Thursday, January 15, 2009

Snot Rockets

Best Quote I Heard All Day
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.--Dorothy Parker

It's been awhile since I've used a quote from another unrepentant Jersey girl knitter. Yes, Dot was a knitter.

And if you read the somewhat uninteresting article in this issue of Piecework, so was Eleanor Roosevelt.

I had the great good fortune to meet her in 1961, when she gave a lecture at an Episcopalian church in Upper Montclair, where I grew up. My friend Dottie, whose family belonged to St. James's, was with me, since it was her mother's idea for us to go. Mrs. Roosevelt was Episcopalian and lived in Hyde Park in her Val Kill home at the time, so it's not surprising that she made an appearance in an Upper Montclair church.

I was 11 and being the fearless little girl that I was, stood up during the question and answer period and posed a question to Mrs. Roosevelt about the Russian missile threat. She was incredibly gracious and after the lecture, she thanked me for asking such a good question. I was, and still am, thrilled to have had the honor of meeting her.

Obligatory Knitting Shit
Finished the mitts, complete with embroidery. Of course, they're out in the car and I'll be damned if I go down to the garage at night in 10 degree weather. I'll take some pictures of them over the weekend.

The next thing will be Jerry's Aran. I've got it all charted, now I'm waiting for the yarn to come in, since I had to order the right color, which is a medium blue-gray. I did buy one skein just for swatching, though, so I may mess with that next week. I'm really looking forward to this one. In the meanwhile, I'll shoot out a pair of socks or two.

Snot rockets? Jerry has dared me to write about them and our romance and ship it to eHarmony. I might but this is as good a testing ground as any. As he says, "I KNOW you're going to write about it." Well, I demurred a bit. "It's a bit personal, dontcha think, Jer?" He laughed.

I've mentioned Jerry before but I guess it's time to own up to the whole thing. It is a funny but sweet story of how we met last September.

After some absolutely boring dates over the summer from, I dumped that service and I sign up for eHarmony, which is the dating service that runs TV ads constantly. Supposedly they match you with the right person. I go through these profiles and I'm going "Feh. Blech. Yuck." If you ever want a good laugh, read some of these profiles, on whatever dating service you choose. I was always tempted to write my profile as a parody:

I love to go walking on the beach, have a candlelit dinner with a bottle of wine. I adore NASCAR and golf and I love to cuddle on the couch while we watch NFL games on Sundays. I'm honest, not a game player, clean, thrifty, and reverent. I love to dress up in heels and go out to dinner.

Yeah, that's me, alright. Sure. If I go to the beach, I'm in the water. I don't drink. I hate NASCAR, don't give a rat's ass about golf. I'll cuddle on the couch but it might lead to more and you'll have to turn off the game. However, I am honest to a fault but incredibly irreverent. So fuck you if you can't take a joke.

And then I get Jeremiah's profile. Oh, cool name, I thought. I start reading it. It's short but at the end, he writes "And my nieces think I'm a pisser."

Yes. This one I'd like to know. So Jerry and I start writing to each other. And then comes the inevitable phone call. We're on the phone for two hours. I'm laughing my ass off. He seems wonderful but...he lives almost 80 miles away, in North Arlington, NJ. Hmmm. A bit far.

We talk again. Again, a great conversation. And I'm thinking, maybe. But then, the shit came down at work and I backed off and told Jerry I was seeing another person. I was scared, to be honest. I realized that my attraction to Jerry, even over the phone, was more than I could handle then. Yeah, another person--Mr. Formula 1, for one hideous lunch date. So I blew a good guy off.

I never stopped thinking about Jerry and then, after dumping eHarmony, I tried SeniorFriendFinder in early November. I'm on it two days and all of a sudden, there's Jerry. He's favorited me. That did it. I e-mailed him and told him I was an idiot to trash him. We met a week later. And we were both done.

Snot rockets...well, just let me say that I can't really write this explicitly but suffice it to say, he threatened to blow some on my back when I smart-assed him in bed. If he wants to write more about it, he can in the Comments.

I'm still laughing about snot rockets. And yes, we love each other very much. I've been waiting for Jerry for a very long time. We're so alike, it's scary, as he says. He's as snarky as I am but a loving, kind sweetheart. We take very good care of each other. He gets me. I get him. He gets the fiber crap. And loves movies, history, current events, hates Bush. What more could a girl want? And I think he's hot.

I never thought that I would find anyone to love again. Jerry, if you're reading this (yes, he does read the blog), I love you so much. There, I said it publicly. Are ya happy? I sure am, ya old fuck. Like George Carlin said, we're old fucks. And rare and handy ones too. He'll be coming to Rhinebeck next October. Forewarned is forearmed. The two of us together are formidable.

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