Monday, September 30, 2002

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

For the physicist in all of us...

And How Was Your Weekend, Marilyn?
The song that my friends were singing today. Just fabulous. And to quote the person with whom I shared it: "Just two words. Shut. Up."

Didn't The Crystals sing "He's So Fine"?

Enough said.

Overheard in the Coffee Room at The Chubb Institute at 3 p.m.
Warren, my Apps developer and adopted son
John, Apps Project Leader and well-known IT curmudgeon
Me, drinking my 12th cup of Columbian Supremo

The Joke:
Warren: Hey Mar, know what I did this weekend?
Me (totally unaware of set-up): God, who knows? Drank a quart of vodka? What?
Warren: I cleaned out my closet.
Me: Big fucking deal. And?
John (sotto voce): God knows what he found.
Warren: I found moth balls. Know what moth balls smell like?
Me: Of course, idiot.
Warren: How'd you get their tiny legs apart?

Well, I thought it was funny, after I cleaned up the ensuing coffee spew that took the fast track from my mouth.

You Know He Gets You If:
You're sitting on his couch knitting a sock and he's reading the manual to his new Yamaha bike and he looks up at you and says, "Shut up. I'm counting."

Knitty Up and Running
Read it. Knit it. Support Amy. Because I said so. And because it has a "Take no prisoners" attitude. And because Knitter's stinks.

Hand Jive
In short, surgery for ulnar neuropathy on October 10. Left arm totally immobilized in some sort of Spanish Inquisition splint for 2 weeks. No knitting, no driving, no working, no computing. Then 2 more weeks of recouping by wearing splint MOST of the time.

I will embroider if I can attach hoop to splint in some way. This is an engineering project of the highest order.

How rare! And how left handy!

I am so pissed. But the choices are nil and none.


Friday Five! And boy, it's been a long, long week.

1. What are your favorite ways to relax and unwind?
Knitting and listening to music and taking a bath in my whirlpool tub with scented candles lit and my Discman plugged into my head.

2. What do you do the moment you get home from work/school/errands?
Take my shoes off...and sometimes my bra.

3. What are your favorite aromatherapeutic smells?

Rose, gardenia, lavender

4. Do you feel more relaxed with a group of friends or hanging out by yourself?
Definitely with a group of friends! That's why I love to go to work, even though we bust our asses. But I enjoy being with my friends any time.

5. What is something that you feel is relaxing but most people don't?
Playing with my pet tiger .

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the
bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off.

My new credo for work...

Ah, corporate America!

OK, now I must stand up and fight for my position as possibly the crankiest knitter on the internet. In Sunday's Comments, Joan remarked that "You're getting altogether too pleasant and friendly. When I come to your page I want to see a little sarcasm, disdain, yes, curmudgeonliness. What's going on?
In love?"

Yes. BUT. I haven't lost my edge, despite what Joan may think. In fact, Achim doesn't like idiots either. And he deals with them all the time. So we make a perfect couple, OK? So bite me.

That make you happy? Good. So shut up.

A Typical Self-Serving Post from a Self-Proclaimed Knitting Diva on a Self-Indulgent Magazine's Mail List
Yoo Hoo Knitterati Glitterati!! It's moi!
Just rushing into my knit atelier to write you all after horrific hours creating fabulous knitted and crocheted samples for many famous 7th Avenue designers! Let me just drop a few names so that you are incredibly impressed with my cachet!! One of the designers I have honored with my unbelievable talents and whose designs you will see shortly on the K-Mart runways everywhere is the fabulous Kathy Lee Gifford, that doyenne of bon marche couture! If you see that little shortie housecoat with the matching metallic oversized panties, you'll know who crocheted it! Big is beautiful! (I, of course, wear a size 2 but I feel SUCH simpatico for our larger sisters!)

To answer BigTittyKnitty's question on altering the fanciful but functional hemp pasties with the 12-inch long hospital bandage tassels from my latest book, "Sox in the City and Other Tales," I can only tell you to MEASURE, MEASURE, MEASURE the circumference of that aureole!!! I can't stress that enough!!!!!! If you have more than a 6-inch circumference, I STRONGLY suggest that you add at least 300 more stitches in order to alter the pattern! And BE SURE to increase evenly!! Wish I had more time or interest to tell you how to do that, but I must RUN, RUN, RUN!!!!

I have Rosie O'Donnell coming any minute to talk about her new line of crocheted sweatpants. I KNOW she'll love the sample I knitted using a combination of duct tape and copper wire. What a hoot! And it will be just FABULOSO!!!

LCNY (I borrowed that from my dear, dear friend Donna Karan. Think she'll mind?)

Monday, September 23, 2002

Best Quote I Heard All Day
"There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action." --Johann von Goethe

How rare! And how true!

And I continue my fight for truth, justice and against the American way of not paying attention to anything half the time.

Wakey, Wakey
And so I dozed off for an hour and a half waiting for Achim to call me back. And so he did. And now I am wide awake. Blogward! (With no apologies whatsoever to Meg S.)

Alice Starmore Redux
For lo unto 2 years, this Grand Avenue vest has been festering in my tapestry knitting bag (not to be confused with the 823 other knitting bags that I own). It's about 32 rounds short of body completion. And then, of course, there is the year's worth of finishing ahead of me. Gack. But having almost completed a pair of socks and having done nothing much bigger since my left hand became 40% numb, I decided to get moving and finish the damned thing. And of course, having a circular needle row counter reminded me I was on Row 7 of the chart...except I have no idea where I am vis a vis the neck decreases.


Now I'll have to figure THAT out.

Knitting Engineering
It occurred to me at some point tonight, I don't know when, that I am terribly attracted to engineer-types. My late husband Jimmy was a fine mechanical engineer and all-around superlative logical thinker. My current interest is also an engineer. I've worked with tons of engineers during my stint as a technical writer and befriended most of them, male and female.

As a child, I was considered very creative by my family because I wrote poetry and short stories from the age of 8. But once I found knitting, I realized that it was the very symmetry, the logic, and the geometry of knitting (plus crafting something from nothing) that appealed to my right brain (or is it the left? I forget which is creative, which is logical).

There's nothing more exciting to me than working out design concepts, working out the pitfalls ahead of time, developing the directions and then writing the whole mess out. And then executing my design plan. I've learned a lot about processes and procedures from doing this. It's why I write P&P for a living and it's a direct result of my years doing directions of all sorts, from technical manuals for solenoid valves for the Navy to knitting directions to ISO stuff.

I'd druther be a knitting design engineer than almost anything.

Who says technical can't be creative? I don't believe the two are mutually exclusive at all.

And marrying texture, color, and fiber with the logic of knitting is my idea of contentment and soothes my left brain-right brain.

How handy!

Saturday, September 21, 2002

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Robodopes and KnitDweebs unite!

Latest Pet Peeves Courtesy of KnitDweebs
Why oh why cannot knitters spell the word "gauge" correctly? If I see "guage" one more time, I swear I'm going to have the offender's tiny little brain with some fava beans and a fine Chianti.

And what wid this latest thread on KnitU vis a vis corrugated ribbing that curls? Steam it, morons! It's not like regular ribbing. It doesn't pull in. It CAN be steamed. Or as Loopy suggests, "a cable cast-on with a row of knit is FAR easier than figuring out Meg's
German-Twisted-Up-Your-Ass-And-Around-Your Kneecaps cast on--which may or may not stop curling!"

Too true. And so friggin' rare!

Leaves of Grass socks
Anyone remember these lace socks that I designed for the 1997 KnitList Christmas Gifts? Well, I'm redoing them in a different yarn, since the original is discontinued and the pattern will be available on the Freebie page anon...or when I get one knitted.

Eine Kleine Nachtmusik
Lately, I seem to have stopped doing the knitting/TV watching combo altogether and now knit listening to either the stereo or the CD player. Here's what I've been knitting to lately:

The Rising, Springsteen--One of the best he's done in a long time. Although "Jersey Girl" is still one of my favorite songs, I must admit that "Lonesome Days" immediately became one song that will remain in my heart. "It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, yeah!" Comforting, that.

La Traviata--Nothing like a dying prostitute and solid Puccini.

Die Zauberflote--Because it's arguably the best opera Mozart wrote. And it's German, nicht war? Danke. Und bite me for being a Teuton.

Road Tested, Bonnie Raitt--I have listened to this CD at least a thousand times and never get tired of it. Ever.

Stevie Ray Vaughn Live at Carnegie Hall--The late SRV was the best Texas has ever offered. And with Double Trouble, he cooks live.

And then there's all the '60s and '70s stuff that I love, plus Talking Heads, Blues Traveller, Dave Matthews Band, Queen, Aerosmith now and then, The Who, now and then, Little Feat, and a plethora of other music.

But I always wanted to ask Keith Richards WTF he was saying at any given time...

How rare indeed!

How unintelligible!

Friday, September 20, 2002

This week's questions are so perfect! That's because I have a fine romance developing with Achim, the German engineer. I know, you all are tired of hearing about my Date-zillas. But this one's the real thing. Anyway, here goes this Friday's bunch...I need to reset the blog clock, cause it's almost 12:40 a.m., not 11:40. That's Friday in my book. Damn you Wee Bull, you win again! (see Weebl n Bob if you don't get that.)

1. Would you say that you're good at keeping in touch with people?
Yes, my friends are so important to me. I "talk" to Loopy almost every day via e-mail, even though I live in NJ and she lives in the Midwest. and we've been friends for how long, Loop? Since 1997, I think. Lately I've been writing and really talking live to Achim every day, because he travels a lot for work and is in Edmonton right now. I talk to my dear friend, Gail, about once a week. And to Bob (lo, Bob! He reads my blog but won't put a comment in. Chicken shit.) and Willy and Dotti and a bunch of other people that I don't see regularly but talk to/e-mail.

2. Which communication method do you usually prefer/use: e-mail, telephone, snail mail, blog comments, or meeting in person? Why?
I always prefer up close and personal. But that's not always possible, especially with my friends who live or work out of state. I'm better live, I think, and so are they. But e-mail is a close second.

3. Do you have an instant messenger program? How many? Why/why not? How often do you use it?
I have AIM, my screen name is Fiberista (if anyone wants to chat, I usually have it on in the evening when I'm working on the blog). I chat with my sister often, even though she is only 20 minutes away--saves a phone call. And I was chatting with Achim last weekend for 3 hours!!! New AIM record. I have it on every day, use it frequently.

4. Do most of your close friends live nearby or far away?
Most of them are in the NY-NJ-PA area, with the exception of Loopy and Dotti.

5. Are you an "out of sight, out of mind" person, or do you believe that "distance makes the heart grow fonder"?
Distance definitely makes the heart grow fonder!! And I never forget people, no matter near or far.

Hot Damn, The Week's Almost Over!
So I almost wrecked my car yesterday--my fault, pulled out of my parking slot at work and hit some guy. God knows where my head was at, I never saw him til the big crunchola. No serious damage to people or cars. But it took the Parsippany cops an hour to get there, so what did I do? Right. I sat in the car and knit.

This has been another busy week, with things piling up at work like flies on shit. But I've managed to keep knitting at lunch. Maybe more time to do the blog this weekend. Get hair cut on Sat. a.m., go see Mama on Sunday. Oh and go to the spine specialist tomorrow. Maybe he can do something about this herniated disk, finally. I hear traction works well. And I'm still knitting, even though my pinkie and ring finger are still numb.

How handy!

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

Best Quote I Heard All Day
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Bill Gates is living testimony to that...

Speaking of Research
Do visit my friend Jennifer Tocker's blog, Yarnaholic Confessions, and read Jen's concerns about the article on copyright in the latest issue of Cast On versus her Copyright FAQ. If you have this issue, compare it to Jen's FAQ. While I'm not sure that this qualifies as a case of out-and-out plagiarism, the article clearly lifted a hefty amount of material and formatting from the FAQ. A bit ironic, given the topic.

Having been an editor and a writer still, I find this situation quite dismaying. Any writer worth a damn knows that one source does not research make. I hope Helene Rush, the editor of Cast On, thinks twice about buying another article from this author. I know that I wouldn't. And I sure as shit would tell the author why.

Cast On has a lot of potential under Helene's editorship. Until recently, many knitters, I among them, felt that the magazine was one of the worst knitting mags around. I'd hate to see its credibility take another nose-dive.

Oh Behave, Baby!
OK, I need a divertisement, knitting-wise. Work is a mere interlude between those moments of knitting that I manage to steal. Would that I had a life! But I'm thinking that as long as I can manage only small needles, I should restart the Pacific Northwest shawl.

Now call me a dim bulb, but when I first started this last year, I decided to do it in black laceweight mohair. Dumb, dumber, dumbest. Never mind that black is the chosen non-color of the terminally hip...and never mind that I wear a lot of black because it's always appropriate whatever the social engagement. Never mind that my eyesight is so lousy, I can't remember when I didn't wear glasses. Never mind that I'm a Taurus...although what that has to do with the price of shit in Shanghai, I don't know.

Suffice it to say that black was a mistake...and led to many onerous, lacy, yarn-overed problems. Shagadelic.

But I do have some lovely cranberry laceweight merino.

If I have some peace and quiet around here, like maybe Saturday, this could be the next angst-project. I do love a good complex lace project to cleanse the knitting palate.

So it is written, so it shall be done. Maybe.

Deutschland, Deutschland, Uber Alles
Time to get my German up and running. I have 3 knitting books in German, the Uberlieferte Strickmuster aus dem steirischen Ennstal series that I bought at Stitches a million years ago. These three books are a compendia of traditional Bavarian/Austrian type traveling stitch patterns and are nicely, though unconventionally, charted out. (According to Richard Rutt, Aran knitting evolved from these traveling stitch patterns--if you don't have his book, he managed to debunk the Aran legend. This is a book well worth reading, although I believe it is now out of print.) I may want to do a traditional short jacket one of these days.

And there's always the cute German engineer, too. Ich bin ein gutes Deutsches madchen! Ja!

How handy!

Sunday, September 15, 2002

Best Quote I Heard All Day
God is dead. --Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. --God

For the intellectuals among us...anyone?

New Stuff on da Blog
A scan of one of the Traveling Wilburys socks that I am working in Regia Stretch Color is up on the Freebies page. Note that the 2/2 ribbing really pulls in. It's why I like this design. I also adjusted the Acrobat .pdf files so that you may now save the file as well as print it out.

The Splendiferous Snotrag is done--and here it is.

Here's how to make it. Not that you'd want to make it...but God only knows who reads this shit. One strand of pink eyelash and one strand of purple all-purpose worsted together, cast on 24 sts, work 4 rows garter st, then continuing with the first and last 4 sts in garter, work in st st, placing cheesy yarn-overs wherever. When long enough...or you're sick of looking at it, work final 3 rows in garter, bind off in garter. Then felt it, if you wish. Give as present to the office bitch.

Yeah. I know. It's a swatch. But you could blow your nose into it...that's about what it's worth. So bite me.

Koigu THIS!
So. OK. I have these 2 skeins of Koigu earmarked for either a pair of Fiesta Feet or Liz Clouthier's Sideways Socks. And with the 2nd Wilbury sock cuff finished and ready for the heel, of course I have a wandering eye. Only the fact that I have to drag out my ballwinder and put the Koigu on my swift stops me from starting another pair of socks.

And I should be working on my own designs, no?

I am feeling distinctly lazy this morning. It may be a good day to do some spinning. Or finish my laundry. Or both.

Well, isn't that what YOU think when you see this acronym?

I always have.

How Handy! How Rare!
Not counting needles, counters, markers, and other instruments of mass destruction, my very favorite knitting tool/gadget/thingie of late has to be my yarn bracelet.

No, I most emphatically do not walk and knit at the same time. No more than I eat and knit, knit while having sex, knit during business meetings, etc. I know where to draw the line.

However, I do like to keep the skein of yarn at hand rather than feeding my knitting from a bag. I find that the yarn bracelet handles a ball of sock yarn just fine and I wish they made the shank longer so it could accommodate larger skeins. Of course, it would be useless if doing color work, unless you had two, one on each wrist.

What's your favorite gadget and why?

Tell me. And make sure it has some use, OK? I don't care about stupid teddy bear point protectors or designer needles. Those are SO stupid, I can't figure out why people waste their money on them. Unless, of course, they are KnitDweebs who whip out their wallets at the mere mention of knitting.

Put a picture of a skein of yarn on a plastic garbage bag, charge $45.99 and call it a designer knitting bag and they'll buy it. They'll buy two.

Spare me.

Saturday, September 14, 2002

Best Quote I Heard All Day
The truth does not set you free, it just makes everyone irritable.

That's true...

Long, Long, Long Week
Boy, I haven't had one minute to write this week, let alone knit. Work keeps getting in the way. Heh. Well, they DO give me money on a bi-monthly basis, so I suppose I should help them out. But here I am, bloodied but unbowed.

Adventures In Fiberland
And like Alice, I keep saying, "Curiouser and curiouser."

But I refuse to learn to tat. Anything else is fair game.

So far, I can knit, spin, sew, embroider, quilt...and am a poor needlepointer because my stitches look like shit. Weaving doesn't interest me at this point in my needling career.

Still trudging along on the second Wilbury sock. The hand situation is really becoming a hardship. Thank God I'm seeing the spine guy on Thursday because I can barely use my left hand now. So to remedy my inability to either hit the "A" key accurately when typing or to hold more than a #1 needle, I decided to go down to our local stitching emporium to gather up materials for a fairly complicated counted-cross stitch sample. Embroidery needle is manipulated by right hand and I have to have something challenging to do.

No, this ain't no stinkin' Michaels 14-count Aida project, either.

And of course, the woman in the shop (not the owner, I found out) is a novice knitter. So we spent a fine hour talking knitting and embroidery--very satisfying. I solved her problems, she solved mine. And I discovered that embroiderers also have stashes. Although what kind of stash one could have, given that thread is comparatively cheap, I dunno. Thousands of skeins of DMC floss?

I'm still dying to get the yarn for the Fair Isle sweater I love from the Jamieson book, the Sandness. Waiting for Stitches so I can look at the colors in person. Hopefully, after perhaps some traction for my neck, I will be able to knit a little better.

Date-zilla--Never Again!
After repeating the tale of Date-zilla to my friend Gail (who didn't think it was SO bad--what does she know?), I've decided that if they don't work, I am not going to be so polite. It's going to be, "Sorry but no chemistry." Already done that once since Date-zilla. Felt kinda bad but I would have felt worse if I had let the situation progress to a date.

I've actually talked to a guy online who may have potential. He's German, my age, has a motorcycle, same interests as I have (sans knitting) and is seriously attractive. Works as an engineer for Philips. My boss Mark maintains that I need to hook up with a guy who's technical or it's no good. I'm a technical kind of woman, myself.

I think he's right.

Film at 11...this guy Hans-Joachim (Achim for short) may fly. I'd enjoy teaching him idiomatic English...heh heh.

Sunday, September 08, 2002

Quotes Taking Sunday Off
But if you want a good laugh, click here for The Dialectizer. Enter any URL and it will change the page's language into Redneck, Cockney, Pig Latin, The Swedish Chef...even Elmer Fudd.

I did this page in Jive. And peed in my pants. How handy!

Sundy, Sundy
One Wilbury sock done in Regia Stretch Color but I'm too lazy to scan it and put it up. Bite me.

Went to Walmart's. Saw many gap-toothed double-wide denizens. Bought new ironing board to replace the heirloom that Ma gave me 30 years ago (it's been in the family since I was 7, which makes it, um, 45 years old).

Went home and cast on for Sock #2.

Gack. This is no life for a happenin' girl. Too rare. zzzzzzzzzzzz More tomorrow when I leave my comatose state and see the white light.

Saturday, September 07, 2002

Best Quote I Heard All Day
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?·

And the real Ken commited suicide. Little wonder...

Shit to Knit
I promised to let you know the winner. It would seem to be Sirdar as a brand and Snowflake as a specific yarn. I've never worked with either...and have no burning desire to anyways.

Years ago, I knit sweaters for a designer in NYC, who in turn sold them to Henri Bendel. It was truly an awful experience. The sweaters were made of a Berrocco boucle whose name escapes me now, as does the designer's. She lived on East 76th St. right off 5th Ave. The designer insisted that the garment be knit on 3s, despite the fact that the yarn demanded--nay, begged for--at least 7s. The resulting fabric was like unto Brillo, truly. And the finished sweaters commanded a nice $300 a pop.

I got a dollar-three-eighty for my armbreaking efforts. Poverty reared its ugly head...and two little girls needed extra stuff. What can I say?

The Never-ending Dating Saga of the Merry Widder
I hope this amuses you as much as it amuses me. Last Wedesday I get a phone message from my old boss telling me that a bunch of former employees were getting together at a local dive on Thursday and would I be coming? Now, my ex-boss is a wonderful guy--I adored working for him and we have kept in touch since I left the company 3 years ago. In a sidebar, my late husband and I both worked for him doing documentation, so XBoss knew Jim as well. We'd often see XBoss at these impromptu former employee gatherings. But I had not seen XBoss since Jim's memorial service the beginning of February...and he hadn't seen me almost 70 pounds lighter and a blonde, to boot.

So I go...and wouldn't you know it? XBoss (who I always secretly thought was tres hot) bought me wine and Jagermeister shots, talked to me almost exclusively for 4 hours...and asked me to go to a local jazz club next Thursday. Damn. I'm in NYC on business all that day and evening. But we're going to have lunch and he's happy to give me a raincheck on the jazz. After Date-zilla, I was going to swear off men for a while. But XBoss and I have always been tight...and hmmm...this could be something.

Will I?

Should I?

Hell, yes! Finally, a guy I can relate to...and relate with.

How rare! And in my own backyard, too.

Friday, September 06, 2002

Short week...but thank God etc.

1. What is your biggest pet peeve? Why?
I can't deal with indecision, either in myself or in others. I guess it's because I'm an action kinda woman. See it, analyze it, get it done.

2. What irritating habits do you have?
Well, none of us have any irritating habits, do we? LOL! That said, I tend to interrupt people and I'm sure that's irritating. But I think I do that because my mind is always 40 miles ahead of the conversation.

3. Have you tried to change the irritating habits or just let them be?
Oh sure. I spend every single business meeting I go to (and God knows, that's enough) making sure I keep my mouth shut until the other person has finished. I'm not sure that I do this so much with my friends and my family...but then, I don't have to think when I'm with them.

4. What grosses you out more than anything else? Why?
Steven Segal movies. Because the noted thespian shouldn't be allowed into a movie theater, let alone on the screen. But actually, I think it's guys spitting. I saw one guy on I80 the other day spray a lunger out his window going 70 mph.

5. What one thing can you never see yourself doing that other people do?
Scratching my ass in public? I don't know. Picking my teeth with a pocketknife? Doesn't it seem that it's men who do these things?

Wednesday, September 04, 2002

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

If you work in IT, you know this to be's quote is dedicated to my favorite Applications guys at work, Warren and Johnny B.

KC on TV
That's 15 minutes are finally here. Cablevision is interviewing me and another Chubb Institute employee tomorrow about the Unity Quilt project that we helped to run in cooperation with the Morris County, NJ, Arts Council. The two quilts are made of squares decorated by our employees and their children to remember and reflect on the events of 9/11, and will be given to victims' families. For those of you who have Cablevision in the NY-NJ metro area, I understand that this is to be broadcast on September 12.

All curmudgeonliness aside, I can't remember being involved in any project that meant as much to me as this one did.

Splendiferous Snotrag and Other Stupid Knitting Tricks
I've been threatening to do my ingeniously conceived answer to the warshcloth knitting phenomenon since I started this blog and now it is about to become reality...with an extra ball of Fur Luxe made by our Italian pals at Baruffa. I'm thinking, cheesy holes in furry, lurexy yarn does it for me. Everyone will be just whipping this baby out of their purses to wipe their schnozzes in style. Pattern to come...dare to be bold.

I do so love Stupid Knitting Tricks (sorry, Dave, but you ain't got nothing on these). My favorite of late has been to extricate myself from my idiotic mistakes made on some double moss caused by my interminable lack of focus on what I am doing. ADD? No, just a case of what my mother always accused me of being...careless. So I carefully unpicked half a row of knitted-when-they-should-have-been-purled sts and vicey versy...16 total...reworking them as I unpicked. Now, you ask yourself, why didn't she just rip out the stitches and then rework them in one swell foop? Because A) it was 11:30 p.m. and I love to torture myself or B) I enjoy doing knitting acrobatics for the sheer delight of it? I don't know. I'm still wondering why I did this. Anyone got some good Stupid Knitting Tricks to share? I can't promise you a Big Ass ham...or a refreshing beverage...or even a sycophantic Paul Schafer for a good trick.

No Runs, One Error...
There's a school of thought that says, "Handmade items were meant to have gives them their charm." Bullshit.

There's nothing charming about mistakes in knitting, especially when they appear on the cover of the latest Vogue Knitting. There is a major omission in the directions of a design element that is clearly seen in the cover sweater. First person who finds it, wins. Not as glaring as the incorrectly crossed cable of the other grossly screwed-up cover sweater--was that last year? But a good one nonetheless. This is better than looking for 10 frigging little cartoon-y dragons.

As my friend Pat always says, "If you want it in the worst way, that's generally how you'll get it."

How rare! A maxim for our times.

Tuesday, September 03, 2002

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Hmmmm...get me to a nunnery? Nah...they don't invite guys, either.

Ubermeister Stricknung or Das Needleneiblungleid
My knitting life is taking on all the sturm und drang of an endless Wagner opus. I can't seem to deal with anything past this Regia Stretch sock lately. I must be losing it. I have 1,085 potential projects in mind but all I can manage is a pair of socks. Sheesh. And the Grand Ave. vest is 32 rounds short of being "finished"...well, with a Starmore, finishing the main body is actually just the beginning. There's finishing AND there's finishing. Then there's the Pickpocket Tunic from last year's Jamieson's book. I guess just having two major knitting works-in-progress is not bad, considering I've heard of people having 40 or more. But there's more...

There is the 2-year spinning odyssey...3 pounds of merino/silk/angora, 2 bobbins spun. Feh. I love to spin but just don't seem to get to it enough.

I wish I could find the charm in knitting with bulky/super bulky stuff. Maybe then I'd actually accumulate a vast pile of fat sweaters that made me look like Ms. Michelin.

And why am I suddenly looking at 32-count cross-stitch charts for samplers that I've had in my collection for years? Is it something to do with the Grand Opening special at the new Michael's? 6 skeins of DMC floss for a buck? And my quilting project...templates made, fabric washed, that's it.

I feel an attack of startitis coming on. Someone stop me. Please. Before I needlework myself into oblivion.

Get back, Jojo. Get back to where you once belonged. Or some such shit.

Sunday, September 01, 2002

Best Quote I Heard All Day
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

Shatner naked. What an unbearable concept...

Isn't amazing how the word FREE attracts? Now you can print out my Traveling Wilburys sock pattern, along with other junk I may throw onto this page. Use at your own risk. I don't want any whiny e-mails.