Best Quote I Heard All Day
It was the classic mother B.B. gun block: "You'll shoot your eye out." That deadly phrase uttered many times before by hundreds of mothers, was not surmountable by any means known to kiddom.--Ralphie, in Jean Shepherd's Christmas Story

I had a Daisy air rifle.

If you have never seen this movie, do so. It is the essence of every child's Christmas, or should be.

Christmas Crap-Along Winner
Oh yay. The moment you've all been waiting for. Considering I got 4 entries, it was a tough choice. All of them were crappy and all deserve recognition. I'll publish the runners-up after Christmas because time is short and I need a cup of coffee and some rest.

The winner is Carol Sulcoski, for her magnificent rendition of A Thing of Beauty, which, as Carol says, "is a joy forever, especially when it is made entirely of petrochemical byproducts and will sit intact in a landfill for millions of years. Attached is my entry for the Holiday Knit Crap-along. Crappy materials, crappy design (my own), crappy execution. Even a crappy pun, crafted by my beloved (but not crappy) husband."


Truly worthy of publication in a House of White Birches mag. Or perhaps kitted up by Herrschner's. Carol wins the Schaefer merino--CS, send me your address and I will ship it out to you ASAP.

This entry will be short because it's Christmas and we're all fucking busy, no? Hope you all get what you want and may you wallow in whatever it is.

I'm looking forward to cooking for ganze Familie, which includes daughters Corinne and Jenn (and their boyfriends Mike and Norm), Jr. Curmudge Ms. Liz and my grandson Ian, brother Rich and Elly, and last but never least, my Johnny Heartthrob, the Iron Sausage. Achim? WTF was I thinking? John is the real deal.

Be rare and handy, o Tontant Weaders, and have a swell holiday, whatever you celebrate.