Best Quote I Heard All Day
Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.
--Jane Wagner and Lily Tomlin

A small darkened cave, some sticks and string, a CD player, and the Man of Mystery.

Oh baby, that's a what I want.

I'm back to knitting socks exclusively. This makes the 8th pair this summer. What wid dat? I can't concentrate on the FPS. Anyone want a pair of socks?

I seem to churn them out. How many pairs do I need, really?

Don't Follow Leaders, Watch The Parking Meters
I am the proud recipient of an authentic rejection letter from the editors of Knit Lit Too.

Yep, inspected, rejected, dejected. The pump don't work cause the vandals took the handles.

Must be a Dylanesque morning.

Only Loopy has read my submission. She liked it. I wrote it back in January and believe it or not, it's a serious piece. I suppose I could let you read it, since it won't be published anyway. So click here.

I seldom write much of a personal nature. I'm used to writing about technical issues, processes, directions, what have you. Reality that's focused away from me. I long ago got used to having my writing inspected and rejected. When you write for a living, no matter what the topic, you get used to other people's fingers in your literary pie.


Saturday's Meet-up
QueerJoe has a great write-up (with pictures) on his blog, so I won't duplicate his effort. Suffice it to say once again that it's good to hang out with other knitters, especially that crew.

They're fucking insane.

Rules on Commenting
There aren't any, although you know that if you say something totally and utterly dweebish, I reserve the right to ban you without notice from commenting.

I've done it before. I have no qualms. This is my blog. This is not a democracy.

Capisce?

I'm actually quite enjoying the movie discussion that we've been having. Michael adds a piquant touch, don't you think?

I'm finished here. Time to continue being rare and handy so the powers that be put money in my bank account twice a month.

Best Quote I Heard All Day
"I'm so hungry. Where's the cheese donut?"
--Anna Nicole Smith

Forget Daryl Hannah.

I've got a better celebrity knitter...

Anna Nicole Smith
Nouveau Knitter and Skank Extraordinaire


Anna Nicole Smith in the Pink with her latest washcloth design

"I got a fucking needle stuck up my ass." Bleary-eyed Anna Nicole Smith loves to knit, even though she doesn't consider herself a "real" knitter. "I don't even know how to button my thongs. Bobby, you asshole, pull this needle outta my ass."

We met with Anna in her plushly pink mansion, as she was tossing skein after shocking pink skein onto her bed, trying to determine which colorway she would choose for her latest washcloth project.

"I make these little fucking squares, I need to wash my c*nt frequently an' I need to knit because Bobby says I'm a fat cow and feed my face too much." As she reached for her bowl of ice cream, we were astounded at the dexterity the actress/model displayed as she cast on and licked the sprinkles from her rapidly vanishing snack.

"Those fuckers in Celebrity Scarves make long squares. I make square squares. That's the difference between them and me.

"But they didn't want my washcloth design in their fucking book, so I'm going to market my exclusive line of Cootch Cloths by myself. Fuck them."

Anna's latest design is completely knit in pink eyelash. "I like the little feathery things between my legs, you know? And I make 'em REALLY wide so they fit just right."

And what's next from the Stitchin' Skank? You guessed it! Knitted thongs. "I'm bored with these fucking squares. Bobby, call Edith and order me a dozen balls of Zap. In pink, asshole. God."

As we left the bloated beauty dozing on her divan, skeins of yarn scattered strategically about her abundant figure, we wondered what will be next for the adventurous actress?

"I been knitting in the back of the limo,' she says. "I'm a real fuckin' designer, so go fuck yourselves, assholes."

Anna, knitting, and the back of a limo. Sounds like the sentiment of a "real" knitter, doesn't it?

Best Quote I Heard All Day
"Art is making something out of nothing and selling it."--Frank Zappa

I'm inclined to agree...which is why I consider myself a craftsperson.

However, that does need to change.

Knitting Haiku Redux
Loop sent me a post from the Knit List that offered a knitting haiku--I'm deleting posts in large batches because I'm too fucking busy to read most of them.

I have only one answer to knitting haiku. Or haiku in general.

Thoughts of WMDs
Ersatz poesy beckons.
Bite me twice.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Wax On, Wax Off: Cast On, Cast Off
A mere "feh" is not sufficient to describe the contents of the TKGA's latest publication. At least, I don't need yet another Noro garter stitch design in my life. The only really good thing I can say about Cast On is at least they are publishing regularly now, which helps their credibility somewhat.

And WTF wid the giraffes? I realize their theme for this issue is "Animal Attraction" but frankly, I could do without assorted Endangered Species lurking in the background of every shot.

The worst I can say about the designs were that they were run-of-the-mill, guaranteed to attract the masses of TKGA members who like that shit. The best I can say is that there were a couple of interesting articles, in particular the one about Fibonacci numbers as applied to color and design. Wish it had been more in-depth. Fibonacci numbers is something I'd like to study further.

What INKnitters does so well and what Cast On does not is illustrate their technical articles so that the reader can see exactly what's going on. Visuals are everything--most people can't learn from text alone.

The Others
Haven't seen Vague Knitting yet...Interweave Knits I did see. Of all the magazines, I still have the most hope for IK. Although why they bound that simpleton bag pattern into the newsstand copies is beyond me. Elly was totally pissed off that she couldn't flip through the issue before she decided not to buy it. Her logic: "Well, because they had to wrap it, I wasn't going to buy it, so there. And they're not going to get other people to buy it if they can't browse through it first."

I pointed out to her that she never buys it anyway, so what was the difference?

Fin de Weekend
Great time with Mystery Man yesterday at a friend's BBQ...and he's still willing to answer questions in the Comments. I'm almost convinced he's as whacked as I am.

Correction: He definitely is. And what's good--he's as quiet as I am, which I am. Really.

I'm only rare and handy when I write, I think.