HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEN!!!!
Ich bin eine St. Pauli Girl...taken at work today at our costume contest, where I was beat out of 3rd place by a baby in a skunk costume.

Not much time to knit or write this week. Back to work from medical leave and the shittycrap, as our Polish network engineer Krys likes to say, is still around on my desk. Hope everyone had a fun and safe holiday...and I'll be writing more on Sunday.

Ah me...how rare!

And a Happy 33rd Birthday to dear daughter Jennifer Lynne!

1. What is your favorite scary movie?
Curse of the Demon, without a doubt. The Haunting runs a close second.

2. What is your favorite Halloween treat?
Cider, preferably spiced and somewhat alcoholic.

3. Do you dress up for Halloween? If so, describe your best Halloween costume.
No, but every year I swear I will. Maybe I will this year, just because I love costumes.

4. Do you enjoy going to haunted houses or other spooky events?
Only if I'm with kids under 12. Otherwise, I'd druther stay at home and drink cider.

5. Will you dress up for Halloween this year?
If I have the time, I'd like to dress up as Janet from Rocky Horror...in white bra and panties. BWAHAHAHA. Who will play Brad?

Best Quote I've Heard All Day
I remember reading that scientists once believed the universe was made of hydrogen, because it was the most plentiful ingredient found. If that theory holds any truth, then I believe it to be made of stupidity.--Frank Zappa

Don't go where the huskies go...

Belated KnitGnus
:: Liz Maryland Hiraldo is up for a Bloggy for her super blog, House Arrest aka Crafty Bitch. Go vote.

:: Red Lipstick's 2002 Hat Contest. Funky but chic. Web site created by the inimitable Liz. Lots o' funkadelic fun, kids.

Rhetorical But Necessary Knitting Musings
I have never knit the same sweater twice, except for the Wonderful Wallaby for les kids, which was a bore and a PITA but beloved by fambly members.

I despise intarsia.

I definitely want to enter RedLipstick's hat contest next year.

Enough of this drivel. Basta. Time to get back to the Oceania cardi. And I think I will put off knitting the WW because I simply can't bring myself to knit one. Gack. But everyone's suggestions were great. Thanks! I think I'll tell him to put a sock on it...

As Weebl sez, "Damn you, Wee Bull. You win this time."

I say, when come back, bring pie.

Best Quote I've Heard All Day
Stupidity's cause hasn't been advanced much by its many martyrs

Ignorance is truly a cardinal sin...

New Book Review
Okay, okay. So I'm a little behind my times. I plead surgery. But I have reviewed The Twisted Sisters Sock Workbook finally, on the No Affiliation Knitting Reviews page. I'm getting a round tuit. So bite me.

On Willy Warmers and Some Pertinent Questions
O! The shame of it all...yes, I plan on making one, so that the motorcyclist in my life will not be cold riding hither and yon to and from work in the early fall mornings. It was his request, and I cannot deny him anything (except, perhaps, a warshcloth).

The design of said warmer is simple...but my questions are ever practical. For example, how long to make it? IF one would knit it to the, um, length that one often encounters it, the finished object would be perchance too long and not fit. So I have to presume that the wearing of said object will happen A) when I am not there and B) when it is fucking cold. Therefore, I would think that making the warmer about half-sized would be apropos.

The second question would be: How should the warmer be affixed to the beloved organ? Drawstring? Elastic in a casing? Gravity? Inquiring minds would love to know. The elastic seems to me to be an extreme choice, and might totally cut off the circulation. To hope that the warmer stays on of its own accord is not reasonable. My option would be a drawstring. Anyone?

The third question: What fiber to use? I was thinking alpaca, which is soft and warm, but it would mean hand-washing it. I don't want to use wool--even merino would be too scratchy AND it's not machine-washable. Forget cotton and silk. So maybe he'll have to hand wash it but he's not lazy so perhaps I'll go with the alpaca.

I'd say, "How handy" but maybe not here, not now.

How rare...and he'd better not ask for warshcloths.

Best Quote I've Heard All Day
I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.

This quote is dedicated to a very special person...you know who you are :-)

So Don't be an Idiot!
I must remind myself not to call people idiots...unless they deserve it.

However, I will always admit when I'm incorrect...read the Comments from Thursday's entry regarding Vivian Hoxbro and my sincere mea culpa to Katherine for pointing out that Hoxbro never claimed to have invented the Domino Knitting technique. Just read what I wrote, I'm too tired to rewrite it. LOL! Insert foot in mouth...

Why Stockinette is Boring
Egad. Why did I start this Oceania cardi? Yeah. I know. Because my arm was f-ed up. Now it's better, much. Now I'm totally bored with being a little knitting machine. No challenge. No nothing. Just knit one row, purl one row, ad nauseam. I've got almost 14" done on the back and just about ready to decrease for the armholes. The charm of the Oceania's variegation has been revealed and no longer holds me sway.

And I'm snoring. I may have to drop a stitch, just to make this interesting. But I will soldier on, my motto being "Never have Unfinished Objects lying about."

And probably another week to go before I can go back to work.

Headline in the news: "Knitter Found Bored to Death in Armchair,
Coroner Blames Stockinette Stitch as Culprit."

Film at 11. How rare!

1. How many TVs do you have in your home?
Two.

2. On average, how much TV do you watch in a week?
Maybe 4 hours a week, tops.

3. Do you feel that television is bad for young children?
I think it depends upon how much TV little kids watch and what they watch. I personally find Barney offensive but I love the TeleTubbies. TV is used as a babysitter, IMO.

4. What TV shows do you absolutely HAVE to watch, and if you miss them, you're heartbroken?
None. I keep finding more and more shows that I HAVE to miss.

5. If you had the power to create your own television network, what would your line-up look like?
A news show where the newscaster gave you the news without editorializing, and then anything that was on the History Channel, Discovery Channel, etc. And my network would only be on 2 hours a day.

Best Quote I've Heard All Day
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. -- Ashleigh Brilliant

Indeed.

Stitches East 2003--Yom Kippur
Well, as Lola commented below, XRX apparently realized just how many people (and the XRX bankroll) would be affected by the Yom Kippur problem next year, so they will make adjustments to the Market schedule. Switching to AC as the venue put them in the position of having to take what weekend was available, so they took the Yom Kippur weekend. I'm figuring that I will take DM Elly for the weekend and we'll do Cape May when we aren't shopping or walking on the beach or whatever.

I don't do classes. Can't sit still for that long and frankly, I'm not interested in learning 350 new ways to cast on or how to use up my stash. The only people whose classes I would sit in on would be Lucy Neatby (if she taught) and possibly Sally Melville. The rest you can have.

Domino Knitting, My Ass
And this Domino Knitting woman, Vivian Haxbro or whatever her name is? It irritates the piss out of me that she claims to have invented this technique. Bullshit. I have a treasured copy of "Number Knitting" by Virginia Woods Bellamy, published in 1952, in which she lays out completely her technique of modular garter stitch knitting (she even patented it). This book is harder than hen's teeth to find on the used-book circuit. And the designs in it are charmingly outdated and simplistic. I'll have to scan in one of them for fun to show you.

One-Armed Fiberista
They'll have to amputate before I stop knitting. Got 50 rows done on the Oceania cardi already. With the orthopedist's OK, of course. (Well, I did immediately try to knit after surgery but once I went to Stitches and came back with the loot, there was no turning back.) So I'm happy. And actually, I was incorrect about the Oceania--it's not a true boucle, insofar as it's not looped. It's really a wavy yarn with a little mylar-ish glitz running through it. Nice to knit though. And the variegation is quite subtle so as not to make those hideous blotchies. This is a very, very plain vanilla cardi, for obvious reasons, but I'm thinking that it will need very fabulous buttons--glass buttons.

How one-handy!

Best Quote I've Heard All Day
"If everything is under control, you are going too slow." - Mario Andretti

Gentlemen, start your engines...

Stitches East 2002
Shop til ya drop. So dear daughter Corinne drove me and Elly to Valley Forge and in 2 hours, I bought some laceweight suri alpaca from Cherry Tree Hill, some of their Oceania, which is a nifty boucle in red/pink/orange, sort of sunset colors. Sock yarn up the wazoo, including more Koigu, Socka, Jawoll Cotton (this could be interesting). Another yarn bracelet. Another set of #0 dps. The Twisted Sisters book (which I will review anon), and a subscription to INKnitters that included the 6 back issues.

Not bad for a one-armed girlie, eh?

It only takes one hand to grab skein, and one hand to grab wallet.

Stitches East 2003
XRX seems to have faux-pas'd it again. Next year's SE will be held on Yom Kippur. And evidently, according to a post on KnitU, they don't particularly care, either, since they gave the poster the mondo brush-off when asked about it.

I posted to KnitU asking them to verify this and to reconsider the date, if it is indeed true. I have no doubt that it is--somehow, you just know that they aren't into thinking ahead about something that might affect many of the attendees, instructors AND vendors.

At this point, other than shopping at the Market once a year, I've totally given up on Knitter's as a bad deal all around. I'm putting my money on INKnitting for technical articles (will review in a few days when arm feels a little better) and Knitty for fun and a fresh new viewpoint. These two publications give me hope.

OK...I'm back, typing with one hand,barely. Thanks to all for their best wishes--I'm knitting a little, but mostly zoned out. Will be at Stitches tomorrow for sure. Surgery was apparently successful but how would I know with this m-f casing on my arm?

How terribly unhandy!

Best Quote I've Heard All Day
One of the major functions of skin is to keep people who look at you from throwing up. -- Actual exam answer

I may use this one tomorrow right before Dr. Rubman does his slice 'n' dice on my ulnar nerve...

Hasta La Vista, Babies
So tomorrow at 11:45 a.m. EDT, the aforementioned Dr. Marc Rubman, sports orthopedist extraordinaire (I hope), will do an ulnar nerve transposition on my left arm. And thereafter, arm will be bandaged, splinted and sling-ed. How rare. How unhandy.

This may be my last entry for a while, although I do hope that I will manage a word or two with my right hand. However, I will be taking some interesting drugs methinks. As Loopy says, "mean AND stoned." LOL!!!

Ever since my husband Jimmy died last January, I have not wanted to deal with hospitals, doctors, or any health-related anything. And yet, here I am. So life goes on and I do what I have to do.

This has been the worst year of my life, honestly. But there have been some bright spots nonetheless, as there always are...
My good and dear friends--Mary, AnnMarie, Mark, Loopy, Gail, Dotti, Susan, Bob, Willy, Warren, Johnny B, the whole TCI gang and the Ops Team especially
My family--Elly, Sissyboo Schwester Karen, Bruder Rich, the Sisty Uglers Jenn and Corinne, Lizzybug, Ian
This blog, which lets me write out my daffiness and lets me be me
Achim, whom I miss right now
My knitting and designing
My writing
My job

Gotta count your blessings, you know? Can't always be cynical and abrasive...

End of KC Being Sentimental and Sloppy

Meeting Annie
But I did have a great time this afternoon after work at Barnes & Noble, meeting Annie Modesitt, whose knitblog Modeknit Musings I always read. It's good to meet local knitters, especially ones who get you and vicey-versy. And Annie swore to me that she wouldn't tell a soul that I'm actually a nice person.

Don't believe it.

See you all at the Stitches East Market on Sunday! I will be there, by God. Look for the left arm in sling.

Best Quote I've Heard All Day
OK, so what's the speed of dark?

It's all about how fast...or is it?

Getting Up to Speed, Diva-Style
The self-proclaimed Knitting Diva is at it again. (Stop me, kids, I'm on a roll!) Hoping to make The Guinness Book of World Records with her lightning-fast crochet. Dethroned the poor Brit who held the record yesterday at the NYC Knit-In.

What wid dis?

This is something to be proud of?

It seems to me that that one is proud of being the winner of a marathon, a driver of the fastest Formula 1 car, a Top Gun who goes Mach 5...pushing the envelope of human endurance, now that's an accomplishment.

Crocheting faster than anyone? Not.

However, the Book is filled with stupid "fastest feats," to wit:
:: The fastest yodel was 22 tones (15 falsetto) in one second on February 9, 1992, by Thomas Scholl of Munich, Germany.

::Dean Gould, of Felixstowe, Suffolk, England, picked 50 shells (with a straight pin) in 1 minute, 22.34 seconds at Great Eastern \Square, Felixstowe.

::Dustin Phillips of Topeka, Los Angeles, California, USA drank 91% of a 400-g (14-oz) bottle of tomato ketchup through a 0.6-cm (0.25-in) straw in a world record time of 33 seconds on September 23, 1999.


I would say that fastest crocheter kinda ranks with these guys. But then it's all about the PR and the ego, right? Not about doing anything of lasting value, like writing a useful knitting book either? No, not that either.

How rare! And how incredibly stultifying.

How Are You Smart?

This is good Saturday-screwing-around-the-web-fun...try it. And methinks mine came out about right. Thanks to Rebecca, a new knitblogger, for this link.

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

And my clock is ticking...5 days til surgery.

Sock Hop
I'm crunching away, trying to get at least one redesigned Leaves of Grass sock finished and photographed for the Freebie page before my arm gets splinted. I find most greens, with the exception of emerald green, depressing shades to work with, and this green that I'm using is no exception.

But given my mood the past few days, almost anything bums me out. What fresh hell is this? I ask myself repeatedly.

However, the pattern for the L of G is one that looks like overlapping leaves...a very easy 8-round repeat but with some interestingly executed mirrored decreases and strategically placed yo's that keeps me intrigued. And it wouldn't have looked very leafy if I'd done it in cerise. Let the punishment fit the crime. But I really do dislike this shade of green...

Stitches East
I think the only reason I am forcing my child to drive me to Valley Forge next Sunday, a scant 3 days after surgery, is that I need a bunch of stuff and I don't want to mail order it and pay shipping. My shopping list? Another yarn bracelet, some sock yarn for Achim because I want to make him some blue socks with "red dots" as a surprise, more O-ring markers, extra sets of #0 and #1 bamboo dps because you can never have too many sets, and perhaps some more Koigu. And whatever else knocks my handknitted socks off.

I think I may take a trip to the LYS today and order the Jamieson yarn for the Sandness Fair Isle pullover. I'm ever optimistic that I will be knitting up a storm sooner than I think.

KnitBlog Bopping
I was reading Annie Modesitt's blog, Modeknit Musings, last night, in an effort to play catch-up with everyone's scribblings, and thoroughly enjoyed her Life with Martha comments. As I had always suspected, The Girl From N.U.T.L.E.Y. is a stone bitch. How rare! May Martha grow large and blubbery on the fine starch-laden cuisine of the NY Upstate Women's Correctional Facility.

Then I moved on to my friend Jen Tocker of Yarnaholic Confessions fame. I think Jen hit the nail on the head with her observations of the knitting magazines and their underwhelming effort to attract "The New Knitter." How The New Knitter will improve their skills through these magazines and get past "New" is beyond me. As I commented on Jen's blog, if I had not had access to Mon Tricot when I was 22 and through that magazine, realized that there was more to knitting than stockinette, I would have never been challenged to increase my skills. And being the Teutonic Twit that I am, I always try to learn everything and be the best at whatever I do.

I fear that the knit mags are incubating a whole new breed of KnitDweebs, knitting pod people who emerge from their cocoons that hang above the yarn section in every Michael's across the land and who will descend upon the knitting multi-verse like flies on shit. Egad.

How handy! How obtuse! And yes...how rare!

And what a rainy, crummy day it is too...but I get to leave work at noon for my pre-op tests. So that's a good thing.

1. What size shoe do you wear?
Oh, I have dem big foots. Size 10.

2. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
I have no idea--20, maybe?

3. What type of shoe do you prefer (boots, sneakers, pumps, etc.)?
I love boots and heels...my preference depends upon what I'm wearing. If I'm at work, I like heels. If I'm hanging out, boots or Birks. I do wear sneakers (am wearing my old beat-up Nikes as I type this) and I have a new pair of NB cross-trainers for my work-outs but they're not my favorite footwear.

4. Describe your favorite pair of shoes. Why are they your favorite?
I guess my favorite pair are my lace-up boots because they look good with either jeans or a funky skirt. But I'm really liking the new pair of 3" heeled boot-shoes that I just bought.

5. What's the most you've spent on one pair of shoes?
Probably $125. But that was years ago. Now I haunt PayLess and Marty's. But I will only buy the real Birkenstocks, not the knock-offs. So I'm due for a new pair shortly and that'll be about $95.

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Sure, God created man before woman...
but then you always make a rough draft before The Final Masterpiece.

As we all know too well...don't we?

Martha Incartha-rated
If any of you were on the KnitList in 1997, when it was on the U of MN server (O, those were the days!), you may remember that I did a series of posts razzing Martha Stewart and proclaiming myself the Anti-Martha. Of course, there were the Martha devotees that sent me incredibly ill-written incendiary e-mails, which I ignored. But by and large, Martha was (and continues to be) an irritant in many serious craftspeople's collective eyes.

If I had a staff as large as she does, I too could perhaps have my own multi-billion-dollar empire. After all, when Martha wants to knit, she sends for Melanie Falick, places all the Stewartian nephews and nieces at her feet, and lets Melanie do the talking and knitting.

Remember that segment? Like Martha knits. Sure she does.

I admit to watching her sporadically. I adore watching people on TV tell me that I can whip up a bouillabaise for company and serve it my Limoges tureen.

And in my dreams...and perhaps t'will soon become reality...I see Martha up before the judge, who metes out the appropriate punishment for Martha's, um, slightly Byzantine stock selling antics. I see Martha settling into her suite at the NY Upstate Correctional Center for Women, straightening out the pale yellow-green gingham sheets on her bunk, while Yolanda above her reads Biker Babes magazine. I see Martha getting time off for good behavior because she's taught all the homegirls how to make simple but elegant chamberpots for their "rooms" by decoupaging milk cartons with left-over candy wrappers.

Martha will have a tough time setting 1500 places without fine Sheffield knives...but I'm sure that she'll be able to get enough tie-dyed napkins cranked out in time for Christmas 2015.

I can't wait.

How rare!