Tuesday, October 01, 2002

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Sure, God created man before woman...
but then you always make a rough draft before The Final Masterpiece.

As we all know too well...don't we?

Martha Incartha-rated
If any of you were on the KnitList in 1997, when it was on the U of MN server (O, those were the days!), you may remember that I did a series of posts razzing Martha Stewart and proclaiming myself the Anti-Martha. Of course, there were the Martha devotees that sent me incredibly ill-written incendiary e-mails, which I ignored. But by and large, Martha was (and continues to be) an irritant in many serious craftspeople's collective eyes.

If I had a staff as large as she does, I too could perhaps have my own multi-billion-dollar empire. After all, when Martha wants to knit, she sends for Melanie Falick, places all the Stewartian nephews and nieces at her feet, and lets Melanie do the talking and knitting.

Remember that segment? Like Martha knits. Sure she does.

I admit to watching her sporadically. I adore watching people on TV tell me that I can whip up a bouillabaise for company and serve it my Limoges tureen.

And in my dreams...and perhaps t'will soon become reality...I see Martha up before the judge, who metes out the appropriate punishment for Martha's, um, slightly Byzantine stock selling antics. I see Martha settling into her suite at the NY Upstate Correctional Center for Women, straightening out the pale yellow-green gingham sheets on her bunk, while Yolanda above her reads Biker Babes magazine. I see Martha getting time off for good behavior because she's taught all the homegirls how to make simple but elegant chamberpots for their "rooms" by decoupaging milk cartons with left-over candy wrappers.

Martha will have a tough time setting 1500 places without fine Sheffield knives...but I'm sure that she'll be able to get enough tie-dyed napkins cranked out in time for Christmas 2015.

I can't wait.

How rare!

No comments: