Best Quote I Heard All Day
Rage is the only quality which has kept me, or anybody I have ever studied, writing columns for newspapers.--Jimmy Breslin
I can relate to that.
There's a lot to be outraged about these days. In knitting and in other things.
Why Blog?
Why, indeed? I love reading QueerJoe's blog. I read it as regularly as I can. Joe is one of the few blogwriters I enjoy consistently. And in his entry for Tuesday, he gave some very salient advice to would-be bloggers. I agreed with it all.
I never intended my blog to be a knitting journal, an endless drone of what projects I've got in the basket, how my cat plays with my yarn, and what my children said at dinner. My intent, from the beginning, was to comment on the knitting world. If someone read it, great. If nobody read it, I'd still write it. After floating on the periphery of the knitting magazine world for many years, I had a quasi-insider's view of what really goes on. And it ain't pretty. And it ain't honest. I truly enjoy bursting the hypocritical cesspool bubble that people like the X-men and the Tiny Diva inhabit.
And in many ways, writing the blog began as grief therapy. My late husband Jimmy was always supportive of my writing. Starting the blog 6 months after his death made me jump-start the rest of my life. So there's that.
As Prisoner #0022332479A always says, it's a good thing.
If the Foo Shits
I've always loved that joke. But joke aside, we've been having a pretty good discussion in the Comments about fit, altering, and so on. So I was amused to read the blocking thread on Knit U, wherein someone says that blocking hides a multitude of sins.
Um, no. It doesn't. That's not the purpose of blocking. Blocking will not make a too-small garment fit. Especially if it was knit in acrylic or a blend. But I would expect that any number of KnitDweebs regularly block their Red Heart Adult Surprise Jackets.
Even worse, a KnitU denizen's solution to the blocking problem (a non-problem if ever I heard of one) is to take the garment to the dry cleaners and have them block it for you. Now that's fucking brilliant. Let them steam-press the bejesus out of a cabled sweater and then wonder why it looks like shit.
I don't mind taking my suede skirt and jacket to the cleaners. And my Jones of New York "interview" suits. Otherwise, handwashing is the name of the game. And blocking wires and a cold-water mist do the trick for me for most everything except Fair Isles. Then it's off to the wooly board.
Right-handed v. left-handed knitting is rearing its stupid head again. It's almost spring, so could we be in store for a plethora of posts about knitting on planes?
You bet. And Peeps. And copyright. And all the other snoringly stale topics that are the fabric of the lists.
Knitting Directions, Programming Code, Ig-pay Atin-lay, German
As far as I'm concerned, I write the first very well and speak the last two badly. And after 3 days of intensive training at work in SQL (that's Structured Query Language, for you non-tech people, and it's used to get crap from databases) and a soupcon of XML, I'm realizing that writing programming code and writing knitting directions really use the same side of the brain. Which is to say, the side that controls learning a new language and being OCD-precise.
Knitting directions are programming code; there's no doubt about that. And database designers certainly use data flow charts to map out their designs, as knitters use charts for theirs. So I'm beginning to understand why I would make a good programmer, even at almost 54. I love writing directions. I got my rocks off totally learning the little bit of SQL that I was taught.
I used to think that good knitters were really also good engineers. I still do. And there's a creativity in writing programming code, an elegance, as it were, that I find in writing good solid knitting directions.
However, I won't be writing the code for online shopping carts in the near future.
That would be way too rare and handy. And dangerous.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Sunday, March 07, 2004
Best Quote I Heard All Day
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.--Oscar Wilde
Knitted sweatpants.
In Lion Brand Homespun. There you are. A true fashion lowpoint.
Perfect for exercising to "Sweating with the Oldies."
The Good, the Bad, and the Unalterable
Sunday morning and it's almost spring. Almost. At least in this hemisphere, with a nod to my friends from Oz. Time to talk about change or inability to do so.
Carol asked me to expand on what makes for an unalterable garment, and so I shall.
Here's Theory #1: Anything can be altered.
Here's the corollary to Theory #1: If you believe that Theory #1 is true, you will produce a piece of shit probably 50% of the time, with a +/- factor of 5. If you don't mind an out-of-kilter design motif in your sweater, you may stop reading here.
Here's my theory: The larger the motif--be it Fair Isle, lace, intarsia, raised stitch, what-have-you--the more difficult it will be to alter the garment IF you wish to retain the integrity of the original design. This is true particularly when applied to length, not width.
[Now come the boring bits, she says sotto voce] Let me use the Scottish Designer Whose Name May Never Be Mentioned In Public For Fear of Litigation as a good example of a designer of unalterable garments, since I am presently working her Queen Anne's Lace. If you have the book, turn to the chart. If not, humor me and read on.
The main motif for QAL, which is symmetrical, is a whopping 44 stitches wide. With a gauge of 7 sts = 1”, this means that each motif is about 6” wide. Not a lot of room in which to decrease or increase the size, unless you are willing to cut the motif in half. In fact, the motif is a diamond placed within a square, not unlike a quilt square. However, no matter how you slice and dice the motif, you will ruin the symmetry of the design if you narrow or enlarge the garment by less than the full 44 stitches.
This matters only for the body. Once you get to the armholes, decreasing the motif by small amounts for shaping purposes works. Why? Because the eye of the beholder is not looking at your armholes. The eye is looking at the center of the garment.
Length is the true problem in altering a garment with large-area motifs. The QAL motif is 44 rows high. Since the motif is symmetrical, I can conceivably dispense with 22 of those rows and begin at the center of the diamond, if I must shorten the length of the sweater or the sleeve length. This works to a point. The row gauge is 10 rows = 1” (at least, I think that's what it was--the book is in the office, of course). This means that in order to keep the symmetry of the design, I am limited to little more than 2 inches that I can dispense with. If the sleeve schematic is 19” long but I need to make it 17” long, I may be OK.
You can crunch the numbers by working the ribbing shorter or longer to make up for the lack of room in the motif, sometimes. If there is little or no welting at the bottom of the body or sleeves, I may be screwed. Sometimes the sweater design is such that you have no room at all to fudge. And you wonder why designers only offer a pattern in two sizes? This is why. Because their design concept will only work in a size small and a size XL, due to the size of their motif.
Some years ago at Stitches East, I saw the perfect example of an unalterable sweater, designed by a knitter from New Hampshire who is well-known in New England for her folk-art type designs. The sweater consisted of about 8 individual bands of Fair Isle, each roughly 3.5” in depth. Each band contained a different background color, and progressed from the beginning to the end of the rainbow. I don’t recall how the sleeves were handled—I think they were solid or striped. I’ve seen Philosophers Wool sweaters with similar design issues, come to think of it.
Lengthwise, it was unalterable. I didn’t like the length, too long. And I knew immediately that there was no way I could just knock off a band and maintain the design flow.
So now you know. It’s really just commonsense. The bigger they come, the harder they fall.
This also is why my Rainbow Peeries design, which I’m working on now, consists of reasonably sized motifs so the resulting sweater can be offered in a variety of sizes. When you design, it’s always nice to plan ahead. And to remember that if you wish to publish your design, you need to place your users’ needs first.
Blasphemous Activities
It’s true. I don’t just knit, although that’s mostly what I do because I love it the best. However, I also love to embroider, to spin (the mounds of merino-silk-angora in my spinning basket never seem to melt), and yes, even to quilt.
Here’s what I don’t do: needlepoint and tatting. Everything else is fair game, if I’ve a mind to it. And frankly, sometimes I get tired of knitting and need to refresh my palate, as it were. If I weren’t afraid that I’d collect fabric like I do yarn and if I had the time, I’d certainly do more quilting. I have my eye on a Civil War-era quilt design kit offered by Keepsake Quilting.
My belief is that any needlework technique you can learn will only serve to improve your knitting. It’s the mental brainworking involved, I think. Or right-brain, left-brain crap. I dunno. All I know is, with me it’s a fiber-and-dexterity thing. Perhaps I’m trying to prove my grade-school teachers wrong when they told me I was sloppy and my handwriting stunk because I was left-handed and lefthanders are the spawn of Satan. Read into that what you will. My attitude was, fuck you, I can do it.
I’m sure many of you read Piecework magazine, which is published by Interweave. If not, you should give it a try. Yes, it has knitting in it (Nancy Bush is a frequent contributor), but more important, its true value is its historical needlework information and re-creation projects. Pick up a copy—there’s interesting work done out there by needle artists. This issue has a picture of Ground Zero, a quilt made of pictures of 9/11 victims transferred to fabric. Splendiferous.
Plant a Bush or a Shrub
(With apologies to Ladybird Johnson, who’s still alive and doing well.) Anyway, my tirade against the PseudoPresident will continue unabated until Election Day. Thanks to Audrey for this link—you can go here to sign a petition against the Federal Marriage Amendment. Also, don’t forget Carol’s T-shirts.
Time to get rolling, lots to do. Today is my brother Rich’s 50th birthday. My bestest and only brother, fellow Yankee fan, and companion of my childhood. Both of my sibs are rare and handy. And younger. Heh.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.--Oscar Wilde
Knitted sweatpants.
In Lion Brand Homespun. There you are. A true fashion lowpoint.
Perfect for exercising to "Sweating with the Oldies."
The Good, the Bad, and the Unalterable
Sunday morning and it's almost spring. Almost. At least in this hemisphere, with a nod to my friends from Oz. Time to talk about change or inability to do so.
Carol asked me to expand on what makes for an unalterable garment, and so I shall.
Here's Theory #1: Anything can be altered.
Here's the corollary to Theory #1: If you believe that Theory #1 is true, you will produce a piece of shit probably 50% of the time, with a +/- factor of 5. If you don't mind an out-of-kilter design motif in your sweater, you may stop reading here.
Here's my theory: The larger the motif--be it Fair Isle, lace, intarsia, raised stitch, what-have-you--the more difficult it will be to alter the garment IF you wish to retain the integrity of the original design. This is true particularly when applied to length, not width.
[Now come the boring bits, she says sotto voce] Let me use the Scottish Designer Whose Name May Never Be Mentioned In Public For Fear of Litigation as a good example of a designer of unalterable garments, since I am presently working her Queen Anne's Lace. If you have the book, turn to the chart. If not, humor me and read on.
The main motif for QAL, which is symmetrical, is a whopping 44 stitches wide. With a gauge of 7 sts = 1”, this means that each motif is about 6” wide. Not a lot of room in which to decrease or increase the size, unless you are willing to cut the motif in half. In fact, the motif is a diamond placed within a square, not unlike a quilt square. However, no matter how you slice and dice the motif, you will ruin the symmetry of the design if you narrow or enlarge the garment by less than the full 44 stitches.
This matters only for the body. Once you get to the armholes, decreasing the motif by small amounts for shaping purposes works. Why? Because the eye of the beholder is not looking at your armholes. The eye is looking at the center of the garment.
Length is the true problem in altering a garment with large-area motifs. The QAL motif is 44 rows high. Since the motif is symmetrical, I can conceivably dispense with 22 of those rows and begin at the center of the diamond, if I must shorten the length of the sweater or the sleeve length. This works to a point. The row gauge is 10 rows = 1” (at least, I think that's what it was--the book is in the office, of course). This means that in order to keep the symmetry of the design, I am limited to little more than 2 inches that I can dispense with. If the sleeve schematic is 19” long but I need to make it 17” long, I may be OK.
You can crunch the numbers by working the ribbing shorter or longer to make up for the lack of room in the motif, sometimes. If there is little or no welting at the bottom of the body or sleeves, I may be screwed. Sometimes the sweater design is such that you have no room at all to fudge. And you wonder why designers only offer a pattern in two sizes? This is why. Because their design concept will only work in a size small and a size XL, due to the size of their motif.
Some years ago at Stitches East, I saw the perfect example of an unalterable sweater, designed by a knitter from New Hampshire who is well-known in New England for her folk-art type designs. The sweater consisted of about 8 individual bands of Fair Isle, each roughly 3.5” in depth. Each band contained a different background color, and progressed from the beginning to the end of the rainbow. I don’t recall how the sleeves were handled—I think they were solid or striped. I’ve seen Philosophers Wool sweaters with similar design issues, come to think of it.
Lengthwise, it was unalterable. I didn’t like the length, too long. And I knew immediately that there was no way I could just knock off a band and maintain the design flow.
So now you know. It’s really just commonsense. The bigger they come, the harder they fall.
This also is why my Rainbow Peeries design, which I’m working on now, consists of reasonably sized motifs so the resulting sweater can be offered in a variety of sizes. When you design, it’s always nice to plan ahead. And to remember that if you wish to publish your design, you need to place your users’ needs first.
Blasphemous Activities
It’s true. I don’t just knit, although that’s mostly what I do because I love it the best. However, I also love to embroider, to spin (the mounds of merino-silk-angora in my spinning basket never seem to melt), and yes, even to quilt.
Here’s what I don’t do: needlepoint and tatting. Everything else is fair game, if I’ve a mind to it. And frankly, sometimes I get tired of knitting and need to refresh my palate, as it were. If I weren’t afraid that I’d collect fabric like I do yarn and if I had the time, I’d certainly do more quilting. I have my eye on a Civil War-era quilt design kit offered by Keepsake Quilting.
My belief is that any needlework technique you can learn will only serve to improve your knitting. It’s the mental brainworking involved, I think. Or right-brain, left-brain crap. I dunno. All I know is, with me it’s a fiber-and-dexterity thing. Perhaps I’m trying to prove my grade-school teachers wrong when they told me I was sloppy and my handwriting stunk because I was left-handed and lefthanders are the spawn of Satan. Read into that what you will. My attitude was, fuck you, I can do it.
I’m sure many of you read Piecework magazine, which is published by Interweave. If not, you should give it a try. Yes, it has knitting in it (Nancy Bush is a frequent contributor), but more important, its true value is its historical needlework information and re-creation projects. Pick up a copy—there’s interesting work done out there by needle artists. This issue has a picture of Ground Zero, a quilt made of pictures of 9/11 victims transferred to fabric. Splendiferous.
Plant a Bush or a Shrub
(With apologies to Ladybird Johnson, who’s still alive and doing well.) Anyway, my tirade against the PseudoPresident will continue unabated until Election Day. Thanks to Audrey for this link—you can go here to sign a petition against the Federal Marriage Amendment. Also, don’t forget Carol’s T-shirts.
Time to get rolling, lots to do. Today is my brother Rich’s 50th birthday. My bestest and only brother, fellow Yankee fan, and companion of my childhood. Both of my sibs are rare and handy. And younger. Heh.
Monday, March 01, 2004
Best Quote I Heard All Day
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.--Steven Wright
Spent yesterday in Atlantic City with my friend AnnMarie and her husband Jim, and of course, Johnny. Hence the somewhat late posting.
All I know is, the lights and noise at the casino are guaranteed to cause total psychosis within 4 hours.
I went to the bar, had a margherita, and knit. So I'm still sane. But down $40.
Up In Arms
The discussion about set-in sleeves, drop-shoulders, etc. in last week's comments got me thinking about what myths have been perpetrated onto the new, hip, chic, beginning knitters.
The myths being that you don't have to know shit to make a neat garment and that you can knit something really cool really fast.
Lies, all lies. Fit is everything. And time is most certainly not of the essence. As my friend Pat always says, "If you want something in the worst way, that's probably how you'll get it."
That's why it's important to learn how to build a garment from scratch. I will admit to using computer software to do my calculations for set-in and raglan sleeves but you know what, gang? IF you plan on creating a garment that's more than just stockinette, those programs won't help you. You can't just take the sweater pattern the software spits out and then plug in any old stitch pattern. Because if you don't understand what effect the stitch pattern will have on your gauge, if you don't understand that decreasing in lace is tricky and you don't plan for it ahead of time, if you don't work out all the details first, that sweater design program ain't gonna do you a bit of good.
Calculating armscye decreases is basic arithmetic and a little geometry. There are lots of books out there that will teach you how to figure those decreases out, as well as the decreases for necklines. And sleeve caps. This is the woman who was tutored through high school algebra. Jesus, if I can learn, the KnitDweebs can learn.
Not rocket science, is it?
If anyone who is a beginner wants to learn how to do this, e-mail me and I will be happy to recommend books. Or read last week's comments.
Reading the Lists
At this point, my best effort at reading all these digests is a quick scan. Funny, on one of the better lists lately, there has been a bit of moaning about why the other lists are so boring, stupid, and "why can't there be more intelligent discussions."
My rule of thumb with mailing lists is that more than 10 people on a list immediately dooms it for stupifaction. It's the Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives as applied to any mailing list. If you add the 10th person, the list will go right down the tubes. And I include the above cited list as one hit by Finagle's Law. It also gets bogged down with stupid, mindless threads. I honestly feel that the discussions we have had in the Comments somehow have managed to avoid the fatal flaw of numbing repetition. I have no idea why this is.
Perhaps people are afraid that I'll toss them out on their ass if they say something stupid. So far, I have banned two people, in the time that I've been writing this blog. I don't mind sacking someone for any class of inanity. Of course, if I ran the KnitList, I'd have to toss about 4900 people in one fell swoop. And KnitU would be left with 2 or 3. Socknitters would be decimated.
Going Political
As you know, if you have read my blog for any amount of time, I do not discuss politics as a rule. However. I will make an exception now.
And that exception is the issue of gay marriage. I was completely outraged at President Bush's audacity to even suggest that the Constitution be amended to exclude gay couples from marrying. I will do all that is within my power to keep this asshole from being re-elected and I will use whatever means I have personally to make sure that he and his rabid old white male buddies in Washington don't see the light of the Lincoln Memorial again after November.
Do I believe that gays should marry? Yes, I do. I believe that any two people who have the love and the willingness to commit to each other should enjoy that right that straights have always had--to be a family unit. Civil union is fine as far as it goes but to pledge your love and commitment publicly goes further than just a civil union. The marriage ceremony, whether you are Christian, Wiccan, Moslem or Buddhist, is a spiritual joining and is the right of anyone who cares deeply about their partner.
You can agree or disagree with me. It doesn't matter. When there's discrimination, I fight back. This issue is bigger than just straight or gay. It is an issue of basic human rights as promised by our Declaration of Independence. Period. Don't let a bunch of self-serving, holier-than-thou prigs in Washington take our rights away.
Carol Sulcoski, our very own Carol S., has set up a CafePress site with a nifty T-shirt you can buy if you're against marriage discrimination. Check it out.
The Old Obligatory Knitting Crap
So I've managed to get the back, one sleeve, and 4 inches of the front done on the Lavold Ran tunic. You'd think that by the time I got to the front cabled band, I'd whiz right through it. Nah.
I had to rip out twice. This is not for the faint of heart. But the worst is over and I'm on the downhill slope speeding towards the finish. Once the Ran is done, I plan on starting my Rainbow Peerie Fair Isle pullover, hopefully get it finished before Stitches East next October, and be able to flog the pattern offa da blog. Still working on the Forest Path Stole and the AS Queen Anne's Lace on and off but I need to plan my time accordingly.
Of course, I may be unemployed this summer. And to tell you the truth, if my package is decent, I wouldn't mind looking for a job while I hang out at the lake with Elly, knitting. That's a very appealing thought. In the meanwhile, I have to get my Crystal Report designing and SQL totally under my belt so I'm eminently employable.
Sheesh, yet another career change. I'm getting tired of being professionally rare and handy. Next month I'll be 54. Hard to believe, since I am totally convinced that I'm 20 years younger.
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.--Steven Wright
Spent yesterday in Atlantic City with my friend AnnMarie and her husband Jim, and of course, Johnny. Hence the somewhat late posting.
All I know is, the lights and noise at the casino are guaranteed to cause total psychosis within 4 hours.
I went to the bar, had a margherita, and knit. So I'm still sane. But down $40.
Up In Arms
The discussion about set-in sleeves, drop-shoulders, etc. in last week's comments got me thinking about what myths have been perpetrated onto the new, hip, chic, beginning knitters.
The myths being that you don't have to know shit to make a neat garment and that you can knit something really cool really fast.
Lies, all lies. Fit is everything. And time is most certainly not of the essence. As my friend Pat always says, "If you want something in the worst way, that's probably how you'll get it."
That's why it's important to learn how to build a garment from scratch. I will admit to using computer software to do my calculations for set-in and raglan sleeves but you know what, gang? IF you plan on creating a garment that's more than just stockinette, those programs won't help you. You can't just take the sweater pattern the software spits out and then plug in any old stitch pattern. Because if you don't understand what effect the stitch pattern will have on your gauge, if you don't understand that decreasing in lace is tricky and you don't plan for it ahead of time, if you don't work out all the details first, that sweater design program ain't gonna do you a bit of good.
Calculating armscye decreases is basic arithmetic and a little geometry. There are lots of books out there that will teach you how to figure those decreases out, as well as the decreases for necklines. And sleeve caps. This is the woman who was tutored through high school algebra. Jesus, if I can learn, the KnitDweebs can learn.
Not rocket science, is it?
If anyone who is a beginner wants to learn how to do this, e-mail me and I will be happy to recommend books. Or read last week's comments.
Reading the Lists
At this point, my best effort at reading all these digests is a quick scan. Funny, on one of the better lists lately, there has been a bit of moaning about why the other lists are so boring, stupid, and "why can't there be more intelligent discussions."
My rule of thumb with mailing lists is that more than 10 people on a list immediately dooms it for stupifaction. It's the Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives as applied to any mailing list. If you add the 10th person, the list will go right down the tubes. And I include the above cited list as one hit by Finagle's Law. It also gets bogged down with stupid, mindless threads. I honestly feel that the discussions we have had in the Comments somehow have managed to avoid the fatal flaw of numbing repetition. I have no idea why this is.
Perhaps people are afraid that I'll toss them out on their ass if they say something stupid. So far, I have banned two people, in the time that I've been writing this blog. I don't mind sacking someone for any class of inanity. Of course, if I ran the KnitList, I'd have to toss about 4900 people in one fell swoop. And KnitU would be left with 2 or 3. Socknitters would be decimated.
Going Political
As you know, if you have read my blog for any amount of time, I do not discuss politics as a rule. However. I will make an exception now.
And that exception is the issue of gay marriage. I was completely outraged at President Bush's audacity to even suggest that the Constitution be amended to exclude gay couples from marrying. I will do all that is within my power to keep this asshole from being re-elected and I will use whatever means I have personally to make sure that he and his rabid old white male buddies in Washington don't see the light of the Lincoln Memorial again after November.
Do I believe that gays should marry? Yes, I do. I believe that any two people who have the love and the willingness to commit to each other should enjoy that right that straights have always had--to be a family unit. Civil union is fine as far as it goes but to pledge your love and commitment publicly goes further than just a civil union. The marriage ceremony, whether you are Christian, Wiccan, Moslem or Buddhist, is a spiritual joining and is the right of anyone who cares deeply about their partner.
You can agree or disagree with me. It doesn't matter. When there's discrimination, I fight back. This issue is bigger than just straight or gay. It is an issue of basic human rights as promised by our Declaration of Independence. Period. Don't let a bunch of self-serving, holier-than-thou prigs in Washington take our rights away.
Carol Sulcoski, our very own Carol S., has set up a CafePress site with a nifty T-shirt you can buy if you're against marriage discrimination. Check it out.
The Old Obligatory Knitting Crap
So I've managed to get the back, one sleeve, and 4 inches of the front done on the Lavold Ran tunic. You'd think that by the time I got to the front cabled band, I'd whiz right through it. Nah.
I had to rip out twice. This is not for the faint of heart. But the worst is over and I'm on the downhill slope speeding towards the finish. Once the Ran is done, I plan on starting my Rainbow Peerie Fair Isle pullover, hopefully get it finished before Stitches East next October, and be able to flog the pattern offa da blog. Still working on the Forest Path Stole and the AS Queen Anne's Lace on and off but I need to plan my time accordingly.
Of course, I may be unemployed this summer. And to tell you the truth, if my package is decent, I wouldn't mind looking for a job while I hang out at the lake with Elly, knitting. That's a very appealing thought. In the meanwhile, I have to get my Crystal Report designing and SQL totally under my belt so I'm eminently employable.
Sheesh, yet another career change. I'm getting tired of being professionally rare and handy. Next month I'll be 54. Hard to believe, since I am totally convinced that I'm 20 years younger.
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