Thursday, February 16, 2006

Best Quote I Heard All Day
If you don't try to win, you might as well hold the Olympics in somebody's backyard.--Jesse Owens

I'm not a joiner. If 4,000 people decide that they are going to do something in unison, I'm immediately disinterested.

There must be a reason blind followers are called "sheep." Besides the fact that sheep travel in packs and tend to be dumb animals.

If someone can provide a convincing argument that explains to me why everyone rushing to complete something by the end of the Olympics is fun, I'll eat crow.

The Real Knitting Olympics
So yes, I am knitting while watching the Olympics. The Melanie shawl is finally off and running.It's hard to stretch out the knitting so that the pattern is clear and take a picture at the same time. However, you get the idea. Finished with the first horizontal band of "rosebuds" and into the main pattern stitch of the square, which is a simple 6-stitch pattern and thankfully has plain rows on the even-numbered rows.

I was half-watching the men's single skating the other night while finishing up the band of rosebuds and I had a vision.

A real Knitting Olympics. None of this "let's all knit something and finish it in two weeks" bullshit.

What if you were really knitting for gold? I could easily equate knitting a lace pattern with skating a short program. And I envisioned QueerJoe and Franklin as the commentators/color analysts.

Let's go to the videotape:

QJ: Roberts has been training all year for this Melanie shawl. She had problems early on, Franklin, with injury to her right hand but it looks like she's back on track and ready to compete.

Franklin: True, Joe. I saw her earlier this season at Rhinebeck, where she displayed astonishing speed in finishing the Field of Flowers. But you know, speed has not always been her strong suit. I'm looking to see how she fares in this most demanding program, one of Sharon Miller's designs. And look! She's begun the first row!

QJ: This is a particularly difficult challenge for her. She's got to watch her yarn-overs. I've noticed in past competitions that she gets sloppy going into the corners and losing those yarn-overs are what caused her disastrous showing at Atlantic City in 2002.

Franklin: OH! She missed one! The judges will certainly mark her down for that! But she's recovered, ripped out two stitches and gotten the yo onto the needle. Remarkable recovery!

QJ: That's gonna cost her time, though, Franklin. And frankly, her color choice sucks. That's going to cost her points too. Good color selection is definitely something the judges look for.

Franklin: Her coach is her mother, did you know that, Joe? Growing up in a wealthy family and living in toney Montclair, New Jersey, didn't stop them from learning a craft that has suffered the stigma of Red Heart and Lion Brand in the past.

QJ: I understand that when Roberts retires from competition, and this may be her last year, Franklin, she'll be moving onto weaving. OH NO! She's lost half of her stitches! This is a huge defeat for the veteran knitter!

Franklin: I'd say she's out of the medal competition now. This is a serious error on Roberts's part. You have to blame it on her choice of equipment, Joe, no question. Those Addis are notoriously slippery.

QJ: Hold on! She's picking the stitches up! She's got them on the needle backwards, though. If she can knit 'em through the back loops, she may just pick up some speed here.

Franklin: We're coming to the end of the row now, with a time of 6:45. This is not bad, considering her faulty performance.

QJ: And she's reached the end of her short program, with a 6.5 from the judges. This puts her way back in the pack, Franklin. A valiant effort from a seasoned pro. No medal for her this year.

Franklin: But she'll be back in 2008, Joe. As Roberts always says, "Knitting is a rare and handy thing." We'll see her again. Back to you in the studio.

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