Thursday, June 17, 2010

Sycophantastic! Knitting Kiss-asses Rule!

Best Quote I Heard All Day
I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists.--George Carlin

The day Carlin died, I wept. Bill Maher has taken his place in many ways but this quote from George says it all.

Haven't been much in the mood to post recently but I'm gonna get back onto a writing schedule. I'm spending way too much time on FaceBook. So, let's continue with my rant, eh? Haven't ranted in a while.

Lackey Love
Lately, I've become more aware of how many toadies the minor world of knitting has created. Including people I thought were above prostrating themselves at the feet of knitting "celebrities." Or who view themselves as such, perhaps because they've had something published and had their asses kissed.

"Oooh, oooh, oooh, I loooovve that incredible mess of yarn that you call a garment." Fuck ya. Everyone's a fucking designer these days. I design...for myself. If you like it, great. If not, it ain't gonna change my life.

Let's take the Wayback Machine and look at the original true stellar knitters. Elizabeth Zimmermann, no argument there. Barbara Walker, Barbara Abbey, Maggie Righetti, Ida Riley Duncan, Gladys Thompson, Mary Thomas, Mary Walker Phillips, James Norbury, Marianne Kinzel--these are the people from whom I learned, and whose books are well loved and well used.

If there were no other knitting books available, you could learn what you needed to know from these august writers. God knows I did. These writers taught me everything.

As for spinning, that's a world less filled with sycophants. And a world with far fewer stars. I learned how to spin from Mabel Ross's "Essentials of Spinning" and Lee Raven's book "Hands On Spinning." Then came Priscilla Gibson-Roberts and Abby Franquemont for spindling. Any other spinning books are simply icing on the cake.

These days, too many people are clamoring for star status. So who are the stellar knitters these days? People who actually contribute to the body of knitting knowledge: Shirley Paden, Kaffe Fassett, Nancy Bush, Cat Bordhi, Ann Budd, Marianne Isager, Nicky Epstein, people like these. The rest of the "celebs" need to disappear, put their egos into perspective, and STFU.

And what wid every designer now having their own yarn line? WTF? Frankly, there is too much yarn out there as it is. Do we really need yet another line of yarn? I don't think so. That said, here's my new line of KC Idiot-proof yarn, specially milled for me by the local hardware store.
  • Fuck You Red
  • Kiss My Ass Orange
  • Bite Me Blue
  • WTF White
  • Skanky Silver
  • Gobsmacked Green
  • Asswipe Aqua
 More colors to come, Tontant Weaders welcome to submit their ideas in the comments. Heh.

Obligatory Knitting Shit
So, yeah, I'm still out of work but knitting and spinning away.

One thing I've realized from talking to other knitters at Stix-n-Stitches, my local yarn hangout, is that people really don't want to work complex designs.  What they want is simple shit that looks good. So I've been working on a series of designs I call "Stoopid TV Knitting". The sock below, knit with Carol's wonderful Black Bunny Fibers SoftSilk 50% merino/50% silk sock yarn, is a 6-round, 4-stitch repeat.
All I need to do is finish the second one and jam the pair onto the Punk Princess's teeny feet so I can photograph them properly.

Evening is spinning time.
More Black Bunny Fiber--this fabulous 50% Blue-faced Leicester/50% silk has been incredible to spin. Have you figured out that I'm a big BBF fan? Carol is one of the finest dyers, with great taste in fiber. You can't go wrong with her stuff.

Punk Princess Time
My baby girl isn't much of a baby anymore. She's starting college in September, accepted into Montclair State University's BFA program. She's quite the artist. This is one of my favorite pieces from her senior art show.
Her senior project theme was music. Each senior had to produce 24 pieces for the year, then design their own booth for the show.
The Four Gens: Me, Liz, daughter Corinne, and my everlovin' Mammy, who'll be 87 in August. And still puts knitters half her age to shame. A rare and handy group, no?

I promise, I'll be writing every week now. My 8th blog anniversary is next month and I'll be damned if I let this blog go down the tubes. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.


Ted said...

"Asswipe Aqua"? Really!? There's a picture.

I'd add Jenny Bakriges and Judith McCuin to the spinners to read and learn from. I haven't taken a class from McCuin, but i suspect she's better in person than in writing.

Joan said...

At the risk of sounding like an ass-kissing toady (now there's a mental image to start your day off right), it's good to read you again. You need

Julie Schuler said...

I didn't even know there were knitting celebrities! I would like to buy those colors of yarn, though. Like Urban Decay for knitters!

jody said...

LMAO in irreverent land. Please tell me where to get some of your SKANKY SILVER - I know a few people that would benefit from it! As always, thanks for speaking your truth

FiberQat said...

I agree with Ted. Include Judith. For the most part I don't go gushy for folks who have made a name for themselves, but Judith makes me all puddly when she talks spinning tech. I hope to be her slave at the next Sock Summit.

Hellraiser Henna. Cranky Carmine. Pantyknot Pink. And I think we need some STFU Sienna.

Marilyn said...

Definitely Judith. I don't know why I left her out. Duffy, you'll have to be my marketing director. Excellent color names.

Anonymous said...

Sycophants! Ha, but you're the best. The BEST. WTF white...! Now there's a great idea.

Ah, no one comes close to you, and I wish I'd commented before now. Longtime lurker, first time kisser.


p.s. how was that? ;)

Lee said...

Welcome back, missed you.

anne marie in philly said...

twat teal
bunghole brown
you're yellow
bitch black
pussy purple

missed you...(kiss kiss)

4 generations in one incredible pix - congratulations to the punk princess on her graduation!

andrea said...

Just started following and wanted you to know you are hysterical!!!

Marilyn said...

Missed you skanks too. You all better show up at Rhinebeck this year. I'm bringing the Punk Princess with me. Nim, glad you came out and commented!

Anonymous said...

Some of the knitting celebrities I've met seem to believe their own publicity if you know what I mean... I have a funny story about one that I won't put in the blogosphere for fear of ostracism.

Love Nancy Bush, and she is all that and more in person.

anne marie in philly said...

thought of this one at 3a this morning

cunt crimson

stash haus said...

Bitchy Burnt Sienna. Piss Off Periwinkle. STFU Salmon. (Can you tell I had the big crayola box during the 70's?)

Sue from Kansass said...

Baby Shit Brown
Bend me over and fuck me Orange.
Mucous green
Lochia Lavender
Smegma Salmon

Sharon said...

I vote for adding Galina Khmeleva, the author of "Gossamer Webs", to the list of stellar knitters. She designs magnificent Orenburg lace shawls yet has the patience to share her mojo with even the rawest lace knitters. During a workshop, she taught me the proper way to yarn-over and it changed my life. I'd been doing it wrong for 30 years and never knew it!

Love those color names. You so crazy.

Carol said...

Sock looks great! I love the photo of you and Mammy and your kid & grandkid.....


Go-Shit-in-Your-Hat Brown

Get-the-Hell-Off-My-Lawn Green

Go-Fuck-Yourself Fuchsia

Sue from Kansass said...

Pinko Commie
Clusterfuck Crimson
Fucktard Green
Dumbshit Brown


great to read a new post, funky as ever. Your ass-licking Brit reader. (well one of them)