Yoo hoo! To all my adoring fans, I just want to say that I’ve had quite enough of this bitch Marilyn Roberts making fun of me and calling me the Tiny Diva—of course, what would you expect from a woman who lives in New Jersey? I may be short of stature but I’m sure big on ME, and I live in Manhattan. When you’ve got talent, you shouldn’t let anyone hold you back. And remember, any publicity is good publicity.

I had one of my dear, dear, dear fans who’s a HYUK techie (and Julie, you KNOW who you are! Kisses to you, so sorry I didn’t have the time to chat at my last Reversible Garter Stitch seminar) fix it so I could take over her hated blog and just let you ALL know what a great time I’m having here in Irkutsk, teaching these darling little women how to make quick-crochet babushkas for those long Siberian summers. And of course, sitting here by Lake Baikal with a hot cup of Russian tea does wonders for one’s complexion! Dashing around the streets of Irkutsk City, waving to all the natives, such fun! I sure can recommend the local yarn—bring plenty of rubles, dear ones.

Jetting back to the States shortly so I can make some of my wonderful TV appearances that I’m sure you won’t want to miss—here’s a list of just a few (my goodness, I just can’t seem to make EVERYONE happy, wish I could be in 20 places at once!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Don’t forget to stay up really, really late or get up really, really early!

::April 12 5:30 a.m. Akron, OH Ch. 21 Public Access: Akron in the Morning: I’ll be teaching the anchor guy how to knit—isn’t that cool???!!!!

::April 20 1:24 a.m. Interferon, PA Ch. 54: Scrumbling with Sarah—I love to work with people who are kind of unsophisticated, you know?

::April 25 6:30 a.m. Watchyertoochee, OK, Ch. 3: Native American News Hour—Crocheted Bikini Tops in 2 minutes. Just the right funky thing to wear on the reservation!!!

And don’t forget, my new book will be out just in time for Stitches East—buy your advance copies now, so I’ll have lots of money to go yarn shopping with when I jet off to the Aleutian Islands next month. I’m not going to tell you what it’s about because I know you’ll buy tons of copies anyway but I will let you in on a little secret…on the cover, I’m dressed up like Barbie, wearing a costume I knitted myself out of Fun Fur and it’s (you guessed it!) PINK!!!!!!!!!! Whee!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s about all I have time for…gotta run. Marc Jacobs just called to see if I’d clean the bathrooms at his atelier. Anything for Marc! Just kidding, he’s asked me if I’d knit up a few savory swatches in my favorite pink yarn that he can use for design ideas. That Marc, he tries soooo hard and I really think that he’s picked up quite a few pointers from me.

Love you all! Kisskisskisskisskiss!!!!!! Don’t forget, buy the book. Oh yes, I forgot. It’s called “Fabulous Fast Fashions for the Fabulous Fashion You.” There’s no design that takes more than 10 minutes to create. Isn’t that fabulous? Aren’t I?