuff
I did some surfing around to see if any of the magazines had a preview of their Spring issues. Vogue Knitting has never done previews, which is a smart idea, given their generally awful offerings. Knitter’s may have a Spring preview but as far as I could tell, it’s either not gone live yet or it’s buried somewhere in that mess of a website.

IK’s preview is up. A few nice things but all in all, once again underwhelming, with few challenges for advanced knitters. Too many garments with more than 75% stockinette. The Fountain Pen shawl was about the only challenge I saw, and for an experienced knitter, not a big challenge.

The photography is still very static, the models less than memorable. Of course, you could always make the argument that the garments are the show but I offer up Rowan’s magazine as my rebuttal. Rowan puts American magazines to shame. I would far rather spend my money on Rowan’s publications than the American rags. Even if I don’t care for some of the garments, they are so beautifully modeled and photographed that the most unappealing item looks great.

And will someone please tell me why designers persist in creating spring and summer garments using worsted-weight cotton? Other than those allergic to wool, I see little use for this shit. If you don’t know how to handle cotton, you’ll end up with a saggy balloon-y nightmare, the odds of this happening being greater, the heavier the cotton.

Rhinebeck Rewind Retreat
Ted and I were talking the other weekend. Always a dangerous thing--we do go on. Me, bitching about not being able to go to the guys’ knitting retreat at Easton Mountain to see him as well as Peter Jobson, who will be coming from Oz.

We started discussing the possibility of having a post-Rhinebeck retreat this year, for a few days. So I’ve set up a survey to get your feedback. It seems to me that Rhinebeck is altogether too short and not always easy for friends to meet and spend time just BSing and knitting together.

If there’s enough interest, Ted and I will do this retreat. So give use your feedback.

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

Well, lunchtime is over and it’s back to making tutorial videos using Captivate, the Adobe answer to Camtasia, which I've used as well in the past. Quite fun, actually. One of these days I might fool around with doing a knitting tutorial, although I don’t know about what. Suggestions? I won’t get this posted until tonight because I can’t access Blogger from my work computer. It’s locked down, majorly. Websense, the site blocker, is not rare and handy. It’s a pain in the ass.

Yes, Shrub's Gone! And Yes, We Did!

2009-01-20T13:51:00.002-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.--Barack Obama

The Bush regime is gone. I'm working from home today but I stopped at 11:30 and gave the inauguration my full attention. The night Obama was elected, I know we all cried tears of relief. It's been 8 miserable years and the country overcame their stagnancy and regained their hope. What a magnificent speech Obama gave. I'm not listening to the talking heads dissect it. Just want to savor the moment.

Can-do. We can don that national persona once again. It's never really been lost, just masked in despair. The time has come for us all to raise up our faces to the sun and get to work. We can get out of this mess we're in. Hard work, patience, and perseverance will prevail now. And Dallas can keep that son of a bitch. I hope that Obama and the Congress have the balls to go after him, Cheney, and Rove for their crimes. They need to pay, not to get a free ride.

Jerry's Aran

I've been doodling around with this. There is a method to my madness. I'll be chronicling this sweater design, from the beginning to the end, as I go along because I think it may be of value to you, if not to me.

Long before Janet Szabo published her book, I had designed several Aran sweaters, two of which were commissions for friends. I had a process then that was very similar to Janet's, simply because there is really no other sane way to design an Aran.

I've picked the stitch patterns and I've begun fitting them into the front. As the tech writer I am, I'll be systematic about describing my process.

Pick the central panel first, then fill in the others. Use Fibonacci numbers, as suggested by Janet. My design will have three main design elements: the central panel, a tight plait next to it, dividers, and then a braid.

Scan the stitch patterns from their respective books and insert into a Word document.

Set up an Excel file for layout and preliminary stitch number calculations.

The latter step is very helpful. Rather than make a line sketch of the pattern placement, I use a spreadsheet for a layout and then insert the number of stitches for each pattern below. I then do a sum of the stitches that will constitute roughly 90% of the entire front/back, with the side filler stitches left blank until the actual swatch is finished.

This is just half of the row, since I couldn't get the entire thing captured as a readable graphic. I do the entire row, with the right side stitch patterns mirrored. But you get the idea.

I guesstimate my gauge so that I have a rough idea of what I need to cast on when I swatch. I'll be using Dale Falk, so 5.5 sts/in. is not unrealistic, although it may vary slightly. Using this figure, I can remove stitch patterns that may add too many stitches, since I need to have a decent number of filler stitches on each side to accommodate the armhole shaping. I removed the twisted divider stitch and accompanying purls to acheive this but left it in the spreadsheet if the swatch's measurements will allow me to include it.

I now have a road map for swatching. The spreadsheet will help me do the final calculations for the cast-on, given a 10% reduction for the ribbing.

The central panel and the large braid still have to be charted--I've done the tight plait. I'm going to try to get those done tonight on Knit Visualizer.

If this design turns out the way I'm hoping, I'll sell it. Might as well make some money from my efforts.

Winter IK

I have to say, I was underwhelmed. However, I loved Sean Riley's Harvard Square hat and Laura Grutzeck's Ropes and Picots cardigan. I'll make Sean's hat, definitely, since I need one and I love the graphic approach of his design. Laura's cardigan will have to go on hold for awhile, since I just ordered and received three more Mari Debrow patterns. I've got enough to keep me busy for the next ten years, at least.

IK wasn't terrible, it was just lackluster to me. I liked the socks OK, the mittens were a bit late in the season. Why they weren't in the gift issue is beyond me. Otherwise, it was kinda boring. If I see another "Why We Knit" article, I'm gonna spew. Do we really need to analyze it yet again? For what reason? Who gives a flying fuck why we knit?

Interweave has some good books out, though. Books I will get asap. Carol's sock book, of course. Knitted Lace of Estonia. And maybe French Girl Knits. I need more books like a hole in the head. Every time I've moved, it's been the books that were a royal pain in the ass.

One Thing Finished

I got the mitts done and I've been wearing them constantly in this hellish weather. They're quite funky against my black winter jacket.

I think when I do Sean's hat, I'll match two of the colors. Yikes! I'll probably make it this weekend, since I need a hat badly. My black felt hat is alright but it shows every little stray hair and piece of lint.

In the meanwhile, inbetween major projects, I've been replenishing my sock drawer as well as using up some of my sock yarn stash.

Anyway, thanks for all the good wishes. Jerry appreciated them, as did I. He read them and was going to comment but was at a loss for words. Pretty damned unusual for him.

With the weather so gawd awful, I'm getting a serious case of cabin fever. One good thing is that I'm feeling quite balanced and focused, despite the urge to go hibernate. I'd say that's normal. Subzero wind chill has never been rare nor handy. I want warm.

Snot Rockets

2009-01-15T20:34:00.003-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.--Dorothy Parker

It's been awhile since I've used a quote from another unrepentant Jersey girl knitter. Yes, Dot was a knitter.

And if you read the somewhat uninteresting article in this issue of Piecework, so was Eleanor Roosevelt.

I had the great good fortune to meet her in 1961, when she gave a lecture at an Episcopalian church in Upper Montclair, where I grew up. My friend Dottie, whose family belonged to St. James's, was with me, since it was her mother's idea for us to go. Mrs. Roosevelt was Episcopalian and lived in Hyde Park in her Val Kill home at the time, so it's not surprising that she made an appearance in an Upper Montclair church.

I was 11 and being the fearless little girl that I was, stood up during the question and answer period and posed a question to Mrs. Roosevelt about the Russian missile threat. She was incredibly gracious and after the lecture, she thanked me for asking such a good question. I was, and still am, thrilled to have had the honor of meeting her.

Obligatory Knitting Shit
Finished the mitts, complete with embroidery. Of course, they're out in the car and I'll be damned if I go down to the garage at night in 10 degree weather. I'll take some pictures of them over the weekend.

The next thing will be Jerry's Aran. I've got it all charted, now I'm waiting for the yarn to come in, since I had to order the right color, which is a medium blue-gray. I did buy one skein just for swatching, though, so I may mess with that next week. I'm really looking forward to this one. In the meanwhile, I'll shoot out a pair of socks or two.

Jeremiah
Snot rockets? Jerry has dared me to write about them and our romance and ship it to eHarmony. I might but this is as good a testing ground as any. As he says, "I KNOW you're going to write about it." Well, I demurred a bit. "It's a bit personal, dontcha think, Jer?" He laughed.

I've mentioned Jerry before but I guess it's time to own up to the whole thing. It is a funny but sweet story of how we met last September.

After some absolutely boring dates over the summer from Match.com, I dumped that service and I sign up for eHarmony, which is the dating service that runs TV ads constantly. Supposedly they match you with the right person. I go through these profiles and I'm going "Feh. Blech. Yuck." If you ever want a good laugh, read some of these profiles, on whatever dating service you choose. I was always tempted to write my profile as a parody:

I love to go walking on the beach, have a candlelit dinner with a bottle of wine. I adore NASCAR and golf and I love to cuddle on the couch while we watch NFL games on Sundays. I'm honest, not a game player, clean, thrifty, and reverent. I love to dress up in heels and go out to dinner.

Yeah, that's me, alright. Sure. If I go to the beach, I'm in the water. I don't drink. I hate NASCAR, don't give a rat's ass about golf. I'll cuddle on the couch but it might lead to more and you'll have to turn off the game. However, I am honest to a fault but incredibly irreverent. So fuck you if you can't take a joke.

And then I get Jeremiah's profile. Oh, cool name, I thought. I start reading it. It's short but at the end, he writes "And my nieces think I'm a pisser."

Yes. This one I'd like to know. So Jerry and I start writing to each other. And then comes the inevitable phone call. We're on the phone for two hours. I'm laughing my ass off. He seems wonderful but...he lives almost 80 miles away, in North Arlington, NJ. Hmmm. A bit far.

We talk again. Again, a great conversation. And I'm thinking, maybe. But then, the shit came down at work and I backed off and told Jerry I was seeing another person. I was scared, to be honest. I realized that my attraction to Jerry, even over the phone, was more than I could handle then. Yeah, another person--Mr. Formula 1, for one hideous lunch date. So I blew a good guy off.

I never stopped thinking about Jerry and then, after dumping eHarmony, I tried SeniorFriendFinder in early November. I'm on it two days and all of a sudden, there's Jerry. He's favorited me. That did it. I e-mailed him and told him I was an idiot to trash him. We met a week later. And we were both done.

Snot rockets...well, just let me say that I can't really write this explicitly but suffice it to say, he threatened to blow some on my back when I smart-assed him in bed. If he wants to write more about it, he can in the Comments.

I'm still laughing about snot rockets. And yes, we love each other very much. I've been waiting for Jerry for a very long time. We're so alike, it's scary, as he says. He's as snarky as I am but a loving, kind sweetheart. We take very good care of each other. He gets me. I get him. He gets the fiber crap. And loves movies, history, current events, hates Bush. What more could a girl want? And I think he's hot.

I never thought that I would find anyone to love again. Jerry, if you're reading this (yes, he does read the blog), I love you so much. There, I said it publicly. Are ya happy? I sure am, ya old fuck. Like George Carlin said, we're old fucks. And rare and handy ones too. He'll be coming to Rhinebeck next October. Forewarned is forearmed. The two of us together are formidable.

German Eyes are Smiling.

2009-01-08T20:03:00.001-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody.--Brendan Behan

One of my favorite Irish writers, along with Joyce and Samuel Beckett. Author of Borstal Boy, which I highly recommend.

Irish poets? Yeats in particular. "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." Another great quote, along with my favorite, "A terrible beauty was born." Reference to the Easter Rebellion of 1916. I do know my Irish history well.

Yes, Jerry is Irish...well, Irish-American. And he really did kiss the Blarney Stone. No shit.

I should have been Irish, given my general high spirits. But I do enjoy being the Anti-German. Sense of humor, sometimes disorganized, occasionally late.

Holiday Madness

We spent most of the holidays together, so I'm just getting back on track now. I met his wonderful sister Pat, and the altogether too smart and sweet nieces, Kelly, Kate, and Michele, on Christmas eve.

(No, Jerry, you do NOT look like a child molester in this picture.)

And then he met my family on Christmas Day. Ye Gods, what a crew.

Ian, mesmerized by his new Wii, Joe (Liz's boyfriend) playing her pink bass, her birthday present from Gram, and the Punk Princess herself.

And my favorite Christmas picture.

Jesus, Jerry, for crissakes, smile the next time someone takes our picture. The necklace I'm wearing in the picture was my Christmas present from him: a blue opal. Gorgeous. And the earrings do light up and flash obnoxiously but I restrained myself. A bit.

Then, the Sunday after Christmas, we did a wonderful road trip to DC. We walked our asses off, doing almost all of the Smithsonian museums.

I loved this sculpture. It turned slowly with the wind.

Unfortunately, we didn't make it to the White House. I did forget my old stinky sneakers anyway. However, the Capitol building was already swathed with scaffolding in preparation for the inauguration.

And finally, the holidays were over and it was back to work.

Obligatory Knitting Shit

Well, idiot child left the directions to the Debrow cardigan at Jerry's house, so I had to fish around for a quick project until I can retrieve them tomorrow night. I found a bag of Julia yarn that Kristin Nicholas gave me when I was up at the farm taking pictures for last year's article. (I do have to write K...it's been much too long.)

She gave me the yarn for socks but I decided to make the fingerless mitts from her book, Kristin Knits. This is a great quick project and I desperately despise gloves and mittens. I need to feel my fingers grip the steering wheel, as it were.

I haven't added the embroidery yet--there are two flowers with stems--but I shall, after the other mitt is finished. Julia is distributed by Nashua Handknits of Westminster Fibers and I love this yarn, have used it twice now. Check out the colors. They're all Kristin.

One of these days, I'm going to make those Fair Isle embroidered socks of hers that were in VK back in 2006. I have the issue.

Aran Go Bragh

Yeah, working on Jerry's Aran sweater design, which was part of his Christmas present, an IOU. Right now, I'm charting out the stitch patterns on Knit Visualizer. I've decided to use Dale Falk in a medium blue, to make a lighter weight sweater. This will allow me to use more complex patterns, too. I've got a very nice Celtic braided central panel in mind, which I'm about to chart.

My first sweater was an Aran. Don't ask. I was fearless at 18. Still am, I guess.

So the question of the day is: What's the difference between a braid and a plait in Aran knitting? There is a difference, albeit slight. Those of you who are Aran aficionados will know the answer to this question.

OK, it's almost time to shower my bod and watch CSI. I'm so bummed out that William Petersen is leaving the series. I've loved him since "Manhunter." He's a rare and handy actor, that one.

Jingle Bell-o-rama

2008-12-24T09:55:00.005-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.--Stephen Fry

I was just thinking the other day about the incredible Christmases I had as a child.

Picture this: Grandparents, who buy all of your toys at FAO Schwarz, show up on Christmas Day with an endless parade of presents. A veritable plethora of packages. My brother Rich and I had combed through the the FAO catalog (which my mother always tried to hide from us, quite unsuccessfully) and made up our equally endless lists for Santa.

You know, my dears, that Santa did all of his finest work at FAO.

However, our toy language consisted of Mattel, Remco, Marx, Topper, Kenner, Ideal, Wham-O. These companies were the gold standard, although I never quite caught the major disconnect between them and Santa's workshop.

My greatest desire when I was 8, was the Remco Firebird dashboard. No, not dolls. Not little teasets. No girly shit. I wanted that fucking dashboard so badly that I would have sold my little 2nd grade soul for it.

Yes, it is the 1958 Firebird 99. It had an ignition key, the horn beeped and the wiper blades worked, ran on batteries.

So on Christmas Day, 1958, I became the proud owner of my first car, as it were. I loved that toy more than anything else I got, which is why I remember it so well. I don't recall experiencing that kind of want again.

And yes, I did own a Daisy Air Rifle, which I also got when I was 8, either for my birthday or for Christmas. God knows why, because my mother was ever the proponent of that fine maxim, "You'll show your eye out." Somehow, I think Daddy may have overridden her vote on that one.

Rich, of course, loved monsters. I'm almost sure he owned the Great Garloo. I'll have to ask him tomorrow.

This toy orgy occurred well before my sister was born in 1962, although I think she does remember some of the Oma and Opa largesse.

These days, I think that the Schacht Ladybug comes close to the Firebird dashboard, in a way. But no adult emotion equals the pure greed of an 8-year-old toy-hungry child with a rapacious appetite.

Do you remember a toy that you wanted so badly you would have eaten dirt to get it? Dirt with worms, of course.

Tomorrow, when we all get together--Rich, Mom, Karen, and me--I know the talk will turn to those magical Christmases. Only we can relate to those times. However, I know Jenn will recall her drool fest over the remote-controlled R2D2. She was nine years old when it came out in 1978 and she wanted that as I had wanted my Firebird.

Did she get it? You bet. Even though Mommy and Daddy had to drive all over fucking New Jersey to find one, since it was the hot toy that year.

It's time for me to get my act together, finish wrapping presents, and then scurry down to North Arlington, NJ to spend Christmas Eve at Jerry's sister Pat's house. Tomorrow, we'll head up to Wharton for Christmas dinner with my family. This will be Jerry's first time meeting them. I'm sure he'll be just fine. He can more than hold his own with anyone, especially me. I've finally found my match.

May you all have a wonderful Christmas or Hannukah, Winter Solstice, Kwaanza, or whatever the fuck you celebrate. No matter what, this is the rarest and handiest season I know, if you make it that way. I just wish the weather would make up its mind. I've had it with snow--ya know what I mean?

Let's Play Shoe Toss!

2008-12-15T20:27:00.002-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day
On Christmas day you can't get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore,
There's time to cheat him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four--Tom Lehrer

I'm not that cynical. But it seems to me that lately, we're all getting fucked over.

However, I almost wet my panties when I saw Junior duck the shoes. Here's my brilliant thought, something that would be most enjoyable to see for the holidays.

How about getting a shitload of people together, have them bring a pair of their old stinkin' sneakers to the White House, and just lob 'em over the fence? Can you imagine thousands of old shoes on the White House lawn? If that isn't a great parting shot, I don't know what is.

Road trip to DC, anyone? Or shall we wait until the Bush Presidential Port-a-Potty opens in Dallas, since I have realized that a Presidential library must contain books. And that ain't happening with the soon-to-be Dallas Dope.

Evening Quickie Entry
A bit tired tonight--did 8 hours straight at work today so I could get my ass out of there at 4. But I'm still loving it.

Besides spending a bit of time on the phone with Jerry tonight, I managed to eat dinner and knit a few rows on the cardigan. I've sent Jer the URL for this blog. He's already got my number so I doubt he'll be terribly shocked. So be kind to him, if he decides to comment. It's frightening how much alike we are. He'll say the same thing.

I've been scraping the bottom of the barrel moneywise the past few weeks but I think that once the cash starts rolling in, besides stowing a lot of it in the bank, I may get around to buying that Schacht Ladybug. And if not that, I certainly need a new ball winder. I've been ruminating on whether to buy the Nancy's KnitKnacks or Strauch winder. Anyone have a thought on which is better? I have always been happy with the products I've bought from each company but I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Baby Jesus Town
So Scrappy and I took off yesterday for Bethlehem, PA, to go to the Christmas Market. What a blast we had, along with the two nephews, Nick and Alex, who managed not to become excessively bored with their mother and Auntie Marilyn's doings.

If you live in the area, it's worth the trip. Real German Christmas shit. Karen and I were doing our pidgin German routine, which would probably make real Germans vomit. Ja, es schmecht sehr gut! I bought an Advent calendar. A bit late but what the fuck. And we OD'd on potato pancakes and applesauce, too.

And doesn't Karen find a booth run by a woman who was sitting and knitting. She grabs me, drags me into the booth, and the knitter and I had a long chat. She was knitting a hat for felting and we started talking about spinning, something she'd like to do. I gave her the Interweave URL and told her to check out Spin-Off.

And there was a vendor there selling some yarn. I wasn't going for it. Too much like Candide. Anyone remember Candide? The Brillo yarn that makes Philosopher's Wool seem like cashmere?

So, this is really a quick entry. I did have a question to pose for Open Mic Thursday but in my senility, have forgotten what the fuck I wanted to ask. It'll come back to me, I suppose. In the meanwhile, that rare and handy cat, the Divine Miss Cleo, is snoring on the bed. So I'm joining her now.

Whew! Thank you Jeezus!

2008-12-10T21:18:00.001-05:00

Best Quote I Heard All Day

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. --Jane Austen

Well, yeah. It helps. And so does the new job, with the large salary and the kind of tech writing I love to do. To quote Loopy, "Yay puppies!"

I've gotten back into the swing of work things. I have to say that I am thrilled to have dumped that hideous Slovenian House of Horrors company. Now that I'm working as a consultant for a truly decent company, it's little wonder that I rather fell apart.

I'm good now. Fucking good. I love the new job. And...I have a new partner in crime, a wonderful man who's loving, funny, attentive, and a total piece of work. Jeremiah, aka Jerry. He's my Irish God. We've been seeing each other for a while now--it actually began in September but really got going a month ago. Heh. Suddenly, everything fell into place.

So don't worry. I'm actually feeling better than I have in eons. And if you really need to know what I'm up to, I've finally gotten up to speed on Facebook, which I find is a quick and easy way to let my friends and family know where I'm at. I think I'm going to upload my Rhinebeck pictures there. For some reason, I've not had any interest in going on Ravelry. Partly because I had been so busy and partly because I'd rather spend my free time actually knitting rather than fucking around online.

Obligatory Knitting Shit

Yeah, I've been doing it. No, not that "it." Well, maybe. "It" can mean whatever. I've been making some decent progress on the Mari Dembrow Cables and Twists cardigan. Finished the back, working on the left front.

I like Dembrow's designs. They're interesting classics and nicely shaped. Mammy turned me onto this one from Yarn Barn's catalog, so I decided to bite. As it turned out, Loop had bought the same pattern awhile back. I charted the cables on KnitVisualizer.

Pawing through my bookcases, I found Dembrow's book, Better Sweaters, which was first published back in 1986. It's a useful little book, well written with a sense of humor. Not that you may need another how-to book, but if you come across it, add it to your library.

There's something to be said about Dembrow's method of knitting somewhat tighter than normal. I find that I like it. Her cabled designs are all gauged for tighter work. On this cardigan, I hit her gauge for the worsted weight on #5s. This gives the cables even better definition but does not make the fabric board-like.

My next project was going to be the Gansey shawl. It may still be, although I'm tempted to design Jerry an Aran, despite the stoopid boyfriend crap. (Although that did happen to me years ago, when I designed a gansey for the Nasty German and he dumped me before I had a chance to give it to him.) Whether it's the shawl or the Aran, I'm going to tighten up the gauge a la Dembrow.

Presents for the Knitting Me

Well, I already got Franklin's book at Rhinebeck. Did you know that all the Wolvies are in the book? What a fabulous tribute! You'll find each of our names in the book. Mine is a bit tricky, so see if you can find it. I gave a copy to my mother, who loved it and laughed her ass off. I can't wait to see his next book. Snap it up, boy.

One of my favorite Christmas knitting presents was the bunch of stitch markers that Scrappy gave me two years ago. I use them all the time. There's something nice about having quasi-jewelry hanging from your needles.

What I'd really like Santa to bring this year is the Schacht Ladybug. But that ain't happening.

Scroogette

Not really. I adore Christmas, always have and always will. But I have this dinky little artificial tree on my coffeetable and that's the best I can do this year. This sucks big time. I want a damned big honking real tree. But that will be remedied.

I'm going back to Jersey next spring. I need a larger place, plus my new job may be moving to Mt. Olive, where I used to live when Jimmy was alive. That's where I had planned to go before I got the new job. Now, it's definite. I just can't get used to Pennsyltucky. I miss my old 'hood. Besides, my friend BJ lives in the same complex where I'd like to live.

I need room for my loom, room for my dining room set, room for a damned couch in a decent-sized livingroom. Having the loom folded up in my bedroom here is a fucking pain in the ass. I'm sick of moving but maybe this will do it. I've been floating around since Jimmy died and that's almost seven years ago. It's time for this will o' the wisp to settle down. And continue her rare and handy life.