Tuesday, September 24, 2002

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the
bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off.

My new credo for work...

Ah, corporate America!

OK, now I must stand up and fight for my position as possibly the crankiest knitter on the internet. In Sunday's Comments, Joan remarked that "You're getting altogether too pleasant and friendly. When I come to your page I want to see a little sarcasm, disdain, yes, curmudgeonliness. What's going on?
In love?"

Yes. BUT. I haven't lost my edge, despite what Joan may think. In fact, Achim doesn't like idiots either. And he deals with them all the time. So we make a perfect couple, OK? So bite me.

That make you happy? Good. So shut up.

A Typical Self-Serving Post from a Self-Proclaimed Knitting Diva on a Self-Indulgent Magazine's Mail List
Yoo Hoo Knitterati Glitterati!! It's moi!
Just rushing into my knit atelier to write you all after horrific hours creating fabulous knitted and crocheted samples for many famous 7th Avenue designers! Let me just drop a few names so that you are incredibly impressed with my cachet!! One of the designers I have honored with my unbelievable talents and whose designs you will see shortly on the K-Mart runways everywhere is the fabulous Kathy Lee Gifford, that doyenne of bon marche couture! If you see that little shortie housecoat with the matching metallic oversized panties, you'll know who crocheted it! Big is beautiful! (I, of course, wear a size 2 but I feel SUCH simpatico for our larger sisters!)

To answer BigTittyKnitty's question on altering the fanciful but functional hemp pasties with the 12-inch long hospital bandage tassels from my latest book, "Sox in the City and Other Tales," I can only tell you to MEASURE, MEASURE, MEASURE the circumference of that aureole!!! I can't stress that enough!!!!!! If you have more than a 6-inch circumference, I STRONGLY suggest that you add at least 300 more stitches in order to alter the pattern! And BE SURE to increase evenly!! Wish I had more time or interest to tell you how to do that, but I must RUN, RUN, RUN!!!!

I have Rosie O'Donnell coming any minute to talk about her new line of crocheted sweatpants. I KNOW she'll love the sample I knitted using a combination of duct tape and copper wire. What a hoot! And it will be just FABULOSO!!!

LCNY (I borrowed that from my dear, dear friend Donna Karan. Think she'll mind?)

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