TMI STFU

Best Quote I Heard All Day
The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates.--Oscar Wilde

So does that mean I'm creative?

Yes, TMI, too much information. Too many knitting books. Way too many yarn choices. Enough already.

Ten years ago, the frenzy that now permeates the knitting industry was limited to Stitches and a bunch of KnitList Knitdweebs. Now, it's out of control. It seems that every yarn company spends its time trying to create over-the-top lines that in reality make shitty garments. Sure, the stuff looks gorgeous in the skein. P.T. Barnum certainly had it nailed. Knitters are the biggest suckers of any hobby.

The worst messes that the yarn companies promote are the damned loosely twisted "hand-dyed" single or 2-ply products that can severely fuck up the unsuspecting, ignorant knitter. Why? Because they split like hell when you knit them, and then pill within two or three weeks. The worst offenders are the sock yarns. Get real. If you make socks from these yarns, you'd better put them in a frame and hang 'em on the wall because they ain't gonna last. Ya know the term "stitch definition"? Keep that in mind when selecting your yarn.

I just finished a vest in Lang Tosca Lite. Very pretty but one of these yarns. I won't use it again. I was going to submit the design to Knitty but decided against it. I refuse to promote something I dislike, although the vest did come out nicely. I'll submit a sock design I'm doing now in Knit One Crochet Too Ty-Dy Socks. This is excellent sock yarn. One of my favorites, along with Black Bunny Fibers' Silk Sock (Carol's just put up some wonderful new colors).

My friend Ann calls it the Caribbean Reef Vest, when I asked her for help in naming it. I had the enameled fish button in my hand, putting it up against the fabric, and Ann said, "That's it! Caribbean Reef!"


 Da Mags
OK, a little behind the times here but frankly, all the winter issues were stone bores. Other than Deborah Newton's hat on the cover of VK, it was a tremendously bland issue. Even Brandon Mably's design lacked his usual exquisite colorways. The best section of VK's Winter issue was Style Revival that had great retro patterns and Socks in the City. I'm glad they've finally bowed to publishing sock designs. Of course, lots of knitters love bland. Just way too much cabled shit.

IK is once again a total mish-mosh. When in God's name are they going to organize this magazine? There are some good designs in this issue. I loved Laura Grutzeck's cardigan and Deb Newton's vest. The cover? Well, it's really tacky to overlay print onto the model's face.  Closeups are good...to a point. VK and Knitter's have always been well laid out. Put your feature articles and columns in the front of the mag with the ads, then set up the editorial section. No fuckin' ads there.

Whether you put the directions with the editorial picture or put them in the back of the books makes no-never-mind. But when you can't tell the difference between an ad and an editorial photo, you're in trouble. Plus, the teeny weeny pictures are BAD. I was looking at the sock photos and on page 94, there was a pair of socks omitted in the caption. Turns out it was Judy Alexander's Pinked Socks in a different colorway. Readers shouldn't have to figure this out. Very poor editing here.

If IK continues on this path, they'll be walkin' downhill. Yet, the staff of Piecework just published the second edition of Knitting Traditions, a fabulous special magazine. Hello, IK! Check out what your colleagues are doing. Granted, the patterns in Knitting Traditions aren't hot fashion but they are beautiful, along with excellent articles on knitting history. And you can't beat the layout.

OK, so that's my take on Winter 2011. IK's Spring issue just came out and once again, there's type on the model's face. Oy. I'll buy the issue strictly for Mary Jane Mucklestone's article on Fair Isle knitting. You can preview VK's Spring issue online.  Knitter's apparently no longer offers previews. As shocking as it may sound coming from my mouth, at this point, Knitter's is a better magazine than IK.

Friends Who Write
Gotta love 'em. So many of my friends have published excellent books worth buying. They get it. Don't publish crap, publish a book that adds to the knowledge base. And if you want a fabulous book, buy my dear friend Barb Brown's Knitting Knee-Highs: Sock Styles from Classic to Contemporary. Yeah, I know I'm a bit biased but if Barb had written shit, I'd shut my trap. Wonderful designs plus an outstanding section on knee-highs--making knee-highs, converting regular sock patterns to knee-highs, and sizing knee-highs. Barb, I swear I'll make your lace socks...but I'm involved in my own book and designs. Heh.

Yes, I'm back working on the book. Have been for several months now. I refuse to place myself under a deadline but I'm feeling the need to leave a legacy, probably because I'm going to be 61 in April. Someone once wrote that I was a knitting blogger pioneer. I suppose so. This July will mark 9 years of KC bullshit. I decided against doing the cable show simply because it would have very limited exposure. It's not worth the work if five people watch, one of whom would be Mammy.

Garbage Removal
You may have noticed that I've eliminated the Free Shit section in the sidebar. This is due to some technical stuff I have to do with Dreamhost, my site host. I still have the knittingcurmudgeon.com address, used now only to contain uploadable docs. So Free Shit will be back when I get things squared away.

Tech crap is not rare and handy. As a technical writer, I find that knitting and spinning offer me a good withdrawal from the info world. Yes, TMI and STFU. I'm lessening my presence on Facebook, don't bother with Twitter, and frankly, prefer to knit and listen to music at this point, with Countess von Puppelah at my feet. Damned dog loves to chew wooden dps. And hand-knitted socks. No, she gets no knitted puppy sweater. Ever.

Now that's a rare and handy woofer.
Later, skanks.

Gimme that remote. NOW!!

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.--Jerry Seinfeld

Here's what I really don't get, as much as I like to think I understand men well enough to communicate with them on any level.

The remote issue, butt of many jokes. Except that it's true. The other day, watching the Yankees game, I felt compelled to hand my love the remote, even though I didn't think he'd switch it. He didn't, because it was the Yankees.

Otherwise, it's deference to the TV God. Yikes. Flip, flip, flip, every channel a mere shadowy image and then another, and another, and another. I will never truly know how one can determine what's worth watching if you don't spend a minimum of 20 seconds on each station. And then there's checking the TV listings. Heaven forfend. Like asking for fucking directions.

Men complain that these are stereotypes. Not with the men I know. It's reality. They do it and it's not funny. It's annoying. But I love them nonetheless. And since I don't shop 'til I drop, whine if they forget an important date, want to change their sorry t-shirt clad asses into a GQ poster boy, expect them always to pay for dinner, and all the other female bits they complain about, I figure I can knock 'em for this.

Knitter's
So, you want my take on this? OK. There are not words venial enough to express my utter disgust. And the cover? By the so-called "Knitter's Design Team"? Positively guaranteed to provoke gastro-intestinal eruptions.

What's with this Design Team? And who, besides DragonBoy, is a member? Speaking of whom, my fantasy is to corner him at Stitches and color his awful red leather pants (and his hair as well) a fine shade of lime green with a paintball gun. And then take a picture. Carol came as close as anyone I know to letting him have it full force. I would prefer to do some damage but he'd probably press charges. Unless I appear incognito, perhaps dressed up as the Tiny Diva.

Except that I think he'd guess it was a faux TD. Since I tower over her and I have about 75 lbs. on her, too.

But I could be as shrill and manic as she is. Give me a few months to practice. With Franklin coming next weekend, I may ask Dolores for lessons. She's so good at it. A true pro.

Spun-k
Thanks for the compliments on my spinning. It's been a long road and I still am not always happy with my consistency but then, I have Ted as a model, so I'm doomed. Perhaps. As I mentioned in the last set of comments, I bought my Matchless at the 1998 MD S&W, brought it home, along with about 3 pounds of merino/silk/angora. Clueless as I was, I didn't realize that this blend of fibers would be horrifically difficult for a beginner to handle. It was. And I made a gobby mess of it.

So the wheel became a quaint living room decoration. Until about 3 years ago, when I saw what Joe was spinning on his Louet. Shit, I said to myself, if he can do it, WTF is the matter with you? And then I realized--I needed to spin plain ole wool, not some exotic fiber. Within a couple of hours, the brain engaged the hand and I was able to spin a lot better. Here's a picture of some of the first plyed wool I made, on the right. And a recent BBF angora skein.
I dare to publish the close-up of the old stuff:
Pretty ratty looking. But everyone starts this way, except for Ted. I swear he began spinning laceweight the moment his hands touched a spindle.

Anyway, for those beginning spinners out there, keep doing it. Every day, if you can. I spin for at least 5 or 10 minutes when I get home every night, and I try to do 1-2 hours each weekend day. The more you do it, like sex, the better you get. Promise.

Scary Blogger Feature
Blogger has just added a video upload tool. I own a webcam that I never use. So...maybe I'll think about doing a video for anyone who's not met me and is interested in how truly psychotic I am. I like to think I'm rare and handy but in the case of a video, I may hand it over to the next-door neighbor, who's the video/sound nerd. And let him guide me. Or tell me to live in the real world, which he frequently does.

P.S. To my friends mentioned in this post, sorry I didn't set up the links. I'm tired, lazy, and want to sit outside in the beautiful late afternoon so I can knit. Everyone knows where you guys live, after all.

Another One Bites The Dust

Best Quote I Heard All Day
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey, I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust
--John Deacon (Queen)

You know me--no fucking resolutions for the New Year. If I'm gonna do something, I do it. Whenever I decide to do it.

What I prefer to do is look back over what I've done the past year, analyze it, and see what I can do to make my life better. It's been yet another tumultuous year, albeit one that saw a few milestones:

• Went back to Telargo in August (this bears review, for sure)
• Had two articles published in Interweave Knits
• Half-assed moved to East Stroudsburg next door to Neal
• Drew Carey takes over as host of The Price Is Right--but wait! there's more!
  

It's still not completed, the move. I'm living in the apartment but the furniture won't be moved until next Saturday, after a couple of delays. I live like the gypsy I am.


You can see that the important crap has been moved already. This is the living room taken from the bedroom hallway.

And then, there was Christmas. With die ganze Familie, below.
Well, almost the whole family. Scrappy the Sister (Ted calls her Scrappy and I think that's more apropos than the Scrap Curmudgeon) and family show up for dessert.

Sisters, sisters, there were never such devoted sisters. Yes, her necklace did light up. You can get cool stuff if you work for Party City.

And now for the obligatory cute grandchildren pictures. Ian Skywalker, whose Force is something to be reckoned with, and the Punk Princess, who had to have her picture taken three times before I got her to stop mugging it up for the camera.


It was a nice Christmas. And probably the last one I'll cook. In a way, I'll miss it. But then, it will be nice to be the feedee instead of the feeder.

Obligatory Knitting Shit
As it is with Joe, right now I simply feel like knitting small projects. I finished a pair of socks for Neal while in Tampa, plus another diagonal scarf. And then, I picked up the latest issue of Spin-Off, an outstanding issue filled with lots of good stuff. The gloves made from fingering weight handspun intrigued me. I knew I had a ball of the Starry Night in my spinning basket, which had 376 yards, just enough for the gloves. I can use these, too.

Knitter's Shit
Oh. My. God. Did any of you catch the incredibly awful picture of DragonBoy in the latest issue of Knitter's? It took my breath away. And caused small amounts of puke to disgorge themselves.

The issue itself was a stone bore. Who the fuck is still reading this? Other than last spring's issue, which was half decent, it's back on track with its trajectory to the recycling bin.

I realize that I am tremendously biased towards Interweave publications. There's a reason for this, besides the fact that I write for them (next, an article on Ravelry). I will not write for some rag that deserves my contempt. I can afford to be picky because I don't depend on this income. I have always appreciated Interweave's efforts to be the best they could, although they've stumbled here and there. That's not a big deal. No magazine can be perfect every issue. I do hope that the next issue's photography is improved. The last one was terrible.

2008
I hope this coming year brings a bit more stability. I think it will. And I would like to thank all of my readers for showing up for the extravaganza. This month has been a bugger and I couldn't write as much as I would have liked. With things settling down now, I'll be back to my regularly scheduled entries.

Open Mic Thursday will begin again on January 3. This will give me some time to think of a good topic. Of course, Neal did come up with one that has absolutely nothing to do with knitting and everything to do with sex. If you'd like, I'll do his topic. I know he'd get cheap thrills from reading your responses. Such a rare and handy man. With friends like that, one can go far in life. Sorta.

Happy New Year, skanks!

Best Quote I Heard All Day

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. --Steven Wright

That's how I view whatever is to come--way off to the side, as I stump my way through life, working, knitting, and trying to find some fun where I can.

Whenever I feel a little down, I read some of Steven Wright's quotes. Puts it all into perspective.

Falling UP

I must say, after a good Spring issue, and then a fugly Summer one, the new Fall Knitter's is pretty pleasing. Designs by Deborah Newton, Norah Gaughan, Kathy Zimmermann, Penny Ollman, Celeste Pinheiro, all attractive. Carol Wessinger's dress done in Lavold's Silky Wool is a design that could be worn by almost any body shape. Not that I'd knit a dress. In fact, most of the designs are very doable, classic numbers.

With the exception of some bizarre knitted runners created by the "Knitter's Design Team."

The Design Team doesn't qualify for a wildcard spot in the playoffs, that's for sure. Give it up, team. Go do something else.

Does this connote an upward trend in Knitter's quality? Let's hope so because there really is nowhere for them to go but up. And frankly, they need to ditch the awful, endlessly boring articles and replace them with what they once had: tech articles of value. Honestly, I wasn't particularly interested in reading page after page about the new kids on the block in the knitting industry, mostly because it just went on and on and on.

And I've never been a Perry Klass fan, either. On and on and on.

Hot Legs

Well, not as hot as Joe's. But I managed to spend some time on these socks over the long weekend.

You know how fucking hard it is to take a picture of your own foot? Where the hell was Liz when I needed her?

Summer Reading
I usually leave it to Carol to do book reviews of all types but I read constantly, when I'm not knitting or working or doing something illicit.

My picks for this summer: Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, Suite Francaise by Irene Nemirovsky, and Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Keckly: The Remarkable Story of the Friendship Between a First Lady and a Slave by Jennifer Fleischner. All highly recommended. (No, I did not read Harry Potter and the Cylindrical Golden Orgasm or whatever the fuck it's called.)

The latter book is of especial interest to me, since I have always found Mary Lincoln to be a fascinating person. A harridan? Perhaps. More likely manic-depressive, which has some interest for me. This is a completely absorbing book. I'm about 50 pages into it and hooked. Totally.

On the Road
Thursday and Friday, as I mentioned in a previous post, I will be on the road for work, training in Roanoke and possibly York, PA, if I can get the manager to schedule some time for me on Thursday afternoon.

This trip doesn't mean I won't be posting. Got the laptop, wi-fi at the place I'm staying, so there will be an Open Mic Thursday. And I'm looking forward to lying on the comfy bed, knitting, watching TV, and the thoughts of the fabulous, rare and handy, free Continental breakfast that awaits me in the morning. Mmmm boy, nothing like plastic-wrapped muffins.

Best Quote I Heard All Day

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.--Jack Handy

I've never gone much for memes. If you don't know what a meme is, the long, pedantic explanation is here, the short one for dummies is here.

However, I have been listed by both Carol and Grandma Flea for the Thinking Blogger Award. I only just discovered that Grandma had tagged me, on my birthday, of all days. Certainly these two are thinking bloggers par excellence.

This is something I am truly honored to have been awarded. I will put it in my sidebar.

In accordance with the rules, I am listing the five knitting blogs that I feel are absolutely worthy of this:

1. QueerJoe: As long as I've known Joe, which is coming up to five years, he's contributed immensely to the political awareness of knitters. And yes, his knitting and spinning are extraordinary, too. Joe was the one who got me to thinking that maybe my spinning wasn't quite as good as it could be. He was the impetus behind my working to improve my handspun. A personal friend? Yes. My gay brother.
   
   
2. KnitterGuy: Ted has a remarkably analytical point of view towards his knitting and spinning. He has been my muse, as he has been for so many other intelligent knitters, for longer than I care to remember, first on the Knit List and now on his blog. And then there's the cooking and the dyeing, as well. Another dear friend who is greatly cherished.
   


3. Jean's Knitting: What can I say about Jean Miles, that hasn't been said? American-born, she has lived in Scotland for many years, and is a premier knitter. I've been reading her since our days on the Knit List back in the mid 90s. Jean's lace knitting site and her almost daily blogging are incisive and insightful.
   
   
4. Whoopsy Daisy!: Kerstin's beautiful photography, of things knitting and life in general, along with her often poetic style of writing, make her blog a meditative stop for me. Sometimes, just the photos give me pause to ponder.
   
   
5. Wabi Sabi: Along with Ted, Katherine (aka k) is an analytical knitter, but with a tinge of philosophical thought. Her latest post, I Fought the Lawn and the Lawn Won--The Existential Gardener, is perhaps not about knitting but I think indicative of her writing.
   

Having been tagged, these bloggers need to:

1. Write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.

If you do not already, please go and read these blogs. They are all refreshing antidotes to the relentlessly mindless, chirpy knitting blogs that have so wallpapered the ether.

Thanks again, Carol and Grandma, for this award. I hope I keep you all thinking for a long time to come.

Apres Moi, Le Filage
The former French major at work. However, I am glad to say in English that I've done the first plying of Carol's amazing alpaca top.

Once I get it on the niddy-noddy, perhaps the true subtlety of its color shading will be more apparent--there is a lovely lavender that shows up here and there. However, I am very pleased with the way this came out. I wanted a laceweight and I got it.

The yarn to the left is commercial laceweight, the yarn to the right my plyed alpaca. Without having done a wpi, I'd say I achieved what I set out to do.

Da Mags
I stopped at Borders the other day to use up my Personal Shopping Day, which they are making obsolete, much to my chagrin. So I flipped through both Interweave Knits and Knitter's. And bought both.

Yes, you read right. I bought Knitter's, for the first time in probably three years. Why? For this, by Celeste Pinheiro:

Yeah, Celeste, I really liked this one. Enough to buy the magazine. Amazingly, either someone bound and gagged DragonBoy or for once, he almost got it right, because the issue has two other good designs by Deborah Newton and Nancy Marchant.

However, the Knitter's Design Team needs to go out and design cocktail napkins or something else other than knits. Please. Modular knitting and fugly, too. Really fugly.

And I do wish the magazine would lose its frenetic, overwrought layout. Half the time, I can't differentiate the ads from the editorial.

IK also had some fairly nice things. Socks by Veronik Avery that I liked very much, although I don't wear knee-highs, wonderful hats by Kate Gilbert, and a beautiful lace blouse by Shirley Paden. I could definitely make this sweater by Veronik.

But the kicker is an indepth article by Ann Budd on knitting socks toe-up. I would say that between this article and Mel's tutorial on Sherman short-rowing, you've got what you need. I may yet go back to fiddling with toe-ups. But at this point, I'm sticking to my old ways.

As a final note, I haven't forgotten. I will write about spinning fine yarn. But it's Sunday morning, I'm watching CBS Sunday Morning, and I need another cup of coffee. Rare and handy, that caffeine.