Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Best Quote I Heard All Day

We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities.—Oscar Wilde

‘Tis the season for piles of unnecessary shit, is it not?

Every year, I buy myself something that no one else will—often, it's yarn, a knitting book, a bathrobe, crap like that.

This year, I have reached for the stars and achieved the pinnacle of un-necessity. I bought a Kindle, something that is somewhat against my Luddite grain. You see, I love the feel of a paper book in my hand. Howsome ever, having moved ± 15 boxes of books, I can at least download those books that are tossaways. I doubt I will buy knitting/spinning/weaving books for the Kindle, although there are some available.

I’m glad I waited, since v2 of the Kindle is apparently much improved. As a geek, I know never to buy the first version of anything. That maxim of course applies to all things Microsoft but also to Apple and other companies. Give all new things tech at least 3-6 months before you buy, so that bug fixes are complete. Remember the dopes who stood in line for the first iPhone, paid a premium, only to have Apple drop the price? And then whined about it?

Jerry just called to tell me the Kindle arrived. Hot damn. A new toy.

KC’s 2009 Top 10 List of Unnecessary Knitting Shit

Yes, Virginia, there’s a lot of redundant knitting stuff and techniques floating around the Knit-o-sphere. Here’s what I find to be passé, stoopid, or just plain annoying.

  1. Knitter’s—for reasons that I’ve expounded upon for quite a few years. I’m awaiting its demise but as Mark Twain once said, “The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.” Yea, it lingereth.

  2. Light-up knitting needles and crochet hooks—if you’re knitting at the movies, you’re a certified moron and need to get a life. Worse is knitting while driving. I've heard some do that. Have a few drinks and pick up yer needles. Don't forget to send a text message.

  3. Reversible cabling—this is getting to be the Tiny Diva’s one-trick pony. Enough already.

  4. How to Knit directions in every fucking book. For the love of God, let’s leave this out of intermediate/advanced books.

  5. Another book on knitting socks with two circs. The best was the original by Cat Bordhi.

  6. Knitting / spinning jewelry. If Jerry ever buys me little knitting needle earrings, he’s history.

  7. Sheep motifs everywhere, no doubt also on underwear. Who needs a tape measure in sheep’s clothing? Not me. And the use of “ewe” as “you.” NOT CUTE.

  8. Rick Mondragon, aka DragonBoy. NOT CUTE either.

  9. Stitch ‘n’ Bitch—it’s so over. Find another term for your knitting group. Like “knitting group.”

  10. Knitting “celebrities” need to puncture their egos with a handy knitting needle and remember what they don’t know. A true knitting educator knows what she or he don’t know. Let’s not forget that knitting is making shit with some string and two sharpened sticks and has a small niche in the big world.

In my next post, I’ll give you my thoughts and recommendations on some of the best knitting stuff. After all, there are some nifty things out there that will help you with your work.

Move Your Groove Thang

I’ve about had it with moving. Five times in eight years is more than I can bear to think about. I’m tired. However, at least I’m closer to Mammy and the rest of the family. By the way, Ma just had her last radiation treatment and the news is…the lymphoma is gone! Of course, she’s had a hell of a week—a fire in her apartment building, which fortunately didn’t affect her other than sending her off to the library across the street for hours. And a cataract lens that became dislodged.

Otherwise, she’s doing well. And I’m busy getting my new fiber room pulled together, as well as working with Jerry to turn the bachelor’s house into a comfortable home for both of us.

Sick of Sox and Knitting Fuck-Ups

After five pairs of the Raggi socks, I’m done with sock making for the time being.

Now, tell me—how humbled have you been when your knitting goes bad? No matter how good you think you are, I’m sure you’ve made major screw-ups that you don’t want to tell your knitting crew.

I’m shameless. I make mistakes in every project, other than socks, that I work on. Yes, I fix them. No, I wasn’t paying attention. I’m too poor to pay attention. I have always believed that novice knitters are far more careful than those of us who pretend to be “master knitters.”

I don’t mind flagellating myself in public at all. Primarily because I don’t give a shit about my public “persona.” So here’s a big-time mess that almost brought me to tears of madness. The cashmere lace scarf Christmas present that I made for daughter Jenn somehow ended up in the washer and dryer. I had the scarf hanging over the back of my rocker and put a sweat jacket over it.

Felted on the right, fresh start on the right. Get the picture? Yeah, picked up the jacket, tossed it into the laundry bag, and didn’t notice the scarf. Talk about an idiotic fuck-up.

Actually, to justify my total stupidity, I rather like the way it came out. The felting isn’t so, so bad. However, I bought some more cashmere laceweight (Jojoland, nice for the price) and started another for Jenn. I’ll get it done by Christmas. And then it’s back to book projects.

Harrison, Kearny, Nutley, North Arlington, Bloomfield, Montclair, North Caldwell--Sopranoland

I have almost two weeks off, starting with Christmas Eve, and besides seeing Ted da Knitterguy when he comes to NJ (he’s staying with friend Jack, who lives in Nutley, a hop, skip, and jump from me), I’ll be knitting, writing, spinning, and warping my Mighty Wolf. And snuggling with my honey too.

So, it’s a shortish post today. Work is slow right now and layoffs are coming. We found about this news this morning, where it was the lead story in the Pocono Record. Nobody at the company said anything.

I’ve still got a few things to get out of the apartment but this coming Saturday is it. I’m glad to be out of the Poconos and E’burg. Great for a visit, piss poor for living. Bank robbery down the street, having to call the cops on a guy sitting in my garage one night drinking beer, and someone hit by a speeding car in front of my apartment is incentive enough. Not at all rare and handy.

Jerry always called my place the “Deliverance” apartment. It was. Now I’m back in Jersey, around the corner from Pizzaland. If you’re a fan of the Sopranos, you’ll know.

“You woke up this morning, Got yourself a gun, Mama always said you’d be The Chosen One.”

Yeah, with a “blue moon in your eye.” I always thought the lyrics were “with a boom-boom in your eye.” I like my line better. I feel safer back home in the Garden State. Which it is, more than non-natives know.

As requested, here's my favorite picture of Jeremiah.

Next Post: A special Christmas edition. No, not a Happy Holidays version. I hate that term. I calls 'em like I sees 'em. But Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish friends.

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